Adult Friend Finder Online

The Beginning of the End, Or the End of the Beginning

2010-01-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

Once you’ve figured out how to attract women, you’re bound to find one who’s particularly interesting to you.

One that you might actually, um, love.

One that you might want to keep around for a bit. Hey, you might even meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Even though I’ve made most of this book about meeting women, I don’t feel that it would be complete without at least a few ideas on how to keep a woman attracted to you for the long haul.

But first of all, here’s my take on why relationships fail:

When you first start dating someone you really like, the body releases a combination of chemicals that are quite literally intoxicating. These chemicals cause you to want to be with that person all the time, stay up all night talking to them, and have sex with them three times a day.

But twelve to eighteen months later, the chemicals change. The intoxicating chemicals are replaced by ‘stability’ chemicals. The ‘stay-up-all-night-can’t-be-away-from-her-have-sex-three-times-a-day’ feeling goes away and the ‘let’s-settle-down-and-have-two-kids-and-buy-a-minivan’ chemicals take over. Deal with it. (If you want to understand this process better, read “The Alchemy of Love and Lust” by Theresa Crenshaw.)

So now that you know this, how do you keep this whole thing from turning into an episode of “All in the Family”?

Well, the short answer is, keep up the fun, interesting, unpredictable behaviour. Notice the details. Do thoughtful things.

Here’s something that I’ve learned in life: If you want to get back more than you give, then play the stock market. It’s not gonna happen in relationships. In fact, if you want to get a lot back, you’re probably going to have to give even more.

Most people are selfish and say, “I’m not going to give more than I get.” But instead of getting a lot, all they get is old and unhappy. I’ve found that it’s much better to give a ton and get back a lot in return, not caring about the fact that I didn’t get as much as I gave than to give little or none and get back little or none.

Relationships aren’t like investing. If you want a lot, get used to giving more. But it’s worth it in the end, because love, attention, humour, and fun aren’t like money. If you give them out, you don’t have less. You have MORE. Get it?

Now that you’ve read this book, you probably have that same feeling that I had when I first learned all of this amazing material. You’re probably excited.

Well, there’s more.

If you are ready to take your education to the next level and advance at a faster pace, then you need to listen to, read, and watch my other programs. They take this foundation and expand the concepts both wide and deep... and show you tricks and shortcuts for everything from approaching women to taking things to a physical level.

Two Ways Women Think About Men And How You Can Control

2010-01-15T19:26:00.000-08:00

This I believe that women see men with whom they get involved as either ‘long-term relationship’ material or ‘sex’ material. You have to make the choice about which category you’d like to be in. By the way, if you get involved sexually, you can usually extend that for as long as you’d like.

If, on the other hand, you don’t get involved sexually but you still buy her dinner, call her all the time, and pursue her, there’s a good chance that you’ll NEVER get involved with her sexually.

Many, if not most guys, think that if they play the dating game that they’ll wind up ‘getting some’ eventually. This just isn’t so. I’ve met so many women who say, “Well, I have this guy that I let buy me things and take me out, and I have this other one that’s my sex toy.”

Now, admittedly this isn’t all women. But believe me when I tell you that if you get on the ‘friendship’ program, you’re very likely to stay there. And the friendship road is

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paved with gifts and dinners.

Trust me. If you do too many things for her, you’re going to spend a lot of time and $$$ and most likely never wind up with anything to show for it other than a curious dry feeling just below your abdomen.

For the record, I really do like e-mail communication better than phone communication. I get probably 4 out of 5 women that I e-mail to write back, as opposed to maybe 1 out of 2 or 3 calls returned the first time.

I write and say, “Hey, it was nice meeting you last night… what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me.”

If they don’t answer that one, I write back a couple of days later with, “What, playing hard to get already? Nice. Talk to me.”

I get most of them e-mailing me back by this point.

When they do, I say, “What’s your # and when’s a good time to reach you?”

Now, here’s why I do this… Duh! When I e-mail them, for some reason they feel like we’re friends because we’ve e-mailed back and forth… don’t ask me to explain it… it’s taken me two and a half years to figure it out.

They also return your calls after you’ve e-mailed them a couple of times… again, don’t ask me why, some freaky chick thing.

OK… so now I’m on the phone with them (either because I’ve e-mailed them, or because I just got a number and called). I want to get together with them for about 30 minutes and see what they’re like as a person and decide if they’re someone who I’d like to know better.

I’ll tell them that I was about to go do something (to remind myself and let them know that I have a life) and then say, “Well, let’s see… what’s your schedule for the next few days? (I choose a time based on her reply…) Why don’t we get together tomorrow at about four. Do you know where the blah blah blah coffee shop is? Great… if we get along, then maybe we can go for a bite to eat… but you know, coffee is a safe bet… this way, if you’re scary in person, I can say, “Oh, hey… um… I just remembered that I have to go floss my cat… it’s really important…” and then we can call it a night.”

This makes them laugh, but it also gets them thinking, “Who the hell is this guy to be qualifying me?” which is perfect.

Next, I tell them, “The coffee place is close to my house so why don’t you just meet me at my place, ring the bell, and I’ll come out and we can go… this way if you’re a few minutes early or late, I don’t have to be waiting.” (I got this idea from a friend of mine.)

Then I say, “Now, let me ask you this… what are the chances that you’re not going to show up tomorrow? <Let her answer> Because one of my pet peeves is people that are late or flaky. I can deal with a lot of things, but I’m always on time where I say I’m going to be, and I never have an excuse or don’t show up… so I just wanted to make sure… because if there’s one thing that could end our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness.” This sets the right tone for flaking, as you can see.

***HERE COMES THE KILLER!

Next, when we’re getting ready to hang up, I say something like, “Great, it’s going to be nice to get to know you better. And if nothing else, we can just be FRIENDS.”

It’s taken me and a good friend of mine a long time to get this piece. From here on out, I constantly drop hints about just ‘being friends’ and how I really ‘like her as a friend’ and how ‘it’s nice to meet someone that I like as a friend’.

Trust me on this one… this messes them up soooooo hard that they literally don’t know what to do.

This is most likely the first time IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE that this has happened to them. It continually triggers their insecurity and makes them wonder why

they’re not attractive enough to you. It also disarms them completely. (You have to really possess the mindset that you are qualifying them and that they’re going to be your friend for this to work)

I personally like to use the friendship jargon because I have decided that it’s better to enter any new relationship in a ‘NOT NEEDY’ frame of mind. Talking about being friends reminds ME to pay more attention and to remember that I don’t need anything and to stay focused on learning.

More Nuggets of Gold

2010-01-15T16:46:00.000-08:00

Always end conversations, meetings, and phone calls first.

I got this idea from the book “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider...You remember that book that was written about how to get a man to marry you? Well, it’s a great book. But I don’t think the authors would like the reasons why I think it’s great. I take all of ‘the rules’ and turn them around. When you play the games that women often play, you will not believe the responses you’ll get.

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Now, I used to be against any kind of ‘game playing’. I still don’t like lies, cheating, general dishonesty, or manipulation. BUT, when you use these things in the right way, it becomes kind of a ‘game’ that women LOVE to play. It’s strange, but women love to tease and be teased. And if you don’t take this stuff too seriously, you can have some real fun.

But, I digress... The reason to end conversations, calls, and meetings first is that it does two things: First, it says, “I’m not a needy guy, and I have things to do. I’m

busy and if you want me, you’re going to have to work to get me.”

Second, it sets up a situation where YOU are in control of the situation. If you start doing this with EVERY call, EVERY meeting, and EVERY conversation, you will be

blown away by the responses you’ll get.

You’ll have women say, “What? But we’re having so much fun...!”, “Well, when can I see you again?”, or “Don’t you like me?”

By the way, don’t take the bait when they say these things! Say, “Of course I like you, and of course I’m having fun – but I’m busy and I have things to do. So call me tomorrow and maybe I can get together with you at the end of the week.”

I LOVE THIS!!! Love it! Love it! Love it!

And women love it too. As much as you might think it’s cruel and unusual punishment, women love nothing more than to go home wondering, “Does he love me? Does he like me? Will he call me? Did he have fun?”

I know, I know... sounds too bizarre to be true, but trust me. Tease and do these things, and you’ll find that they’ll work like a charm... plus have the added bonus of

being damn fun!

***I have to insert here that I’ve given this advice to many needy man who have rejected it whole heartedly. They continue to act needy and not let women go at the

end of the night, when talking on the phone, etc. By not making themselves scarce and unusual, they make themselves valueless. Don’t make the same mistake

yourself.

Another one that I use often is ‘Don’t say caring and affectionate things directly – but say them indirectly’. Women have a love for metaphors, demonstrations,

stories, gifts, etc.

For instance, saying, “You’re beautiful” 12 times a day isn’t attractive, but writing a poem that says it and leaving it somewhere as a surprise is very attractive.

Also, if I’m appreciating something about a woman, I point to a specific part or thing or detail. Women love it when you NOTICE things.

This reminds me of a very important point: Women LOVE it when you THINK about them. If you say, “I was thinking about you, so I wrote you” the woman will have something inside go ‘click’! I believe that women like gifts not because they have value, but because they say, “I was thinking about you, I have these feelings for you, and this gift is a symbol for them.”

Does this make sense to you?

I didn’t think so. It didn’t to me, either. But IT’S TRUE. So start telling women that you were thinking about them, that you were remembering times with them, and that something reminded you of them. If you do this, you don’t have to buy gifts anymore! They know you’re thinking about them! Nice.

Here’s something else that I’ve figured out that doesn’t make any sense at all: Women love ‘Mismatched Communication’. What I mean by this is that women like it when you’re doing one thing serious and one thing jokingly, or being verbally tough, but physically affectionate.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

If you’re talking to a woman and telling her that you think she’s beautiful, keep a very SERIOUS look on your face. This adds all kinds of drama to the situation and gives the woman something to imagine all kinds of deep meanings. (By the way, most men smile too much. Smile less when talking to women. It will keep them wondering what you’re thinking and it will help you.)

Or while kissing a woman, reach down and bite her on the neck, just a tiny bit too hard (no blood please).

One thing tender, one thing slightly violent.

Or maybe you’ve just finished holding her hand and kissing her. When she stands up, give her a spank on the ass and tell her it was because she’s such a good kisser.

The idea here is that what you’re feeling is causing you to do something IRRATIONAL. You’ve being swept away by the moment. Or you’re experiencing conflicting feelings. This leaves it to her to figure out what you’re ‘REALLY’ feeling, which women love to do.

It also makes you the most interesting, unpredictable guy she’s ever met.

You know, another thing that I’ve noticed is that women LOVE to talk about sex. Most men are not comfortable bringing up the subject with women they don’t know. But try telling a couple of dirty jokes, or talking about a sex program you saw on T.V. Most women will jump right in and start giving their take on the topic. It’s amazing. Try it.

The Dark Side Of Beauty

2010-01-15T13:51:00.000-08:00

Underneath all of the beauty, most of these powerful women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side.

This dark side is secretly wanting a man who is in control of himself, his reality, and them.

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But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves. But their unconscious knows and recognizes this desire as something that they want. They also hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) who give them everything they want, as is evidenced by the “Oh, he’s just a guy I use to buy me things and “He’s my ‘Boytoy’ kind of comments that women often make to their girlfriends.

On the topic of men giving gifts to women and buying them things: Many women will take what is available to them (even if they have to do a little manipulation for it), but they will ultimately resent and disrespect a man who gives too much to them.

As a matter of fact, to most hot women, THEIR REALITY is that men kiss up to them and give them what they ask for or demand (worst case, they have to get upset or act bitchy to get their way). AGAIN, THIS IS THEIR REALITY. Men who don’t fit this mold are often just tuned out as if they didn’t exist in order to keep this reality as pure as possible for them.

(Also, I think that many women harbor contempt for their beauty. At a shadow level, they are kept from living a real life and being closer to the real world simply because fewer and fewer people can relate to them in proportion to how ‘beautiful’ they are and make themselves. Addressing this topic when speaking to women is VERY powerful. More later.)

Men are often behaving like ass kissers because they are afraid that a woman might get upset and leave. The fact is that by acting this way, a woman is MORE likely to leave. It’s one of those paradoxes that’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. If a woman whines, a man might begin to think, “Oh, no... I need to kiss her ass or she might leave. Even though she’s being ridiculous, I have to go along with it...”

This is bad for her, for you, and for the relationship between you. Learn to never let a woman act like a Bratwithout you calling her on it (AND IN A COOL, ALMOST

INDIFFERENT WAY!)

This is very counter-intuitive, but again, we’re dealing with female human behaviour, which has roots and drives that are complex and often difficult to trace.

The solution is to NOT kiss ass or do things for them like everyone else. Be different. Expect them to pull their own weight, call them on all of their issues and messed-up behaviours just like you would a guy friend or family member (Use the same “you’re my friend and I’m saying this for your benefit” tone that you’d use with a friend), tease and make fun of their insecurities in a playful way, reframe other men who kiss their ass, and put beauty in a new light (as a curse, etc., how she can never have anyone see her for who she truly is, how every man she knows would sleep with her in a minute, and how it often leads to less inner fulfillment).

The fact is that women will sleep with rich men who kiss their asses and model-handsome guys who don’t treat them well to satisfy their PHYSICAL drives.

But overall, an average looking man who takes good care of himself and makes enough money to live comfortably who is cocky, direct, challenging, confident, funny, and in control - one who challenges her constantly and never kisses her ass EVER - will be FAR more fulfilling to a beautiful woman than the other types.

This difference is not only interesting to her, but it’s also challenging as well (something she doesn’t experience often). A man who does such will not only be able to win her body, but also her interest and fascination. It will also keep her messed up behaviours more in check while allowing you to stay more in control of the situation.

***Note: If any of this stuff sounds too far out for you, I recommend that you go out to a mall and find yourself a few really beautiful women. Then ask them to read the last few pages of this book and to tell you the accuracy of this material. If you’re a doubter, you won’t believe the responses you’ll get. I’ve asked many beautiful women about these ideas and almost EVERY ONE OF THEM has told me that this line of thinking is accurate.

You’ll also notice out in the real world that some fortunate men have the looks, fame, personality, or whatever that causes women to act naturally open and receptive to them.

If you’re one of these men, then congrats to you!

If you’re not one of these men (I’m not, so I understand what it’s like) then you have to LEARN how to get inside of a woman’s mind and heart and CAUSE her to start acting this way toward you. It may take a few minutes of conversation, or even up to an hour or so... but if you learn the skills that I’m going to teach you, you can learn how to cause women to act this way toward you, too.

Remember, attraction has different roads that lead to it. Some are easy shortcuts, but some take a little longer, present more challenges, and require more skill. But there is a structure to the process and if you learn that structure, you will be more successful.

How Men Usually Find Women

2010-01-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

I’ve read several books on mating and courtship behaviour among different species of animals (including humans!). The funny thing is that humans do just about

the same things as most other animals with slight variations.

Here are the main ways male animals (humans included) find females:

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Some human equivalents are:

The point is that there’s nothing new under the sun. If you want to meet women, you have to:

It’s all the same game. Most men who are failures with women aren’t willing to do what it takes to be successful. That’s the bottom line. I’m going to give you the secret ingredients that attract women and invite you to combine some of them with your personality in order to attract the kind of women you’re interested in. The question is, “Are you willing to do the work that it will take to be successful?”

The First Shift In Thinking

2010-01-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

So let’s start off with this shift in thinking: Think about what the woman who you’re interested in needs and wants and don’t assume that these are the same things that YOU need and want.

And don’t assume that what women want is going to make any sense at all to you, because it probably won’t. This shift in thinking was a big one for me personally to understand. Almost none of what I do to be successful with women makes any sense to me logically, because I’m not a woman. But now that I see that what I do works over and over again, I realize that it doesn’t matter what makes sense.

All that matters is WHAT WORKS.

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Let’s get a little deeper into the female heart and mind. Females select males most of the time in nature... and in modern human courtship. And even if the man selects the woman, many if not most women still harbour the secret fantasy that they’re ‘letting him do it’, etc.

Sooooooo.... It’s good to address this issue and point out when talking to women (even if you hint at it and talk about past experiences to make the point) that you are

This kind of thing is the selector and not the selectee. very powerful, as it does one of my favourite things: It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIFE LIFE. I specialize in saying things that women have never heard. I also like to say things that she’s never heard that MAKE ME DIFFERENT IN A DESIRABLE WAY.

I even say to women, “I’m about to tell you something (or something about you) that no one has ever told you...” This really gets a woman on the edge of her seat and puts her into an instant state of attention (when done in a context that makes sense). And if the thing you tell them is profound enough, they’ll begin to see you as a sort of super psychic powerhouse (women are fascinated by these kinds of insights).

My personal view is that if you help people to have profound realizations, they’ll see you as a guru rather than seeing the information or themselves as powerful. It doesn’t matter from where the info came, as long as it’s something that the person has never really thought about in that way (that’s also profound to her).

One good example is to say to a hot woman who’s acting arrogant, “You don’t have me fooled for a minute, dear.”

When she says, “What are you talking about?”, you say, “Well, I know that most men fall for this ‘I’m beautiful and aloof and I get my way’ part of your personality... but I know something that none of them know... that there’s really another side of you. A side that none of THEM get to see. I’ll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about you that no one who’s only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known... <pause, pause, pause>... You may act tough, but you’re actually EXTREMELY sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act like it doesn’t bother you... but you’ll think about it all the way home... I know that secretly you’re as sensitive as a little girl... it’s just that most people never get to meet that part of you...”

This messes up a cold woman soooo hard that you have to be ready for instant personality meltdown and a completely different person to come out of her.

At this point, it’s often easy to start talking about the whole pick-up scene and how women play men, etc. to let her know that you’re an insider and not falling for her game. If you drop two or three more profound comments during this time, you’ll have a woman who won’t leave you alone (but keep acting like you want to be left alone so she’ll stay after you!). Nice.

Humour

2010-01-13T01:12:00.000-08:00

Here’s how I mentally approach meeting a new woman: I’m cocky and funny, I steal their lines, I tease them, and I don’t ever give them a break.

In my opinion, your most valuable asset, no matter your looks, height, age, or income – is humour.

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I don’t care if you’re four feet tall and have one eye. If you can make women laugh consistently and get those good feelings flowing through them, they’ll love you.

I decided last year to start actually STUDYING comedy, as I’ve found that people (women) respond to it better than any other thing in the whole entire universe.

So I did a bunch of research on the Internet to find the best books, and I bought about 5 or 6 of them.

One book that I read called “Comedy Writing Secrets” by Melvin Helitzer made a great point. He said that the majority of humour revolves around the CHARACTER and not the jokes.

Most of the guys that I meet who want to learn to meet women are working on the ‘jokes’ in their life and not the ‘character’. I did it for about two years myself. I tried to learn all kinds of lines and B.S.

It finally dawned on me that women were not really that concerned with all of that… they wanted a particular CHARACTER. The lines didn’t matter as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange, magical, and weird.

So what’s the character that they want? Good question.

I have a good friend who’s the best I’ve ever seen at picking up women in bars and having sex with them that night. Now, I do better getting numbers and following up.

But this guy is just a machine. And his whole mindset towards meeting women is to be “cocky and funny” (his words). My opinion is that women are turned off by arrogant men… UNLESS… they’re DAMN FUNNY. This magic combination will attract women like Bill Clinton attracts chubby interns. I’m following in my buddy’s footsteps.

I’ll try to summarize the character that I’ve developed:

“I know that this girl is secretly trying to pick me up… I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that she wants me… so I can reject her again.”

I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look

them right in the eye.

Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.

I say things that make them actually think that I’m serious, but leave a shadow of a doubt.

Here’s what I’m looking for: If they respond in an insecure way and say, “Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t know that I was touching you”, I’ll keep it going… and say, “Well, you did. And if you’re going to keep doing it, I’d appreciate it if you’d touch a little higher.” They crack up.

If they shoot something funny back like, “Well, touchy touchy” and they know that I’m kidding, I just stay in character and say, “Yes, I don’t like being touched. So keep a foot or so between us please” and keep it going.

And yes, sometimes (not often) I’ll meet a cold one and she’ll get uptight – I just walk away.

If you’re going to do this, you have to remember to keep it going for the entire time… don’t turn into a dumb ass at the first sign of her liking you. Keep up the character, play hard to get, etc. forever!

How To Tease (How To Speak Woman)

2010-01-12T00:29:00.000-08:00

When I first met one particular girl, I took her hand when she got into the car and held it for a few seconds... then took it away saying, “No hand holding this early”, as if it were her idea... then at lunch, I put out my hand for her to take it and then when she went to take it, I moved it before she touched me... then did it again... and again

saying, “No, really...”

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Finally, after the meal was finished, I reached out for her hand, and she wouldn’t take mine because I had teased her so much. So I actually grabbed her hand and held it and massaged it. This was teasing and teasing...and when she finally gave up, I gave it to her.

Then, when I gave her a hug later on, she kissed me on the cheek or neck a couple of times, and I accused her of kissing me a lot, etc. (The idea is that she’s into me and she’s the aggressor.) One part of this is me doing something (holding her hand) and then accusing her of doing it (“no hand holding this early”).

This kind of behaviour, sending mixed messages, and flirting doesn’t really make sense to most men, but to women it’s magic.

Also, some women really get intrigued if you ‘figure them out’ early on in the game and have their number... and then just ‘laugh at how cute they are’ when they do things. This gets them all freaked out, as they feel like you’re in control, and they don’t know what to do next... like you know all the games they’re playing and won’t fall for any of their old tricks... this makes them nervous as they don’t have any POWER OR AMMO!

They love this, as men are hardly ever in control. And they secretly want someone who is. (It’s VERY important not to become the ‘friend/therapist’ with this information... and start kissing their ass! The idea is to use it to bust on them and not to be understanding.)

I also tell women early on that I think they’ll make a nice ‘friend’.

It’s funny to see how the friendship frame works with them, because this gets them thinking often for the first time, “Wow, maybe I just found a man who is smarter than me, knows my little games, and has higher standards than ME for once... and now he’s talking about being ‘just friends’! Oh no! Doesn’t he like me? Doesn’t he want me like all the other guys?” A key here is to always keep them guessing... never get too into them or they’ll get right into their old games, etc.

Another interesting observation that I’ve made is that women only understand CODE, not direct language.

Little boys tease little girls when they’re 8, and women still love it when they’re 28 and 48. I like to find something about them that they’re just a little insecure about and make fun of it in a way makes them wonder whether or not I’m serious.

The way I see it, women are like the Enigma machines that German U-boats used in World War II.

These machines were able to transmit messages to each other, but also able to change the codes they used each time. Women are much more interested in giving and getting subtle hints.

Telling a woman, “I really like you”, won’t be as effective as saying, “You really like me” in a teasing way. Do you understand?

I speak in metaphor and story, talk about feelings and longings, speak code, and try to never speak directly.

Let me give you a few more examples:

If you want to have sex with a woman, you could say, “Hey, why don’t we have sex?” Go ahead and try that one sometime and let me know how it works for you.

Or, you could try this... Next time you’re alone with a new woman, stand up, take her hand, and pull her up to her feet. Then give her a hug, let go, and sit back down. After she sits again, say, “I just wanted to hug you.” Later hug her again and cuddle with her. While cuddling, smell her neck and tell her how good she smells... and don’t stop. Within a few minutes she’ll be telling you how hot she’s getting.

Two different paths to the same outcome… It’s just that one happens to work about a hundred times better than the other.

Men like to go out hoping to ‘get laid’. Women like the idea of being swept away by the moment… especially when it’s a taboo thing and they shouldn’t be doing it, etc. The more unplanned things seem, the better. For instance, if she happens to wind up in your bedroom and you happen to be massaging her, smelling her, etc. it’s seen as ‘meant to be’ or something that happened in an unplanned romantic way, and therefore a good thing to get swept away by.

If you want to increase your chances of success with women, create scenarios that lead to these situations. Ask yourself, “What situation would facilitate the outcome

that I’m looking for naturally?” Remember that women like to be swept away by the moment; they don’t like to think that they’re being used.

Another fun thing I do to demonstrate to women that I’m savvy and know the language is to interpret gestures and expressions and then comment back as if they had

said something.

So for instance, if a woman looks at someone walking by, then wrinkles up her nose and gets that ‘Gross’ look on her face, I might respond with, “That’s what I was

thinking.”

Get it? I’m pretending like she actually said, “Gross” to me.

Or if a woman takes my hand, I might say, “Oh, really?”

I’m pretending like she said, “I’m attracted to you.”

Women are very expressive with their body language and facial expressions, but they often express themselves in very subtle ways.

If you can tune into these little cues and then respond with fun remarks that show you’re clued in, you’ll be rewarded. (Notice: Do not start ACTING like a woman now that you know this tip. This technique is to be used sparingly and only to let a woman ‘know that you know’ and not as your main approach when interacting with women. Many men make the mistake of learning how women act and then IMITATING them all the time. This is not what you want to do, trust me.)

The Very Attractive Women Are Approached All The Time

2010-01-12T00:03:00.000-08:00

I’m going to remind you of something that I talked about earlier in this book: Most attractive women are approached in one way or another all the time by men.

I was watching one of Chris Rock’s stand up routines recently; Chris was telling the women in the audience that anytime a man is being nice, it’s because he’s offering sex (or ‘dick’ as he put it).

So if a guy says, “Wow, you look great!”, what he really means is, “Wow, you really look great, would you like some dick?”

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And remember that ‘desirable’ women including rich women, beautiful women, and famous women, are used to being treated like queens. (It’s really no fault of theirs; even very handsome men are notorious for acting arrogant. It’s part of being human. We can all become spoiled easily if the right combination of circumstances arises. By the way, it’s good to keep a “You’re spoiled, and I don’t really blame you for it... you were just lucky to be born beautiful and have everyone kiss your ass” attitude...)

Being spoiled, these women act bratty to get their way. However, the ass kissing and always getting their way also has another effect. Since they are so used to being courted and having a man kiss their ass, when you show up, act funny and charming, and don’t play into any of their games (make fun of them, do the pretend ass-

kisser imitation, tell them that they want you, tease them, don’t answer ANY of their questions about job, car, home, social life, where you go, etc. and even label all of

those questions as, “Did you get a list of these questions like all the other shallow women around here?” etc.) it often has the effect of them thinking, “Wow, this is sure

DIFFERENT”, which gets their attention. The humour and arrogance (arrogance based on self-knowing, not on outer success) keeps their attention.

I think that it’s all about interrupting the current train of thought with some type of DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING behaviour. You can use tricks, props, or whatever, but you have to interrupt the woman and first get her attention... then you can get to the good part of doing the things that give her the FEELINGS that she wants and playing the part of the MAN that her unconscious wants.

Many experts talk of establishing rapport, acting like them, etc. initially... I’ve found that breaking rapport usually works better for me. (Rapport is the concept of breathing, moving, and talking like another person so they feel a connection with you.)

But it’s a special kind of breaking rapport that I practice. I break rapport in a funny and charming way, which actually ASSUMES rapport from the beginning. (I insult women that I don’t know in a playful way all the time. Her only real choices with which to respond internally and externally are, “This guy is a jerk - I’m outta here” or “You’ve got some balls - but you’re damn funny - and for some reason, I feel like I know you...”)

When you point out a woman’s quirks or insecurities in a way that makes her laugh, you do so many positive things at once. She can’t deny that the things you’re saying are true, BECAUSE SHE’S LAUGHING. And she can’t really hate you too much, because it’s kind of fun.

On Looks and Body Language

2010-01-10T18:04:00.000-08:00

Most of the men I talk to who want to learn how to be successful with women ask me things like, “What’s a good line?” or “What do you say when they say this?”

For some reason, most people forget that language is a SECONDARY way of communicating. It’s to be used when there’s no faster way.

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When two people are communicating face-to-face, most of the communication is happening through body language and voice tone, while very little through the

actual words.

I’ve seen studies that show that as little as 7% of what you communicate is done verbally, while your body language and voice tone make up the other 93%.

So which do you think is more powerful when dealing with women?

Right, right... your body language and voice tone.

How To Be Funny, The One Page Course

2010-01-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

Here’s a little mini-course on how to be funny:

First, go read Comedy Writing Secrets by Melvin Helitzer. And while you’re at it, watch some good stand up comedy routines like Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, and Robin Williams. Listen to how they use word play, double meanings, exaggeration, and misinterpretation to create humour.

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It’s time to get yourself a set of standard things that you can say in some of the most common situations.

Here’s a list that I use personally and examples of instances when you can use them:

OK, there’s a list of basic things that I’ve learned regarding humour. I’d recommend that you start studying humour, read books about it, go to comedy clubs, and learn more advanced skills.

Also, start reading Maxim and Stuff magazines. Read how they always use reversal humour. This is some good funny stuff.

On Testing

2010-01-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

The way I see it, women are constantly testing men. They do it by acting bratty, making demands, complaining, commanding, being emotional, etc.

Know what I’m talking about?

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Here’s what I do:

When a woman tries to test me – for instance, if she says, “I don’t like that heavy metal that you were listening to” – I turn it up a notch and send it back to her – I might also say, “Well, then you might want to not get in my car anymore, because it’s all I’m going to play now that you’re whining about it.” (Said in a half serious tone so she can’t tell if I’m kidding)

This sends the message that if she tries to act controlling, I’m just going to turn whatever she’s being a pain about up one notch and give it to her again. Women

get the message loud and clear when you act this way.

It may be hard to believe, but I’ve heard MANY women say things like, “I HATE IT when a man does what I tell him to do”, or “I just walk all over him, and it’s so annoying to me.”

Some women actually have standard tests that they give to new guys to see if the guy will do what they tell him to do. I’ve now learned NEVER to accept demanding or controlling behaviour. I usually just laugh and say, “Cute.” By laughing and saying, “Cute”, I short-circuit their testing mechanism and let them know that I’m going to be more of a challenge than they thought.

Snappy Responses To Common Situations

2010-01-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

Ever been sitting with a group of attractive women and your buddies when out of nowhere one of the women says, “You guys are lucky to be at the same table with

us.”

Well I have. So I came up with a few zingers to throw out should this happen again:

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Also, quit EXPECTING to “pick up girls” and instead go make friends and give the women the opportunity to get to know you. A couple more ideas for different situations:

(The napkin almost always comes back, and the game is on... It’s fun, mysterious, and the girl always wants to know who’s playing with her. I’ve used this before, and it’s great fun. At some point, depending on whether you’re winning or losing, you can come over to her table and say something like, “Well, I had to meet my worthy opponent” or “I hope you talk better than you play”, etc.)

One of the most amazing things you can do when a woman brings up sex is to tease her about it, ask her why she’s bringing it up, and accuse her of having a dirty mind, etc. It’s great! You must realize that this is one of the very best ways to tease an attractive woman. They usually love it. Attractive women often bring up the topic to see if you’re comfortable... or to test you to find out if you’ll get nervous or insecure.

The best thing to do in these situations is to accuse her of trying to get sexual too fast, tell her you’re not interested, and bust on her. It’s all kinds of good fun. And the added benefit is that it makes her more and more curious about you and why you don’t seem like all the other losers who roll over and act stupid.

Thinking In Time Frames

2010-01-07T09:42:00.000-08:00

Here’s a common problem: A man tries to impress a woman by doing things that show that he’s a good LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP kind of guy, but the woman responds by being stand-offish.

I have read some interesting research that shows that women have a few main categories in their minds in which they slot men.

These are:

Here’s the interesting part: If a woman sees a man as a good potential ‘long-term’ mate, she’ll usually hold back the sex.

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On the other hand, if she gets sexually involved with a man, she’ll usually still be open to a long-term relationship.

Most men who want sex make the mistake of doing things like taking women to dinner, buying them gifts, and being romantic. This behaviour triggers the “Hey, this

guy is good long-term material” category in the woman’s mind, and they hold back sex.

But if a man does things to turn a woman on earlier in the game and she gets sexually involved, he can choose where he wants the relationship to go. Are you with me

on this one?

Go ask some men and women about this idea. They’ll report back to you what I’m telling you. Women know that if a man is doing all the big romantic things like

buying her gifts and taking her out, he is displaying ‘courtship’ types of behaviour. I mentioned earlier that women take hints very well and read into things much more than men. Unfortunately, men have no idea that their good deeds are being interpreted as long-term courtship demonstrations. Ahhhh!

So what’s the solution?

The solution is to stop doing the ‘I’m courting you’ things early on, and start by being attractive, interesting, and sexy. This puts the balance of power in your hands and puts you more in control.

I’m going to say it again: A woman will get into a long-term relationship with a man who she’s sleeping with, but she won’t be as likely to sleep with a man who’s

courting her. Get it?

Where And How To Meet Women

2010-01-07T00:03:00.000-08:00

I intuitively determined that there are certain major steps to ‘meeting women’, if you will. This is how my mind naturally thinks.

I’ve now broken these down in my mind to chunks like ‘Approaching Women’, ‘Getting Phone Numbers’, etc. which I’ll explain here and in future chapters.

I’d like to add here that different people have different personal views regarding meeting women, ‘getting laid’, relationships, etc.

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I’m not going to try to convince you that my way is the best, but I’ll share some of my personal values with you. When I’m in a ‘relationship’ with a woman and we’ve agreed to be ‘exclusive’, then I’m faithful to that woman.

If I’m single, then I date whoever I want, whenever I want, and have no problems or hang ups with sex, seeing more than one woman at a time, etc. Some people see things differently, which is fine, but I wanted you to know where I was coming from on this issue.

By the way, the things that I’m sharing with you work whether you’re just meeting a woman or if you’ve known her for years... or even if you’ve been married forever.

And contrary to what many men think, women usually love it that you’ve taken the time to learn things like what I’m teaching you. It makes things more fun and interesting for them.

More On My Way Of Looking At Things

2010-01-04T22:00:00.000-08:00

I don’t ask women for permission to do things, and I don’t look to them to lead what’s going to happen next. I used to kind of watch what they were doing and take cues

on how to act. Now I do and say what I want and look for cues from her so I know when to bust her balls.

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I spent a long time learning how to get phone numbers from women only to realize that this wasn’t the same as success. Then, I learned how to get women to come over to my house only to realize that this wasn’t the same as success. I finally realized that I have to lead the way the entire time – just like in ballroom dancing. I have to know where we’re going and lead the way the entire time.

But my most important realization is that THIS IS MY REALITY, AND SHE IS A GUEST – not the other way around. If a woman tries to play a game with me, put me

off, give me an excuse, etc. I start laughing out loud at her. At first, she doesn’t know what’s going on... but then I say something like, “Cummon... what, are you kidding?

Give me a break.”

This tells them that even their little ploys aren’t going to get by my radar – never mind into my reality. I never get upset at them or let them get to me emotionally (this is key, because if they sense that they’ve found a button, they’ll use it over and over again). As my friend Eric once said, “YOU’RE IN MY REALITY NOW.”

Let me point out that when I’m meeting women, I’m almost NEVER thinking about a ‘long-term relationship’ with them in the beginning. If I like them and later they prove to be someone that really amazes me, then this will be a possibility.

My guess is that strong, exceptional, interesting men who are in control of themselves and their realities are as rare for women as super hot women are rare for men. See where I’m going? Said in a different way, “Why do so many men settle for average or worse looking women?”

I think the logic goes both ways. I mean, I know quite a few ass-kicking men – but this is because I’ve literally spent years finding and making friends with them. Most women aren’t lucky enough to run across one. And when they do, they usually mess it up by being a bitch or uninteresting. So they just settle for whatever the best option is at the moment. And they often wind up getting comfortable in the process.

There’s another interesting point that I’ve noticed lately:

Many of the marriages that I know of that have lasted for many years (10+) have something in common: a woman that subtly controls the man. I mean, think about the plot of most romance novels: Woman meets wild man, woman tames man and lives happily ever after with her new well-behaved BOY.

So keep this in mind when you’re interacting with women.

***Because I may be coming off a bit harshly here, I want to mention something. If you could be in the room with me during my interactions with a new woman that I find interesting, you’d most likely be thinking, “This guy is funny as hell... but he’s really pushing it. I mean, he’s on the borderline of saying something that’s just too damn arrogant. But wow, the woman just seems to get more and more into him as this goes on... interesting.” You would NOT be thinking, “Wow, this guy seems to me like a womanizer who’s mean to women.”

I say this so that you understand that all of the techniques that I employ are part of the all-important ‘Character’ that I discussed earlier.

By staying cocky and funny, women will laugh their asses off, get frustrated that you’re not playing to them, and finally crack and show that they like you.

If you’re just a plain old run of the mill jerk, then none of this will work. The ‘assholes’ who get laid usually have an angle (money, fame, whatever) that they mix

with the assholeness.

Mean, self-centered people with no social attractiveness are usually out of luck.

So keep in mind the all-important ingredient: Humour.

NOTHING works for me like humour mixed with arrogance.

I also want to mention once again that I’m very flexible and in many situations, I will begin to do very sweet and thoughtful things for a woman – just on my terms.

And when it comes to sex (***big key here***) I always pay attention and learn what a woman likes. My goal is to be the most fulfilling lover that she’s had. Mix all this up with some special sauce, and you have the recipe for hot women who love to have sex with you and love you as a person as well because you’re interesting to

them.

Remember, women are not linear, logical creatures. If you do things that make sense, they will do things that don’t make any sense at all.

If you do things that don’t make any sense at all, then women will often do what you want them to do.

It’s just that you have to know exactly WHICH things to do that don’t make sense.

Make sense?

On Predictability

2010-01-04T12:14:00.000-08:00

Don’t be predictable. Do the unexpected when they LEAST expect it.

But don’t overdo it by acting extreme too often. If you do the unexpected too much, it will come off as unstable, etc.

People in general, including women, are attracted to the novel... the unusual... the different.

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Predictability is the enemy of interesting.

If you always act predictable, then by DEFINITION you’re not interesting.

So keep doing things that are interesting and unexpected.

If she wants a kiss, say, “No.” But kiss her later when YOU feel like it. If she sits on your lap, push her off. But give her a hug later when YOU feel like it.

The Dark Side: Don’t do things that are too far out in order to be unpredictable. I said be unpredictable, not UNSTABLE. Don’t get too wild, or you’ll come across as being loopy.

Another facet of this mindset: Don’t be too friendly too early.

This includes touching and smiling. If you do either too much, you’ll mess it up for yourself.

If you act too interested too early, you’ll come across as needy. By leaning back and keeping a calm, indifferent attitude you’ll be more interesting.

I like to take this idea to its extreme by teasing and making a woman beg me for things that she wants and commit to things during times when it’s unfair (in a fun way, of course).

For instance, if she wants a kiss, tell her that you’ll only give her one if she rubs your back, etc. Use your imagination here. The idea is to do things that are unexpected and different.

To summarize, if you become too predictable, you will become uninteresting to a woman. We humans are naturally drawn to things that we cannot completely

figure out. So keep some things a mystery. Do some things that don’t make sense. Don’t be predictable.

Personality Traits That Attract Women

2010-01-03T03:32:00.000-08:00

In the next chapter, I’m going to describe MY particular unique personality and the ‘character’ that I become when I’m meeting women.

But before I do that, I’d like to talk about some of the different personality traits that women find most attractive. Some are better when used with others, and some don’t work well together. Here is the list with brief descriptions. I’ll talk more about combining these later.

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Funny. Humour is just plain powerful with women. If you can keep her laughing, you will go far. Intelligent and Creative. Intelligence is sexy IF it’s used in a way that’s interesting to her. Use your creativity and intelligence to surprise her with ideas, fantasies, and unexpected things that charm her. Educated. Education is attractive to women as long as it’s used in an interesting way. Some women are actually intimidated by education, which usually works in your favor. Classy and Cultured. If you have class, women pick up on it. Do your shoes and belt match? Do you understand interior design and color contrast? Do you know about different types of wine? Do you like foreign movies? Do you understand fashion? Do you like Frank Sinatra? Do you enjoy exotic foods? Do you serve her Hors d’oeuvres and a glass of wine when she visits? Do you open all doors for her? Women notice this stuff BIG TIME. Dominant. Women have an unconscious attraction to dominant men. The dominant males in some primate groups account for up to 75% of all the matings, while the less dominant males go without any. Same goes for humans. Thoughtful. Women don’t just like gifts; they like knowing that you were THINKING of them. The gift is a SYMBOL. Women feel the same amount of good inside whether it’s a card or a diamond (of course, the diamond lasts longer, so there are more ‘times of feeling good’!). But the fact is that women like to know that you’re thinking about them. Even if you’re telling a woman that you don’t like it that she was out with another guy, she’ll like it because it means you were thinking about her! Notices Significant Details. Women don’t just notice details; they USE them to try to be attractive and attentive. If she is wearing a sexy outfit, she didn’t put it on by accident. If her hair is done nicely, it wasn’t a fluke. Women are very impressed and attracted to men who notice these details. Unpredictable/Predictable. Here’s a paradox. Women are drawn to men who they can’t control or predict. They obsess over guys who flirt, give them attention, and then don’t call the next day. Predictability is only attractive when it comes to choosing a HUSBAND. Then a woman usually wants a man who’s VERY predictable. Enthusiastic, Fun, Happy. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a killjoy. Some men get upset and pout when a woman is happy and try to put down the things that she enjoys to sound superior, which is usually a HUGE mistake. Enthusiasm is infectious and attractive. Adventurous. Women are instantly attracted to men who like to do extreme, adventurous, unusual, and even dangerous things. It’s exciting. Adventurism is sexy. Aggressive. Women love men that know what they want and go after it. Passion is a sign of life. I’m not talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into date rape. I’m talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into setting a goal and then going after it with passion and getting it no matter what. Confident/Cocky. Women are magnetically attracted to men who are just a little bit too cocky. Just a little bit. This is a tough one to explain. Many men take this to mean ‘overly arrogant’, which is not what I mean. If you watch Pierce Brosnan in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’, Clarke Gable in ‘Gone With The Wind’, or Tom Cruise in ‘Top Gun’, you’ll get an idea of what I’m talking about. The confident/cocky trait is mild overconfidence combined with humour. Drives women wild. Expertise. If you’re an expert in an area that is interesting to your kind of woman, this can be attractive. It needs to be presented from a “I know a lot about this, let me show you” perspective and not a “I’m cool and you’re not” angle. Attention. Women like attention. And interestingly enough, it’s better to hint at the attention that you’re giving them than to be too overt about it. If you say, “I was thinking about you earlier today, and I just wanted to mention that I really like the sound of your voice...” it’s much more powerful than listening to them complain about something so they think you’re paying attention. Get it? Disinterest, Indifference, a Challenge. Most women are used to being pursued by men in one way or another. If you are indifferent to a woman, make her think that you’re only calling because you’re bored and act almost disinterested sexually, they’ll often do their very best to get your attention. Different is good in this case. Again, this drives most women crazy, and even though they’d hate to admit it, it’s ultra interesting to them. Charm (attention with a polished, smooth approach). This is hard to describe. Watch a James Bond movie to get an idea. And watch ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’. Pay attention to Michael Caine’s character. Charm is powerful because it has a certain ‘prince on a white horse’ aspect to it. Romantic Imagination and Perspective. Watch the movie ‘Don Juan DeMarco’ and listen to how Don Juan interprets the world. Instead of just looking at the surface of a woman, he looks within her to find the beautiful part. A romantic imagination sees opportunities for poetic comments, interesting stories, fascinating history, and emotional interpretation in everything. Expert in Body Language. This is important, as women are constantly sending signals. I’ll talk more about this in a later chapter. Sexual Mastery. Women love sex just as much as men do. But just like everything else in life, a great lover is not easy to find. Women become instantly addicted to skillful lovers who know how to make them feel ecstasy and teach them new ways of feeling incredible.

Every woman is slightly different. There is no one magic system to which every woman responds. If what you’re doing doesn’t work, don’t throw out the system...

try it on a different woman.

The most successful men I know will tell you that they are only successful because they are able to accept ‘no’ and not take it personally. Again, unsuccessful men take a ‘rejection’ as a personal assault on their inner child. Don’t make this mistake.

So start right now. Take a moment and describe the type of woman you’d like to attract and write down the qualities that you think will attract her. Then go to work cultivating these qualities.

The idea is to create your own winning combination and then find a place to use it that offers the best chances for success. You want to come across as interesting, unique, original, and desirable.

By the way, if you don’t know what the women who you’re interested in are attracted to, ASK! That’s right, just walk up to them whenever you see one and say, “Can I ask you a question? I’m sure that you’re probably in a relationship right now, but will you tell me something... I want to know what it is that attracts a woman like you to a man. What do you look for?”

You’ll find that most of the women you pose this question to will be glad to tell you. As a matter of fact, you’ll even find that some will help you in other ways if you ask. They’ll go shopping with you, help you decorate your house, help you choose a hairstyle... everything.

But most guys are afraid to ask, or they feel like a puss because they are asking a woman for help. Do yourself a favor. If you are having trouble, get help. Women are amazingly generous when they are helping a man get his ‘attractiveness’ together.

Let’s Be Friends

2010-01-02T16:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed how women will say, “I like him, but only as a FRIEND.”

Don’t you hate that?

I thought about that one for a long time, and a friend of mine and I have figured out how to turn this one around. Now I always make reference to ‘making friends’ and ‘let’s get together and make friends’ and ‘if nothing else, we can be friends’ in the first conversation and when setting up the first coffee date.

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Then when on the date, I talk about why I like to make ‘friends’ first to get to know the other person. “I think that you’re going to make a nice friend.”

Then, after the friendship frame is established, I flirt like hell and make sexual innuendoes and jokes. This immediately sets up the idea that I’m very in control of myself and that I’m going to JUDGE whether l want to be more than friends based on something more than JUST HER LOOKS.

This is something that a woman has most likely NEVER encountered (as you know, this is a favorite of mine).

By the way, if you talk about being friends first, it makes you remember to look past the looks and find out what kind of person you’re dealing with (If I had a dollar for every guy I know, including myself, that screwed his life up by getting too involved with a woman because she was attractive on the outside, but turned out to be a horrible person...)

You can keep up this ‘let’s be friends’ fun forever. Even after you start dating, still talk about it. It’s easy to have fun with it. You’ll see.

Learn A Few Cold Reading Methods

2009-12-31T08:52:00.000-08:00

Women love things like Astrology, Tarot Cards, Palmistry, Handwriting Analysis, Psychics, and anything else you can think of that most men aren’t interested in.

Here’s what to do:

Go get the books “Handwriting Analysis” by Karen Amend, “Palm Reading: A Little Guide To Life’s Secrets” by Dennis Fairchild. and “An Introduction to Hand Reflexology” by Denise Brown. You can order all of them at Amazon.com.

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Then sit down for an evening and read them. Learn some basics about how to tell people what they’re like from studying handwriting samples, looking at their palms, feeling tension in their bodies, etc.

This stuff is ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING to women.

All you have to do is take a woman’s hand, look at it, and say, “Well, you’re a very interesting person.”

That’s it... it’s almost like magic.

After revealing to her all of her secret desires, you can move directly into your hand massage and Reflexology methods. I’m hoping that the benefits of these techniques speak for themselves.

By the way, it doesn’t hurt to know a few advanced or unusual massage moves either. So you might want to check out a couple of books on massage while you’re at it.

It All Comes Down To Your Skills

2009-12-30T10:22:00.000-08:00

Having a problem? You need a new skill.

If you have some area of your life that isn’t working for you, you probably need a new SKILL.

I realized a few years ago that most people look at themselves and say things like, “There must be something WRONG WITH ME. I don’t know why. I just can’t do it.”

But, in fact, the problem wasn’t something ‘wrong’ with them; the problem was that they needed to learn a new skill or a set of skills.

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Meeting women comes down to SKILLS. If you’re having a problem in a particular area, get new skills to deal with it. For instance, if you have learned to meet women and get phone numbers, you might start having them flake out on you and not show up for planned meetings. Solution: A new skill. You need to learn the skill of getting women to meet you after making plans.

There are many parts to being successful with women, and they all work together. You may already know some of them, you might learn a few more from this book, but if you’re missing a key (like how and when to kiss a woman, for instance) you’ll still keep running into challenges.

Remember, if you’re having a challenge, you need a skill. So remind yourself of this idea, come back to this book to get the information, and then practice until you have the SKILL!

I began by creating self-image exercises based on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Timeline Therapy, and doing them all the time. (Read “Frogs Into Princes” by Richard Bandler and John Grinder and “The Secret of Creating Your Future” by Tad James for more info.)

Here’s one exercise that’s helped me tremendously:

First, I close my eyes and imagine a picture of the person that I want to become. I imagine how I’ll be dressed, the expression on my face, how I’m standing... all the details. Then, I throw that picture up into the air and have it start raining copies of it all around me for as far as I can see... into my past and future... all around me. Exercises like these sometimes sound silly, but they help direct your mind towards the person that you want to become.

One area that I’ve studies extensively is what’s commonly called ‘internal dialogue’ or ‘self-talk’. This is simply the way that you talk to yourself inside your head.

Most people are talking to themselves all day long. But most people are talking NEGATIVELY to themselves instead of talking POSITIVELY. Negative self-talk is, in my opinion, one of the primary causes of low self-esteem, giving up, and a lack of interest in even trying.

If you tell yourself something enough times, you’ll begin to BELIEVE it. This new belief will take on a mind of its own and start creating its own self-talk.

Most people who have negative beliefs also have negative self-talk that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is you, STOP RIGHT NOW.

I may be the first person that’s ever pointed this out to you, so it might sound a little strange. Or, I might be reminding you of something you already know. In any event, make a commitment to yourself to start talking positively to yourself and to be encouraging from now on. Put it on your calendar. Send yourself e-mails. Do whatever you have to do so you remember to be nice to yourself when you talk to yourself.

If you’re one of those people that likes being negative, arguing with everything, finding why things can never work for you, and why everyone is wrong, then do me and yourself a favor and delete this book from your hard drive and e-mail me to ask for a refund. You’ve made a choice to be negative with yourself, and I’m not even interested in helping you see a better way. People who have made the choice to be negative about everything are usually playing out a drama that’s beyond what I’m interested in addressing and probably beyond the power of this book to change.

If, on the other hand, you are one of the people who is willing to give new things a try and agree to begin saying things like, “I can do something if I choose to” and “I can change if I really want to”, then I think you will be successful.

The key here is to begin taking a positive mindset and talking to yourself in a positive way.

Here’s an exercise for you to do: Take out a piece of paper and write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, all the negative things you say to

yourself, and all the areas where a ‘positive’ outlook would help you. Then, start writing down positive things you can say to yourself instead and begin saying them.

Keep working on this exercise until you stop saying negative things to yourself. This could take you years like it did for me. But it’s worth it, so trust me. This one process will improve all areas of your life, so use it everywhere.

It’s also important to make mental pictures and rehearse the success that you’d like to have. As you’re going to sleep, create mental movies of yourself being successful in different kinds of situations and with different types of women. Mental rehearsal is the next best thing to actually doing something, so do it as often as you can.

If you make a mental movie of the ideal you doing the things that I’m going to teach you and review in your mind every day, you will see improvement and results. If you don’t do this part, you’ll be wondering why you can’t seem to get it right when the opportunity comes along.

Self-Image, Self-Talk, And Other Self Stuff

2009-12-29T05:17:00.000-08:00

The way I see it, underpinning all of these outer details and techniques is your self-image, confidence, personality, and all of that other intangible stuff that takes a bit to get under control. So let me address how I got my personal self-image stuff together before I talk about what I do specifically. (By the way, this is the most important part of this book. All of my success has flowed from my attitude and confidence – not the other way around. So if you read nothing else, read this part.)

The Attitude

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When I first started out learning how to meet women, I remember that I had a feeling inside like, “I’m afraid to just walk up to a strange woman and start talking.”

I thought of all kinds of things that could go wrong.

“What if she has a boyfriend nearby who easily gets jealous and wants to beat me up?”

“What if she says something that puts me down and makes me feel bad?”

“What if she says something to someone else about me being a loser because I tried to talk to her?”

All of these different ideas combined inside of me to give me a general fear of meeting women.

I’ve since learned that none of my worst fears would come true when meeting a new woman. I’ve met hundreds and hundreds of women over the last few years – and none (NONE!) have reacted or caused anything to happen that I couldn’t handle in the moment.

In the process I realized something very important:

No tactic works on every woman. Some women are not interested in meeting someone right now.

Some women are lesbians and have no interest in men.

Some women are happily married or in a relationship and don’t want to meet someone new right now.

Some women are angry.

Some are cold.

My guess is that in a random group of 100 women, only about 30 of them might be open to meeting someone new right now (in a romantic sense).

What this means is that 70 AREN’T interested in meeting someone new.

And of the 30 who are interested in meeting someone new, maybe only 15 are nice, friendly, happy people. Do you see where I’m going?

If you want to be successful at meeting women, you have to understand that many of the women you talk to aren’t interested. Most people take things like this PERSONALLY. Instead of just moving on to the next woman, they get all uptight and feel bad about it. I’ve now learned a better way.

I also learned something else that helped me dramatically.

I learned that women are used to being approached, flirted with, and picked up on in general by men. Even women who are what you might call ‘average’ are approached by men on a pretty regular basis. So when you’re about to approach a woman, keep in mind that it’s not like you’re going to try something that she’s never heard of before and shock her. You may not be totally comfortable yet just walking up to any woman, but she’ll be relatively OK with it.

And remember, if she’s not interested, it’s most likely that she’s not interested in anyone right now. Of course it’s true that she might not be interested in your ‘type’ or

you may have acted in a way that she didn’t like, but the fact is that no matter what happens, you’ll find that it’s no big deal.

Just move on.

When I first started my journey, I realized that some of the greatest memories that my friends and I have are when something bad happened to one of us. Looking back, we usually laugh about these things and make fun of each other and ourselves.

So I thought about it, and I realized that getting rejected really harshly by a woman would actually be a funny thing. I imagined my best friend and I saying, “Hey, remember that time when I walked up to that girl in the mall and said “Hi”, but she told me that she doesn’t date men who look like Pee Wee Herman? Ha ha ha ha...”

Think of it this way: If you get shut down really hard, just tell a couple of friends. They may not let you live it down, but at least you can laugh about it! (And if you have friends that won’t help you laugh about it, then you need some new ones.)

Another part of the attitude equation that I realized is that different women respond to different looks, personalities, etc. One woman might only like men who dress in suits and ties, while another might only like women who dress like bad boy rockers. Whatever style you develop, DON’T CHANGE IT JUST BECAUSE SOME

WOMEN DON’T LIKE IT.

The price of big success is having some people dislike you. So once you find a style that works for you, stick with it, and only change it because YOU choose to do so!

Do As Much As You Can To Improve

2009-12-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

First, I looked at myself. I asked, “If I were the type of woman who I would like to attract (I like super hot, very intelligent women), what would make me want to be

with a man?”

So I started reading, listening to tapes, going to seminars… you name it. And I started to work on my ‘presentation’ of myself.

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I now think that it’s important to get EVERY POSSIBLE thing going for you that you can.

Here’s my take: If you have messed up teeth, for instance, that still shouldn’t prevent you from dressing well. So don’t let it.

Get a cool hair style. (It’s OK to ask a stylist what’s cool and get help on this one.)

Buy nice clothes (Don’t tell me that you don’t have the $$$. Get on eBay, or go to the Nordstrom Rack and look at the clearance items. I did it to start.). If you will do just a few key things, they won’t necessarily HELP you attract women, but they’ll get rid of things that are PREVENTING you from attracting women that you DON’T EVEN REALIZE.

Make no mistake that if you’re interested in ATTRACTIVE women, you’d better realize right now that these things make a difference. You don’t have to work out ten times a week, but get your body in at least OK shape. You don’t have to have perfect teeth, but make sure that they’re clean and your breath is great. My personal view: If you’re overweight, poorly groomed, etc., these are all things that are within your control. You should get them handled for YOURSELF. If you don’t, then I’m going to assume that you don’t have very much self-respect, in which case almost NOTHING I tell you can help.

Women notice details that most men don’t. They notice if your belt and shoes match. They notice what kinds of foods you like to eat. They notice all the details and then make assumptions about every other area of your life based on these details.

So learn what nice shoes are and how to keep them nice. Figure out how colors and clothing go together and what is cool. It’s worth it.

I wasn’t ‘cool’ when I started, but now I’ve learned how to become more so. Huge difference. (Am I saying that you can’t attract women if you wear Nike’s and have

messed up hair? No. But remember the old saying: “A blind pig can find an occasional truffle…”)

Of course, don’t overdo it.

I’ve tried the whole dressing well bit in the past to the point of looking like I’m trying too hard. Now I dress more ‘casual nice’. I wear a lot of Calvin Klein T-Shirts with black jeans and nice black shoes, etc. This look with a nice leather coat works well in almost any situation. This is a look that you can put together for a couple or few hundred bucks (for several sets).

Here’s my mindset: Keep improving all the time, even if it’s the SMALLEST DETAIL.

I noticed recently that at least once every time I go out, a girl will ask me for a light. I always just said, “I don’t smoke” or “No”. A couple weeks ago, I said “Ah-Ha” and went to the lighter store SPECIFICALLY to find the coolest lighter that anyone has ever invented. I bought this torch lighter that make a huge flame. It looks like a welding flame. So what do you think happened the first time I went out with it? Right… got asked for a light… and got a ‘wow’ reaction from her, which started a conversation.

A list of random things to improve:

Remember, women notice the details and assume you handle everything else the same way.

Getting Phone Numbers And E-mail Addresses

2009-12-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

I’ve personally stopped focusing on just getting phone numbers. I’ve found that e-mail addresses are far better.

Let me explain.

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I perfected the art of getting phone numbers a couple of years ago. If a woman is single, I can walk up to her and get her number in about a minute. I found out later,

after working like a mad scientist on this skill, that numbers don’t equal success.

You see, women have many different reasons for giving out their phone numbers. Some love the attention of having a lot of men call them. Some like to turn guys down. Some are actually interested. But based on the universal feedback that I get from men and my personal experience, women act differently on the phone than they do in person.

When you call a woman for the first time, she’ll often start acting stand offish or even worse, just plain rude.

I’ve found that getting an e-mail address is not only easier, but it gets more positive responses later on.

It’s almost like women appreciate it that you’ve taken the time to think about what you’re going to say when you write an e-mail to them.

The other benefit of e-mail is that it can be written and answered anytime.

If you call, you have to actually reach them.

But an e-mail can be answered anytime.

And I’ve found that e-mails are answered far more often than voicemail messages.

Here’s the how-to:

After I’ve talked to a woman for about 3 or 4 minutes, I’ll often say something like, “Well, it was nice meeting you. I’m going to get back to my friends.” They usually don’t know what to do, as they’re used to guys clinging. Then, just as I’m turning to walk away… and we kind of disconnect… I turn back and say, “Hey, do you have e-

mail?”

If they say ‘yes’, I take out a pen and paper and have them write it down. (This is great, as I just treat the ‘yes’ that they give me as a ‘yes’ to get it from them as well.

And they’ve ALL gone along with it so far.) Then I say, “Write your number down there too.” I won’t go into all of it, but this move is a powerhouse. When you ask for e-mail, it’s very low risk for them… so they think, “Fine, I’ll do that”… and then when they’re already writing, I get the phone number too… which is more natural.

If they say no, then I bust on them and say, “Well, do you have electricity?” Then I say, “Well, OK then… I like e-mail better, but I’ll take your regular phone number… it’s so damn hard to reach people on the phone these days.”

I hope you get what just happened… OK, then, as they’re writing I say, “Is this a number that you actually answer?” If not, then I say, “Look, write your real number down… it’s going to be OK… I’ll only call you nine times a day.” They laugh and give me their real number.

Just realize that all you have to do is ask.

Like I said, I’ve tried all kinds of things. Many guys say, “But what do I tell her as a reason why I want her number or e-mail?” I’ve never had a woman ask me. If you ask and they give it, then she knows why you asked. If she doesn’t give it to you, then she also knew why you asked. Just assume that this is the case.

If you ask every time, and you do it in a smooth, assuming, calm way, you’ll get a lot of e-mails and phone numbers.

Note: Carry a pen with you at all times.

Be Different In An Attractive Way

2009-12-25T23:55:00.000-08:00

By studying marketing and sales, I’ve learned that humans are attracted to things that are unique. They are also attracted to things that are superior. So I have a phrase that I use: “Different in a preferential way.” In the mating game, it pays to be different in an ATTRACTIVE way.

What I’m about to share with you is a group of ingredients. These are the different ingredients to which women are attracted. It’s up to you to take what you have and to use this list to augment your personality in such a way that it becomes attractive to the type of women with whom you’re interested. The key is to be different in an attractive way.

But make sure that you’re not too different! If you get too carried away with this idea, you’ll be outside of the realm of ‘normal’ and you will wind up hurting yourself. So experiment and test to see what works for you.

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Signs That A Woman Is Interested

2009-12-24T08:44:00.000-08:00

I’ve read all the books that say, “If a woman tilts her head to the side, licks her lips, fondles her hair, and looks over her shoulder at you, there’s a 67% chance that she’s interested in you.”

Here’s what I’ve found:

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The main sign signal that I look for now is, ‘Is she acting friendly to me?’

That’s it. Now, of course some women are more forward than others; but overall, if a woman is acting friendly and keeping up an interesting conversation, you’re usually doing pretty well.

The key is to KEEP GOING AND CONTINUE TO THE NEXT STEP ALWAYS.

I have to stop and explain this point.

Most men don’t realize that THEY NEED TO KEEP ADVANCING.

If your conversation is going well, ask for a phone number.

If you’re out for a walk and the conversation seems to be going well, reach over and kiss her.

If you’re at your house watching a movie and start kissing, take her hand and lead her to your bedroom... get the idea?

Keep advancing.

Women like this and expect it. If they’re not comfortable, they’ll let you know. But don’t worry. Just keep going and advance again at the next opportunity.

Don’t push – advance.

Get A Few Good Props

2009-12-24T01:28:00.000-08:00

Props are things that give a woman something to talk about.

A big stuffed animal in your house might be a prop.

Your dog might be a prop.

A picture of you and your mom might be a prop.

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Colouring books and crayons are a great prop that a friend of mine has used for years.

The idea here is to have things in your house that are unusual, interesting, and fascinating to play with, talk about, watch, whatever.

Books and magazines about interesting topics make great props. I have a big book called Sexual Secrets by Nik Douglas and Penny Slinger on my bookshelf. I didn’t realize that it was such an attention magnet, but whenever anyone male or female sees my bookshelf, they instantly go for that book. It’s big, bold, and provocative. Keep a few good books like this one around for discussion. The book that I mentioned earlier about Palmistry is a GREAT prop. It’s a tiny book about three. Just leave it on your coffee table so that a inches square woman can find it on her own, which leads to the discussion, the palmistry, the touching, etc.

Magic is another great prop. You can learn a few easy coin magic tricks in an afternoon. These work great as conversation starters, for fun with waitresses, etc. Magic is just an all around winner in the props department.

If you play a musical instrument, make sure it’s out and about and ready for playing. Unless, of course, you play the accordion or tuba.

Take a minute and think about what kinds of things the women you are interested in would find fascinating, interesting, and irresistible. Then scatter them around your house.

How Women Test Men And Why

2009-12-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

In my opinion, most women, especially the ‘hotties’, have gone through a learning curve here in our western culture that has on average given them a sort of ‘predictable psychological makeup’. Now, there are differences between these women… some are smart, some are not… some are tall, some are short… some are cerebral, some are physical… etc. etc. etc… but there are things that most of them have in common. I’ve made a study of these things… because this is what interests me.

At some point in their lives, hotties began to be treated differently because they were attractive. I mentioned the social psychology concept earlier called ‘The Halo Effect’. Simply stated, attractive people are assumed to be smarter, more honest, more trustworthy, etc. than others. The fact that people do whatever the hottie wants begins to blur their sense of reality and makes them believe that they can have whatever they want whenever they want it… AND THAT’S JUST THE WAY LIFE IS. (This applies in general.)

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You’ll notice that many super-hotties will throw tantrums if they don’t like what’s going on or aren’t getting their way… this is a sure sign that they are not living in the same reality as most people… when they don’t get what they want, they get upset because this has worked since they were little…

Now, on a subconscious level, I’ve noticed that most hot women realize that they are being ridiculous when they act like bitches, throw tantrums, etc. but it doesn’t really matter because it still WORKS for them when they want what they want… are you with me?

Underneath all of this behaviour, they are still FEMALE and they are looking for what other females are also looking for…

What are women looking for?

Well, for the record, I have no idea. After 30 years of studying people, Freud said that there was one question that he didn’t have the answer to… “What do women want?” Nice.

BUT, here’s my take on it: First and foremost, they want a man who is in CONTROL (of the situation, himself, his emotions, other people, her… control of the entire

reality that they share).

Let me ask you, if you were a woman who wanted to test a man to see if he will stay in control, how would you do it? Would you ask the man, “If I get out of hand, will you spank me and put me in my place?”

NO WAY!!!

So they test us by CHALLENGING us to see if we’ll stay in control. The reason I do all of this “Never give a woman a direct answer… unless it’s NO… Never give a woman exactly what she wants…” etc. is, ironically, to give her what she REALLY wants… a man who’s in control.

Women want a challenge. Think romance novel themes… if you don’t know what I’m talking about, sit down for a week and read “Dangerous Men and Adventurous Women” by Jayne Krentz… “How to Succeed With Women By Being A Jerk” by F.J. Shark… “Endless Rapture” by Helen Hazen… and “Bad Boys” by Margie Palatini… and think about it.

Most of the time, I’m enjoying myself, talking about whatever comes up, making jokes, and generally behaving like a normal person.

But, like anything else, if these techniques are used too much, they become worthless… so they must be used with precision and at the right moments.

What’s interesting is that because I usually (but not always) do these teasing and seemingly controlling things with a bit of a dry humour spin, I believe that the woman who I’m with has an internal response like, “Wow, this guy is cocky, but I can’t tell if he’s serious or not… and I want to find out… but either way, he’s funny and he’s staying interested in me and not being flagrantly abusive… so he must be interested at SOME level…”

The key is to WATCH FOR THE TESTS and be ready when they come.

Most guys screw up when a woman acts bratty… or when a woman gets upset, they say, “Oh, I’m sorry” and mess it up. Or they act nervous, etc. You have to stay in control… If a woman starts getting angry, instead of getting nervous say, “Oh, poor baby is throwing a tantrum… So what. You’ve been doing the same thing since you were 2, and you didn’t get your way.”

SPANK!

Another realization I’ve had is that most women are totally intrigued by men who seem uninterested and crass… it’s almost like they say to themselves, “Wow, this guy seems kind of cocky… and I can’t believe that he’s not interested in having sex with me like all the other dumb pussies that I meet… He’s funny and smart… I

wonder if I can get him interested in me… and when I do, I’ll just dump him like the other losers… but this might be fun…”

Get it?

But if you are going to act this way, you have to keep it up until the end… and I mean to the end.

I’m going to address the ‘treating women well’ issue again.

I treat women very well… they always tell me that they’ve never met a man who treats them so well, etc.

How can this be when I seem like such a ball buster?

Well, it’s simple really… I do nice things for them ON MY OWN TERMS. I will surprise them with a thoughtful e-mail or a card… or I might give them a nice massage… I open doors and walk on the outside of the curb… But part of most women’s romantic fantasy (in my opinion) is the man taking control of the situation and doing things on HIS terms. Try it for yourself… next time you’re going to meet a woman, tell her what to wear… choose the food and tell her to trust you… if she asks for a kiss, say, “No”… but kiss her later when YOU feel like it… if you know that she likes chocolate, and she asks for some… don’t give it to her… but surprise her with some next time you see her… get it?

Here are a couple of rules of thumb that I use:

Hot women can have anything they want. What they want is a challenge… something that keeps their interest. If a woman can have anything she wants anytime she wants it, then WHY THE HELL DO GUYS THINK THAT THEY’RE GOING TO BE INTERESTING BY DOING THE SAME THING THAT EVERY OTHER GUY HAS DONE? Duh.

Always send mixed signals. Tell her I want to be friends and kiss her. Tell her what she just did was unacceptable and then go kiss her. Spank her if she does something nice. Also, respond differently to the same thing. For example, one time if she comes over and sits on my lap, I kiss her. Another time I push her off… get it? Never be predictable… NEVER.

For the record, when I say, “always” and “never”, I don’t really mean “ALWAYS 100% WITHOUT EXCEPTION EVER.” I mean that you should do these as much as you possibly can, because you really can’t overdo any of them as long as you stay cocky and funny while you’re doing them.

The test is always, “Is she laughing, smiling, having fun most of the time?” If so, you can’t overdo these four rules.

Chivalry

2009-12-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

My experience is that women love chivalry.

I personally like to open doors for women, etc.

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Here are a few things that you can do that women will find irresistible:

Open doors for them. I open all doors. Car doors, house doors, restaurant doors... any door that shows up. If you step just a little ahead and open each door, this will create an impression.

Pull out their chairs. Only do this if it makes sense and it’s reasonable. But if you can, do it. Women love to feel like a man is watching over them and making sure they are taken care of. This is another little way to show it.

Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. Most men, and even many women, don’t know that men are ‘supposed’ to walk on the outside of the sidewalk (closest to the traffic) just in case a car jumps the curb, so she’ll be safe and he’ll instead be hit. Do this, and if they don’t know why you’re doing it, explain the reason. Nice touch.

On Cuddling

2009-12-18T04:17:00.000-08:00

I personally love to cuddle. I discovered something almost entirely by accident one time when I was talking to a girl on the phone one night. We were having a discussion about the differences between men and women and I said something to this effect:

“Do you like to cuddle? I really like to cuddle… as a matter of fact, if I had to choose between cuddling and sex, I’d choose cuddling. Now don’t get me wrong, I love sex… but cuddling is the best… can you cuddle all night?”

Then I said, “I really like to kiss, and I can just kiss and cuddle... and touch someone all night... and feel wonderful...”

By the time I was finished, she started saying, “I’m really getting turned on right now”... she actually asked me to have phone sex with her!

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I’ve had this happen on the phone several times since, and it’s not a coincidence.

When you’re talking to a woman, if you start talking about kissing, cuddling, touching... and you are very specific about it... “I like to run the tips of my fingers over the part of your shoulder where it touches your neck” ... a woman will start to actually experience it.

Try this one!

If you can learn how to talk to women in a way that stimulates their imagination, you can get them turned on over the phone.

I’m sure you can imagine the benefits of having this skill. If you don’t have any idea how to talk romantically, just read a couple of romance novels. I know that they make no sense, but use the stuff anyway. It works!

The Initial Approach

2009-12-16T10:02:00.000-08:00

This one is simple.

I’ve tried probably 50 different types of ‘lines’ and techniques for meeting women, and I’ve found that the simple ones work the best.

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If I’m in an environment that has a lot of people, and I’m with a friend, I like to start by asking a woman for her ‘opinion’ on something. Here’s how it happens… first of all, I keep my eyes open for current affairs and interesting trivia that involves gender differences and tension. This makes for amazing conversation openers with hot, intelligent women.

My latest favorite: “Hey, let me ask you a question. My friend and I were talking about something, and I think we need a female perspective…” (This is a killer, by the way. It’s taken me a long time to figure this one out… but it kicks ass). Then I say, “I was just looking on the Internet… and did you know that the average woman in America is 5’ 4”, weighs 150 pounds, and wears a size 14?” Ohhhhhhhhhh DAMMIT...

I LOVE THIS ONE!

They usually grab the ball and take off into the conversation with just that question.

Others include, “Do you think that men understand what women really want and need?” and “What do you think of this new trend of women wanting to pay their own way… and the Charlie’s Angel’s theme song that sings about it as almost a stuck up thing to do?”

You with me here?

After starting a conversation, get into Mr. Cocky and Funny mode, and you’ll do some good work.

If I’m alone, and the woman is alone or with friends, I usually start with a compliment opener… depending on the situation.

And I always try to tie it into the situation, so it doesn’t sound canned. Women that I run into can smell canned openers… I think that they’re getting popular again or something… because women can sense them like a dog sensing kitties.

I might say, “Excuse me… <Pause pause pause for effect> I noticed you when I walked in, and I had to take a second to find out what you were like…” or something

equally plausible sounding.

What I’ve realized is… if you’re going to approach a woman, what you say doesn’t much matter as much as HOW you say it (remember the character thing?).

So keep a serious look on your face (no big cheesy smiles) as this approach creates the feeling that you’re not overly excited. Then speak with a slow, mysterious confidence.

I’ve met many men who have big problems getting past the idea of walking up to women who they don’t know and starting a conversation. In fact, I had a huge issue too when I started learning about how to deal with women. My best advice is to just go for it and keep doing it until you finally get over it.

One guy I know went to a mall one day and walked up to every woman he saw to get over his fear. He said that he felt sick in the beginning, but the fear eventually went away. And then he did it again another day, and the fear went away a little faster. And now he can walk up to any woman anywhere and start talking.

Just remember, the only power any woman has in your life is THAT WHICH YOU GIVE HER. So don’t give away any of your power. Keep your power for you.

If you are turned away by her, or you get a rude person, just move on to the next one. Persistence is the price of success.

It’s OK To Be A Man

2009-12-15T05:47:00.000-08:00

After many years of studying, researching, and trying many different things, I’ve now realized that there is a conspiracy against men being successful with women.

It’s very real, and it’s very pervasive in our culture.

Let me explain.

Most men that I know have some kind of ‘feeling’ that it’s wrong in some way to sleep with more than one woman at a time. (I’m not even referring to a Ménage à Trois, either. I’m talking about plain old run-of-the-mill dating a couple of women at a time here.)

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But most women that I know have more than just a ‘feeling’ about this idea. Most women are outspoken and very forward about the idea that it’s WRONG for most men to date and sleep with more than one woman.

You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices when they talk about this topic.

If you know what I’m talking about, give me a silent nod here.

What I’ve discovered by doing my homework is that the moral idea of monogamy (having only one partner at a time) has been formalized, passed down, and force-fed to us culturally by rulers, religions, and women for thousands of years.

I don’t mean to get too far out here, but I feel that understanding from where these beliefs came and how they are promoted will liberate many readers.

Onward.

Anywhere from hundreds to thousands of years ago, rulers of lands kept large harems of women. These harems were guarded carefully to prevent any males except the rulers from having access to these women. The penalty for sleeping with one of the ruler’s women could be, in an extreme case, your own death and the deaths of everyone in your family and village. (Back then there were bigger risks involved!)

These rulers kept so many women not just for the sexual variety that it provided them, but also for the reproductive power that it gave them. These rulers often had detailed records kept so they could copulate with only the most fertile women and maximize the woman’s chances of pregnancy and passing on their own genes.

So what do you think these rulers did to protect their harems?

Right! They passed laws (from which they were exempt) to promote monogamy.

In these times there was a great shortage of women, so these laws would discourage married men (those lucky enough to find a woman) from seeking sex outside of their marriage and therefore further protect the ruler’s harem.

Next, we have the church.

Many religions prohibit sex, make sex ‘wrong’, give it some name with a negative connotation like ‘fornication’, or in one way or another discourage it.

I once heard a wise man say, “Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and procreate and makes it wrong.” Why? Well, if you’re

busy fighting your internal drives, and you see God as the only way to cleanse yourself of these ‘bad’ thoughts, then you are a much better SHEEP.

If you want to get people to follow you, first confuse them, then convince them that you know the way to get them out of their confused state. Easy.

Finally, we have women. This is the interesting one.

If you look at it from an ‘economic’ standpoint, it doesn’t benefit women at all to have their man running around having sex with other women. She can only be pregnant with one child at a time, and she can only raise a limited number at a time. So having a man who’s out spreading his seed is BAD BAD BAD for business for her.

When you’re out spreading seed, you can’t be working or at home helping. Even worse, you might have other kids with other women who will further divide your attention and income. (By the way, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with women’s perspectives. I’m just saying that if you look at it from their point of view, there’s not a lot of benefit to having a man who likes to sleep with a lot of women.)

So anything that promotes monogamy like religion is seen as ‘right’ to many women, as it goes along with what they think and feel.

Now let’s talk about men.

My research leads me to believe that men are ‘naturally’ inclined to have one main woman to whom they are devoted, but that they like to sleep with other

women as the opportunity arises. You can believe what you want, but do yourself a favour and read Matt Ridley’s book, The Red Queen, before you start speculating.

Think about it. There are major advantages to men (or at least to their genes) to sleep with many women.

First, it doesn’t take a lot of energy, and there’s not very much risk involved. (I realize that there is risk of disease, etc., but for the moment think about the fact that a man could probably father dozens of children before a disease would take him out, making the tradeoff, genetically speaking, a no-brainer.)

I personally believe that men are hard-wired to look for sexual opportunities and seek out sexual variety. (Let me also add that just because you’re hard-wired to like sweet foods doesn’t mean that you should only eat sweet foods. This will lead you to sickness and eventually to disease and death.)

With this in mind, I’d like you to ask yourself:

What are my beliefs about monogamy?

Where did they come from?

Do I like my beliefs?

Do my beliefs conflict with my inner drives?

Would I like to change what I believe based on this new information?

In any event, from now forward, don’t let anyone or anything make you feel bad because of your NATURAL desires and attraction to women. (I’m of course talking about reasonable desires and attractions. If you like to think about hurting women, underage women, etc., then do yourself a favor and get some help.)

But if you’re like me and you were given a set of ideas about women that you are now realizing to be less than useful, then move on and start thinking about the

subject differently.

My perspective is that sleeping with different women breaks no ‘law of the universe’, and it’s not an ethical dilemma for me. Any objections that are in existence were created mostly to control and not to liberate. My perspective is also that it’s important to be honest with people about your views. And yes, this means talking to women about them. In my life, I’ve mostly had long-term girlfriends. And if I tell a woman that I’m going to be faithful, then I am.

But if I’m single, then I see nothing wrong with dating as many women as I want. (Keep in mind that there are some crazy viruses, diseases, and other scary bugs that want to jump on your wiener. So use good judgment.)

I’ve found that if you explain this topic like I just have to a woman, you’ll often show her a perspective that she’s never even considered. My experience is that women actually LOVE to hear a man talking this way. It’s refreshing to women to hear a man being open about this controversial topic rather than hiding his ideas. It’s important to remember what I said above: “It’s OK To Be A Man.”

If you are who you are and make no apologies for yourself, you will be taken seriously. But if you approach the topic cautiously and act like you’re trying to see if she’s OK with your views, you’ll be seen as weak and insecure.

I’ve found that most women will accept you as you are. But if you try to act like someone that you’re not and you’re found out, you will be treated with disrespect and ex-communicated.

Why Women Are Attracted To Things Like Fame, Money, And Power

2009-12-14T00:28:00.000-08:00

In my opinion, women are attracted to things like fame, money, and power because they are genetically and socially programmed on an unconscious level to believe that these men are more intelligent, more fun, more interesting, more able to give them the lifestyle – and MOST IMPORTANTLY – more able to give them the Influence, Robert

FEELINGS that they want. In his book Cialdini talks about a psychological principle called the ‘Halo Effect’. In a nutshell, humans naturally assume that attractive and powerful people are smarter and more trustworthy than average people.

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A woman desires a man who fits into her self-image fantasies that have been forming since she was very young. And thanks to Disney these fantasies were imbedded even further than her genetic wiring ever intended.

Overall, the answer is to realize that rich, powerful, famous guys have the advantage at the beginning from their FAMILIARITY and ASSUMED, PROJECTED positive traits. But if you can learn to get a woman’s attention and then give her the FEELINGS that she’s always wanted, she’ll treat you like you’re famous, rich, and powerful as

well.

A tall, handsome man, or a famous rich man ‘pushes a button’ and triggers certain feelings inside of a woman. If you’re not rich, famous, tall and/or super attractive, you have to learn to ‘install the button’ so that when they see you, they automatically have those feelings. The good news is that you can do this with most women, whereas you cannot with most men.

While women are interested in looks to some degree, they are MORE interested in how you make them feel. Even if you don’t understand this concept, you have to believe and start acting as if it’s true. You must behave as if you confidently believe that you are the best thing for a woman and that you are going to make her feel wonderful.

Women can pick up this particular belief, and they respond to it.

Ask yourself:

Then start doing these things. When you’re talking to a woman, imagine how good you’re going to make her feel. Fake it till you make it. Just do it. Women will notice.

Internal States

2009-12-13T13:57:00.000-08:00

Finally, I’m going to address the idea of your ‘states’. By ‘state’ I mean the feeling that you have in your body.

Can you remember a time when you felt happy and excited?

Can you remember a time when you felt powerful and energetic?

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If you can, then you can HAVE THESE FEELINGS ANY TIME YOU WANT THEM. Most people don’t use their memories to help them feel good because they say, “Well, that’s not really how I’m feeling; I’m just imagining it.” Well, I have news for you: You’re ALWAYS just imagining it. You might as well imagine it at times when you need it instead of having it happen on accident!

Here’s how to apply this idea:

Write down three states that you’d like to be able to put yourself into anytime you’d like. Then, write down three times in your life when you felt each of those states. Finally, close your eyes and put yourself into each of the three situations that made you feel the state that you want. Also, do SOMETHING UNIQUE with your body as you’re remembering. For instance, if you’d like to feel powerful and confident, while you’re remembering times when you felt this way, breathe out quickly while

puckering your lips.

If you do this process of remembering the states and exhaling quickly at the same time, all you have to do in the future is close your eyes, breathe out quickly while remembering the feelings, and you’ll have the states that you want. It’s like having a ‘push’ button for feeling good about yourself.

Next, you have to practice putting yourself into your three powerful states when you’re in different environments. So go to different places and practice getting yourself into your states with distractions, etc. This might take some doing, but once you have it

mastered, you’ll be able to get yourself into a positive state when you’re not feeling it to begin with (Could this exercise be useful when you’re feeling shy or afraid to

meet someone? Maybe!)

I also started keeping a personal journal of everything that I was learning and doing, so I could reflect on it.

Places To Go

2009-12-11T03:12:00.000-08:00

I’ve learned that it’s more interesting to GO somewhere and DO something with a woman than it is to go on a ‘date’.

If you want to do more than just have coffee with a

woman, consider going somewhere fun to shop. I prefer funky, eclectic neighborhoods and shops. These are places full of wacky and fun items. It will give you an ongoing, changing set of things to talk about.

And the best part is that you don’t have to buy anything.

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When you go to these types of places, you can just have fun and talk. Make sure you wander away from her a few times while you’re out. This keeps the ‘I’m not

needy’ thing going on.

Remember, you don’t have to spend money to have fun.

The Underlying Motives

2009-12-10T02:43:00.000-08:00

I think that it’s important to look at the differences between men and women from an objective perspective.

Remember that just about every thought and behaviour that a woman has, no matter how little sense it may make to you, has some positive intention behind it. Drama is often to get attention. Jealousy is often a way of protecting a relationship. Games are often used to make sure that a man is serious and willing to invest energy.

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So as you work to become more successful with women, remember not to take things personally. Don’t get discouraged if you encounter games, drama, and things that you don’t understand. It’s all part of the game.

I believe that underneath it all, men are usually trying to find women who will give them sex, and women are usually trying to find men who will give them loyalty and commitment. This has evolved over many millions of years, and these goals contain an obvious conflict of interest.

So just realize this conflict exists, and as you learn, remember to take it into consideration. And, of course, don’t take any of it personally. Men have been dealing with all of these same issues for a long, long time.

The Six Things That Attract Women

2009-12-05T23:25:00.000-08:00

I’ve done a lot of research on this topic, and I believe that women are most attracted to these six things:

Now, numbers one through five are largely out of your immediate control. If you’re not rich, you’re probably not going to get rich this week. If you’re not famous or tall, you’re probably not going to be in a hit movie or grow 6 inches in the next 24 hours.

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So that leaves us with number six: PERSONALITY.

The good news is that as far as I’m concerned, your personality is your GREATEST ASSET in the success-with-women game.

Fortunately, it’s the one thing you can change. And it’s the one thing that can OVERCOME all the rest. After you’ve done what you can to look your best, etc. you have to develop a personality that’s absolutely magnetic. Now let’s talk about how you can do just that.

By the way, the one quality that attracts women the most (and keeps them attracted) is not something that they can initially ‘look’ for. It’s the way they FEEL when they are with you or thinking of you. If you don’t have wealth, power, fame, or looks, you’re going to have to use your personality to make them FEEL good. In the end, your personality is the most powerful asset you have.

It’s A Game To Them

2009-12-05T06:47:00.000-08:00

Women often view men picking up on them as a sort of game. They talk about it with each other, they have standard lines that they learn when you ask for their number such as, “Why don’t you give me YOUR number instead and I can call you...?” and so on.

I know that some, maybe even most women go out on weekends with the mindset of “I’m never going to meet Mr. Right at a club, but it boosts my ego to have men paying attention to me by the dozens, and I like to have free drinks... and I love to dance with my girlfriends and be a tease... and I love the power of shooting men down while pretending to be annoyed by it... etc.”

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Getting Them Interested In You

2009-12-04T04:44:00.000-08:00

An important distinction that I’ve made which attracts women is to never act too happy.

Women are intrigued by men who are calm and almost unaffected. The real hotties are used to having men get nervous when talking to them, and they can sense that you’re different when you stay very cool and calmly talk to them.

NEVER let them sense that you’re too interested in the beginning.

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I just read tonight in a book about cats that a cat will approach the person in the room that is least interested in it. Somehow, cats can detect when someone is paying no attention, which is what attracts them. WOMEN ARE THE SAME.

I know that this one doesn’t make any sense, but if you start acting uninterested, you’ll see that women will start giving you the “What’s wrong? You don’t like me?” response. Now, you may think this is manipulation, but I think of it as having fun, teasing, and being challenging. And by the way, I’ve told several women about this stuff later on after I got to know them better... and they ALL told me that it worked, and they’re glad that I did it in one way or another.

Your 7-Step Guide To Getting Physical

2009-12-03T14:33:00.000-08:00

When you get back to the house, say, “Well, I have to get up early in the morning...but...OK, you can come in for a few minutes...” Take her on a quick tour and then sit down on a bed or on the couch. Use ‘The Kiss Test’ – Start stroking the bottom of her hair while you are talking. If she enjoys it, she’s into you! Lean in and lightly smell her shoulders… then pull back… then do it again. Slowly work your way up to smelling her neck and ears. Keep building up tension… and finally give her a kiss… then pull back. Accuse HER of being “forward”. Wait for her to make the first sexually aggressive move… then say, “All you have to do is say please”. If she says, “No no no...”, just roll over and look up away from her, which will make her curious. Pull back again and wait for her to come to you. Turn up the heat with the sensual kissing, breathing in her ears, etc. until she gets more excited (i.e. breathing getting faster, heart race starts increasing, etc.)… then make her say “please” again!

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How To Get The First Meeting

2009-12-03T03:49:00.000-08:00

First of all, I’m going to explain my mindset: I have decided that I need about 20-30 minutes to get to know a woman before I decide to invest in getting to ‘really’ know her.

I actually like women for their company, and who I’d enjoy seeing for more than just one ‘get laid’ session.

So I like to meet a woman for a cup of tea and talk for a bit, or even let that lead to a bite to eat sometimes. So my mindset is that I’M THERE TO QUALIFY THEM. Not the other way around. They pick up on this mentality and

respond accordingly.

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Body Language Basics

2009-12-03T02:02:00.000-08:00

Many people agree that women are far more sensitive to body language than men are.

I have to say that in my experience, women can detect all kinds of things from body language. Ask a female friend to describe what’s going on with a person by looking at them, and you’ll be surprised at all the information they’ll give you.

So it follows that if women are so in tune with body language, you might as well get some of the basics together so you’re transmitting the right messages.

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My opinion is that women prefer men who are confident, bordering on arrogant.

Most women will tell you that arrogant men turn them off, but I’ve found that if you mix humour with a little arrogance, it’s a killer.

So how do you use your body to telegraph confidence?

Well, first of all walk upright, hold your head up, and hold your shoulders back.

Next, SLOW DOWN your movements and make slower, calculated gestures.

Then, make eye contact and keep it when you see women. Don’t look away until they do and kind of squint while raising an eyebrow.

I’ve done a lot of work in this area, and I’ve found that by SLOWING DOWN, I create mystery and intrigue. I literally practice slowing down my walk, my gestures, how fast I turn my head, how fast I talk, and even how fast I blink.

Also, start taking up more space and opening up your physiology. If you’re seated, keep your legs and arms uncrossed. Keep your legs far apart and your shoulders

back. Don’t lean forward; lean back.

This might sound a little far out to some people, but these LITTLE details make all the difference when dealing with a woman.

It’s amazing how fast most women can detect insecurity, neediness, and low self-esteem.

I personally believe that when a man is self-confident (or more specifically, a woman BELIEVES that he is), women are attracted to him on an UNCONSCIOUS level. What I mean is that I think this behaviour activates a part of a woman’s brain that can’t help but feel an attraction.

If you’d like a model of confidence, watch some James Bond movies. You’ll notice that James almost never smiles, and I can’t remember when I’ve ever seen him laugh.

But James is the sex symbol of masculine adventure.

Does he do the things that I mentioned above? Of course. That’s where I learned a lot of them. Ha!

Another way to demonstrate and project confidence is to PAUSE while you’re talking. Pausing on purpose creates suspense and tension.

It’s great. If you combine pauses with serious looks, you will create an air of power and confidence.

For example, you might say, “Well, if I were you, I’d just tell her what you think” like so... “Well... (pause) if I were you... (pause and look into eyes with serious look) I’d just tell her what you think.”

This creates what’s known as a ‘subtext’ to the communication. On the surface you’re talking about the normal conversation. But underneath, you’re communicating suspense, confidence, and mystery.

If you learn how to mix a seductive voice tone and body language with regular conversation, you’ll find that you can get women turned on talking about random things like the weather.

Pause often. It will do wonders for your communication style.

Meeting Women Online

2009-12-01T00:49:00.000-08:00

America Online is the greatest gift to lazy men who want to meet women that has ever been created.

Think of it!

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An environment where you get to lead with your personality and not your looks... a place where there is a level playing field... a place where you can think about what you want to say before saying it... a place where you can actually practice everything in slow motion!

Ahhh.

Step 1: Get an AOL account.

Step 2: Go to www.amihotornot.com and start placing different pictures online to see which one gets the highest ratings. Take the one or ones that get the best ratings and use them online (I personally tried several pictures. The worst picture got me an overall rating of 3; the best got me an overall rating of over 8. Think about that! Same guy, but just a different picture! And the one that women liked the best wasn’t the one that I would have guessed. Go figure.

Step 3: Set up a free photo-personal on AOL, plus check out other online personal sites. (Make sure you test pictures to get a good one!)

Step 4: Learn how to search the member directory on AOL and start some conversations.

Step 5: Go to some chat rooms and just WATCH the conversations to learn how to communicate online.

Step 6: Learn to type fast. Big advantage online.

Step 7: Use the communication skills that I’m teaching you to make women laugh online. Humour is key.

Step 8: Get a woman on the phone as soon as you possibly can. Don’t become just another online pal. The longer you wait, the lower your chances will be to meet

her.

Step 9: Get MORE THAN ONE picture! And ask if they still look like the pictures that they sent. I have horror stories that you don’t even want to hear. Take my advice and ASK FOR DETAILS!

Step 10: Some women are very nervous about meeting people from the Internet. Some aren’t. I like to make jokes about it and turn it around. I say things like, “Well, you seem really nice. I’d invite you to call me, but I’m afraid that you might be one of these weirdoes... or some guy pretending to be a woman...” Ha ha ha! Get out there and practice this stuff. Learning the online world takes awhile, but it’s worth it if you like to meet women anytime you feel like it.

Find Others

2009-11-30T17:26:00.000-08:00

MOST IMPORTANTLY I found and started to hang around guys who WERE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN. This was the biggie. I owe much of my success to the guys who showed me in the real world what they did. It wasn’t the books and the people selling tapes and seminars. It was the guys who were successful in the real world. What I do now resembles nothing that I’ve really read in a book or learned from an author.

So the BEST advice I can give you is to find about 5 guys in your area that know what they’re doing and say, “Hey, I really want to get this part of my life handled…can I take you to dinner (no kissing) and pick your brain man?” Be humble and cool, and you’ll make some friends. Like I said, find about 5 different guys so you can get different perspectives and see how it all fits together.

By the way, go read Chapter 10 in “Think and Grow Rich” about the ‘Master Mind’ group. IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE, DO THIS ONE THING. IT WILL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.

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How To Take The Next Step

2009-11-29T11:41:00.000-08:00

OK, so we’re on the way home from coffee (because I said, “OK, let’s go…”) and we’re back at my house. Here’s one that I love… If it’s at night, look at your watch and

say, “Well, I have to get up early in the morning… but… OK, you can come in for a few minutes…”

This is perfect! You’re talking to her like she’s trying to convince you to let her in, and she hasn’t said anything! Nice. (Read it again if you didn’t pick up what I

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said.)

Then I just walk in and let her follow. (By the way, again, I always open doors for women, walk on the outside of the curb, and pull chairs out, etc.) If you act chivalrous and bust her balls at the same time, you’ll be rewarded with good things from Santa.

So now we’re in the house… and I take her for a tour… and either sit down on my bed to talk to her or on the couch… wherever we kind of wind up. And I just kind of get a little quieter and let her talk while I look at her. I lean away from her and keep looking… sometimes looking away as if I’m thinking about something.

Then, I reach over and start stroking her hair while she’s talking. I stroke down at the bottom first. If she’s OK with this, I take it as a sign that she’s WAAYYYYY into me and is probably going to be wanting sex within 60 minutes (if you have any doubts, ask a woman if she’ll let a guy stroke her hair while she’s on his bed on the first

date if she’s not into him).

This is a big piece of the puzzle that I’ve figured out… I used to do all kinds of massages and other stuff, but I now use the simple hair stroke test. If they like their hair stroked, they are at VERY LEAST going to be making out with me in short order, period. I’ll occasionally do a hand massage here or a little neck massage, but next I pull her close to me and cuddle with her… and then land the killer.

I have personally always liked the way women smell… so when she’s laying next to me with my stroking her hair, I begin to smell her shoulders… just a little at first, and then more and more… while stroking her hair. Within about 5 or 10 minutes, I’m smelling her neck and ears…no kissing, and no groping at all. Never! I’m just smelling,

then leaning back and acting like I’m completely enjoying the smelling, and it’s relaxing me. Try this, my friends… if you can keep on smelling… she’ll get so turned on that you won’t believe it! At some point she’ll try to kiss me… which is what I’m waiting for. I will let her lips get close to mine… even touch just a teensy bit… and then I’ll back away and keep smelling. I might say, “Oh, you’re kind of forward” … love it. After a few of these, I’ll kiss her… and run my hands through her hair… the whole romantic kiss thing… then, again, I’ll stop. This kind of teasing and teasing is very stimulating to women. They love it.

I’m waiting for her to start doing something that is sexual... for instance grinding her hips on me... or grabbing my ass... whatever.

When I’m patient, the woman will usually do something that is subtly sexual FIRST. This is key, as she’s then the aggressor....

Then I do a little verbal move and say, “All you have to do is say PLEASE.”

I’m laughing as I write this... damn this is great.

So the first time, she’ll say, “No no no... I’m not going to beg you...” and I just say, “OK”...

Then I roll over or just lay back and look up... away from her. This usually makes the woman begin to wonder what the heck is going on and come over and start cuddling, kissing, etc. me again.

I keep on with the sensual kissing, breathing in her ears... all that good stuff... and when she gets worked up again and I hear her breathing getting faster, heart rate increasing, etc., I just say, “All you have to do is say PLEASE...”

OK, you get the idea... I keep doing this until she says, “OK OK, please... please...”

If you need help on what to do after this step, buy a copy of” How To Drive Your Woman Wild In Bed” by Graham Masterson and “Sexational Secrets” by Susan Bakos. Do it.

My Story

2009-11-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

I made the decision a few years ago that I needed to get the area of my life ‘handled’ called ‘dealing with women’. So I made a decision and a commitment to myself and my best friend that I would do whatever it took to learn and ‘figure this out’. (Read Chapter 1 from “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill for more on this

mindset.)

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Some background: The girlfriends that I had in the past were mostly from luck now that I reflect on it. They were there, and I felt lucky to have them as my girlfriend at the time.

But I never knew how to approach women I didn’t know, and I could sit in a bar for three hours making eye contact with a woman and never have the nerve to go talk to her. Right now I’m just turning 30, and I’m about 5’10” and 160 pounds. I think I’m reasonably good looking, but I’ve never been the kind of guy that women just walk up and approach. (I say this to give you a frame of reference in relationship to the comments I make relating to looks, etc.) I’ve made myself more attractive by paying attention, learning, and using what works.

When I made the decision to get this part of my life handled, I decided that instead of trying to start with an angle (working at a strip club, becoming famous for something, etc.) that I would like to learn in a way that gave me power to act with just my personality and presentation. In other words, I wanted to make this part of who I was rather than a ‘trick’.

I have a rule of thumb in life that I use… it takes about 2-4 years just to get ‘good’ at something. And I mean JUST TO GET GOOD. Think martial arts, playing an Mastery by instrument…anything. (Read Chapter 1 of Leonard for more wisdom on this topic.)

Sure, you can have some success and fun while learning, but experience has shown me that to really ‘get’ something and to be able to use it in many contexts successfully, you need to apply yourself for 2-4 years.

THEN, I think it takes another 2-4 years to become a ‘master’ of whatever you’re doing.

At the 10+ year level is usually where the Genius level really kicks in…

My point here is to say that I’ve been applying myself for a few years now, and I am now at the point where I feel confident and in control around women. I encourage you to make this a long-term commitment rather than just trying to get an instant cure. It will be worth it in the long run.

If you’re just plain lazy and want a shortcut, go ahead and try all of them. But you’ll most likely find, like most others do, that massive success with this material takes

practice, effort, and a commitment.

What Outcome Are You Looking For?

2009-11-29T00:11:00.000-08:00

Most men that I talk to about this topic really can’t explain the EXACT outcome that they’re looking for.

So let me ask you...

Are you looking for a one night stand?

Are you looking for a girlfriend?

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Are you looking for a wife?

Are you looking to get this part of my life called ‘confidence with women’ handled?

What is it that you’d like to do?

Once you choose an outcome for yourself, you can apply what you’re learning to that outcome. If you have no outcome, then you’re going to be like a ship in the ocean with no particular port as your destination. With no target, there is a very small chance that you’ll ever be successful.

Take a moment and write down your goal as it relates to women. Then think about that goal as you read the rest of this book.

The idea here is to give yourself a framework to work within and one to plan around. Failing to plan is planning to fail.

The First Date Is NOT An Interview

2009-11-27T21:11:00.000-08:00

I have had so many readers write and ask me, “How should I act on the first date? What should we talk about? How do you keep the conversation interesting?”, that I

felt I should address these points a bit further.

The first thing to remember when you’re meeting up with a girl for ‘a date’ is that it’s NOT an INTERVIEW. You’re not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don’t act like it.

It’s so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant and I hear a couple that’s obviously out on their first date... and the guy has no idea what to do. It sounds

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something like this:

“So, did you grow up around here?”

“Where did you go to school?”

“Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?”

Painful. Why is it that people tend to act like they’re on job interviews when they go out on dates? It’s such a not-right thing to do. I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.

Here’s a good rule of thumb: ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING, PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS.

And why is this? Good question. And I’m glad you asked.

First, let’s talk about WHY most guys allow the conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics... Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of ‘I don’t want to screw this up’. In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.

They try to present themselves as ‘nice guys’ who love mom, have a good job, and are stable.

Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner). I don’t know where this concept came from, but it’s just not a very effective approach.

WOMEN AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION. Attraction happens when there is energy, spice, humour, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and saucy conversation.

So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of BOREDOM, you’re going to have to learn a new way. You’re going to have to learn to talk about something else.

The trick to not talking about the ‘usual’ things is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.

Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics to humans in general? Right – drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful to one of the parties involved. Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to mind:

“So what’s with The Osbournes being MTV’s #1 show of all time? I guess people just can’t get enough of dysfunctional family life... they have to watch it on TV too.”

“I’m so bummed that Justin broke up with Britney. They were so damn cute together. I was hoping that they’d have a daughter with fake blonde hair and breast implants at birth.”

“Have you tuned into this ‘Cheaters’ TV show? Don’t you just love it when they come storming into someone’s house and catch the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?”

These topics will light up a conversation like nobody’s business. And they create all kinds of opportunities to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes and

neurotic behaviour of others. The trick is that you must remember you’re not there to impress her, and you’re not on a job interview. The more you act nervous, stilted, and

uncomfortable... like you’re trying to impress her and get her approval... and like you don’t want to say anything that might make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are to trigger that all-important ATTRACTION inside of her.

And here’s a real twist on this theme: If SHE starts asking the ‘normal’ questions about school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to bust on her and say, “What, is this a job interview?” or “Can’t you think of something interesting to talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-family conversation. Let’s save that until we’re picking names for our kids.”

Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:

1) History. Women love to hear stories about the history of places. If you’re in an interesting part of town, tell her the story of how the area came to be named, or why the city was built where it is. And if the story involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.

2) Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless. Try learning a little about fashion, so this way you can make fun of it while acting like you know what you’re talking about. “Didn’t Madonna really screw up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?”

3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your wild perspective on others. “You know, I’ve been trying to figure out why so many people these days are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it might be all the NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys on the radio.” This one can be a lot of fun... be creative.

Do you see where I’m going with this? If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be INTERESTING. The old-fashioned act-like-you’re-on-a-job interview rap just doesn’t cut it. Now, for some guys, the ideas that I’ve just talked about will make sense but won’t come naturally. That’s OK. You may have to work on this for awhile, especially if you’ve spent the last 25 or so years doing the wrong thing. Old Proverb: “No matter how far down the wrong road you’ve gone, TURN BACK.”

So remember, attraction isn’t a choice. And attraction doesn’t make logical sense. If you want to create that magical “chemistry”, then you’re going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE it.

How To Meet Women

2009-11-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

OK, now let’s talk about the nuts and bolts of how to meet women.

Guys are constantly trying to find new ‘angles’ and ‘lines’ so that it can ‘appear natural’ when they talk to a woman. I mean, hell... most women’s fantasy is to meet a guy in a charming place and have this whole unplanned romantic thing happen right out of a movie (irony: unplanned and right out of a movie).

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I really think that instead of trying to mask a pick-up, just make it damn good. If you can just be in the ‘more interesting’ category, you’ll get her attention, which is a major step. Then you can lean into the cocky and funny routine and take it from there.

Don’t try to hide the fact that you’re picking a woman up — be great at it, then get into cocky and funny (and reframe as them picking you up! Ha).

Learn To Cook A Few Good Meals

2009-11-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

Cooking has all kinds of major advantages.

It costs less money, you get to eat something you like, it often takes less time, you don’t have to try to get a woman to come back to your house (she’s already there), it’s romantic, it shows that you have taste... and the list just goes on.

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Get yourself an unusual apron (I have a cow print one) and get yourself a cookbook or two (or find a few good recipes on the Internet).

Things like pasta are always easy, and they go well with wine and candles... just put her on the couch with a glass of wine and a funny ‘chick flick’... or have her keep you company on a stool in the kitchen.

Oh, and get a few chocolate covered strawberries for (Bonus if you make them dessert... perfect feed material.yourself... even if they don’t turn out perfect, you get MAJOR points.)

The rap goes like this: “Hey, I’ve got a great idea. I’ve been dying to cook this great pasta dish that I love. Why don’t you come over here, and I’ll make you

dinner...”

It’s a no-brainer, even for women who you’ve just met.

10 Steps To A Guaranteed Great Date

2009-11-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

Remember that YOU are qualifying HER to see if she is someone you want to spend more time with… and not the other way around. Too many dinners and gifts early on will lead you into ‘the friendship zone’. Impress her with YOURSELF instead. E-mail her first to build to build familiarity. Call her on the phone to set up the date after she e-mails you back. On the phone, joke that SHE might turn out to be weird. This subtlety lets her know that YOU are normal and fun. Have her meet you at your place so you don’t end up waiting around… and so she will be coming back to your place afterwards. Use ‘The Flake Test’ – Ask her what the chances are that she won’t show to set the tone up front. Be the first to say “friends” – let her know that you are looking forward to making a friend if nothing else… this lets her know you have no expectations and aren’t needy or desperate. Mention this during the date! Show her that you aren’t overly interested by heading to the coffee shop quickly instead of lingering around at your place. At the coffee shop, RELAX and treat her like your best friend. Lean back, talk about INTERESTING topics like drama, violence, scandal, or comedy, and make cocky/funny jokes. You can save the compliments for another time. If you want to spend more time with her, go someplace where the conversation is built-in, like a place with fun shops and things to do. Wander away from her a few times to communicate that you aren’t ‘needy’ or clingy.adult friend finder registration

Where To Meet Women

2009-11-23T16:51:00.000-08:00

Here’s the deal: If you want to meet more women, you have to go to the places where they go.

If you like athletic women, go to the gym or spend time at the coffee shop or juice bar next to a gym.

If you like spiritual women, take yoga or meditation classes.

If you like large women, hang out at Weight Watchers.

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Are you with me here?

The point is that you have to put yourself in a ‘high probability’ situation to meet women.

A sure place to find single women is bars and nightclubs. But this is also a sure place to find a lot of horny guys that are trying to pick up these women.

I’ll talk later about how to be successful in different situations, but for now I’d like you to think about where women that you’d like to meet hang out. And then start going there yourself.

A great place to meet women is ONLINE. If you need practice talking to women, invest in an AOL membership. For $23.90 a month, you can chat with women 24/7. I look at AOL as a ‘woman simulator’. You get on, start talking, and on the other end a woman simulator is there to respond to all of your conversation. It’s amazing. And the added bonus is that if a woman turns out to be interesting, you can actually meet her.

My point is simply to put on your thinking cap and ask yourself the question: “If I were the kind of woman who I’d like to meet, where would I hang out?”

Then start going to these places on different days and at different times to find when the best opportunities are.

I have a good friend that used to go to airports when flights were arriving from different places, because some of the flights were more likely to have attractive women on them.

I know one guy that loves to go to bookstores to meet women.

I know a guy that likes to go to ‘Asian Dances’ to meet women (and he’s not Asian).

Here are a few good general places: Dance lessons, gyms, bookstores, coffee shops, supermarkets, healthy food restaurants, yogurt shops, and anything near salons and beauty supply stores.

If you start paying attention, you’ll find places where women are more likely to be.

As a side note, if you live in an out-of-the-way place, and you’d like to start meeting a lot of fantastically beautiful women, you might consider a move to a big city. I’ve found the difference between big cities like New York, Chicago, L.A., etc., and small towns is dramatic. Attractive women flock to the large cities because this is where the opportunity is for them. This is also where they’re more likely to meet a rich, famous, or successful man.

I’ve been to places in big cities that had more beautiful women in one restaurant than a person living in a small town might see all year.

So think about where you live and how it relates to meeting the kind of woman or women that you’re interested in finding.

I’ve also found that many women love the fantasy of ‘accidentally’ meeting a man somewhere normal, but unexpected. This is a common female fantasy.

Women like the idea of accidental romance.

And the best part of meeting a woman in a ‘normal’ place is the fact that there are usually minimal distractions and no one else competing for her attention.

So keep this in mind when you’re out looking for potential mates.

Your Enemies Are Insecurity and Neediness

2009-11-22T19:55:00.000-08:00

Insecurity and neediness are two of the biggest obstacles to success with women. Insecurity and neediness are like hemlock and arsenic – either will kill your attractiveness when dealing with women.

A man is needy when he craves attention or recognition. He shows that he’s insecure when he ACTS on these needs.

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Insecurity shows up when a man does not feel comfortable with who he is or comfortable in a given situation. He acts tentative, weak, and unsure. He tries to put on a show of confidence which is obviously fake. He says things that are out of place in an attempt to get approval.

Women detect insecurity and neediness INSTANTLY.

Here are some examples of insecurity and neediness to avoid:

Hanging on a woman. Don’t touch a woman or crowd her too much in the beginning. Women take it as a sign of neediness and insecurity. Instead, lean back and let her become comfortable being around you. Talking or saying negative things about women or past girlfriends. If you talk too much about past girlfriends or other women, or say negative things about them, a woman will judge you to be insecure. Having emotional responses to things. If it’s obvious to a woman that you easily get upset about things, then she will judge you to be insecure. Looking to others to make decisions. Women like it when you decide what’s going to happen and then do it. If you are always asking, “Well, what do you think I should do?”, “Where do you want to go tonight?”, and “What do you want?”, you’ll come off as needy. Just make decisions and go with it. If she has a different idea, she’ll let you know. Saying or doing things just to be noticed or to get compliments. I’ve known a lot of men who try to act cool or show off to get attention. This approach telegraphs to a woman that you’re insecure and needy. Don’t do it. If you’re cool, she’ll figure it out without you telling her. Arguing. This is my favorite. Some people feel like they need to argue with EVERYTHING. If you’re one of these people, just realize that this is a clear demonstration that you’re insecure and needy. You may always be right, but being overly argumentative is bad for your sex life. Deal with it. If you really want to argue with something, do it in a funny way and not in a serious way.

How To Answer Any Question That You Don’t Want To Answer

2009-11-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

Women have a way with questions.

They seem to always ask questions that men don’t want to answer.

Questions like:

“Are you seeing anyone else right now?”

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“How do you feel about marriage?”

“Do you want kids?”

“How do you feel about me?”

“Do I look fat in these pants?”

Know what I’m talking about?

Well, it took me awhile, but I finally figured out how to deal with tough questions: Evasive Action.

Here’s how it works. If she asks you a tough question, don’t miss a beat – respond with the answer she wants to hear. Then throw in a slapstick comedy line.

For instance:

Say she asks: “Are you seeing other women?”

You answer: “No... other men.”

Get it?

Here’s another one:

She asks: “Do you love me?”

You answer: “Of course... as a friend.”

And another:

She asks: “Where were you last night? I called.”

You answer: “I was home thinking about you... but since you didn’t call early enough, I went out and hired ten strippers.”

At first, I figured that this tactic wouldn’t work. But then I tried using it a few times, and behold, it worked in almost every situation.

And if she pushes and asks again: “Cummon, seriously...”

You say: “No, seriously. I was home thinking about you... OK, OK, you got me. I really went out with ten other women. Are you happy? What, are you feeling insecure?”

If you keep it up, they’ll give up.

Make sure you don’t act busted or nervous and it will work for you, too. Remember, women can take hints very well, and if they think that there’s an answer that they don’t want to hear, they’ll give up and stop asking.

Where Our Desires Come From

2009-11-22T07:22:00.000-08:00

After spending the last ten years or so studying psychology and behaviour, I’ve come to the opinion that MOST of our desires, drives, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, behaviours, and personality traits are determined by our DNA and some by our social

conditioning. I’m talking about both men and women here.

Even differences like whether a person prefers adventure or couch riding are largely a matter of programming from birth (If you really disagree with me on this one, read some books on the Myers-Briggs or try the book “Type Who Am I?” by Steven Reiss.)

In any event, HOWEVER they got to be interested in these common things, most women have a few main interests, needs, desires, or whatever you want to call them when it comes to men, relationships, and romance.

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Have you ever read the personals? Have you ever noticed how many women say things like “princess looking for prince”, “friends first”, and “looking for my soul mate”?

Have you ever noticed how almost NO men ever say these things?

What’s going on?

Have you ever listened to a group of women talking about men?

Ever notice how they speak largely in some kind of code language and constantly make a big deal out of tiny details that seem totally irrelevant?

Have you ever noticed, on the other hand, how men are direct with each other and have no interest in bickering over small things?

What’s going on?

Have you ever noticed how many women are attracted to drama?

Here’s my take on this whole subject: Women are playing out a role that hasn’t changed for thousands (or millions?) of years. These days the language and clothing are different. But it’s the same that it’s always been.

There are many parts of human brains that create drives and desires for different things. Often, these drives conflict with each other.

For instance, a woman might want a strong man in her life, but she might also want a feeling of independence. She might want to have attention, but she might also want to be seen as above needing it. (Men have these types of conflicts as well, but in different areas.)

So, for example, I hear a lot of men saying things like, “I hate all the drama that women create. Why do they create this stuff?”

My answer: Drama accomplishes a lot of things at once. It gets attention, it sends emotions through the body (emotions are highly addictive chemicals), it’s a way

to be self-righteous, it’s often fun, it’s interesting and prevents boredom, it gives things meaning... and on and on. There are a lot of good reasons for drama. But most men can’t understand because drama fulfils needs that MOST MEN DON’T HAVE.

It’s like women saying, “I hate it when all a guy can talk about is sports.” What needs to sports fulfil for men? Competition, adrenaline, power, domination... all the typical guy stuff. Incidentally, stuff that fulfils needs that most women just plain don’t have.

Meeting Women At Dance Lessons

2009-11-20T11:59:00.000-08:00

Another good place to meet tons of single women is at dance lessons. I know, I know…sounds kind of fruity. But dance classes are LOADED with single women who LOVE GUYS WHO CAN DANCE. Heck, they even love guys who want to LEARN to dance.

Here’s the breakdown:

Most rudimentary dance lessons are set up in the same format. You have limited dance time with numerous partners. This is perfect.

Here are a few ideas for being cocky/funny on the ballroom dance floor...

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“Hi, I’ll be your host for the next three minutes. If you can dance well, have a nice personality, and don’t step on my feet more than forty-seven times, I’ll let you be my

friend.”

“OK, impress me.”

“I just want you to know, I don’t think any less of you just because you’re so bad at ballroom dancing that you need lessons.”...

just take out a piece of paper and spend 5 minutes on this one. You’ll be set for life.

On Being A Man

2009-11-20T01:29:00.000-08:00

There is a lot controversy around the differences between men and women. My perspective is that men and women are different in many ways and that they usually respond differently to various types of communication.

And as politically incorrect as this might sound, I believe that most women respond very strongly to ‘masculine’ men. The more confident, arrogant, and dominant I’ve acted, the more women have responded to me emotionally and sexually. (I’m not talking about hitting a woman over the head and dragging her to your cave, Bubba.)

And now that I’ve thought about it a lot and interviewed dozens of women about this topic, I’ve realized that weak men are generally not attractive to women. Women may demand things, whine, and act like a pain, but it’s usually all a test of one sort or another.

If you’re weak, shy, or submissive, get over it. Start walking a little taller, acting a little more self-centered, and taking what you want.

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Now, I have to be careful here. I want to make sure you don’t start acting like an ‘asshole’ to women. The masculine man says, “No” to a woman calmly. The Asshole says, “No” to a woman in an angry tone. Get it?

Be Prepared! Expect

2009-11-19T14:01:00.000-08:00

It’s funny to me that so many people expect to fail. For instance, I once heard someone say, “A woman won’t get into an unmade bed.” This is actually pretty interesting if you think about it. My point here is to encourage you to not only expect success in your mind, but also expect success in the real world.

Here are a couple of ways to expect and plan for success:

See where I’m going with this?

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If you’re not prepared to have a guest, then you’re going to do all kinds of things to screw up your chances of success with women.

Right now, think of all the things you need to do so that there are NO obstacles preventing you from success in your car, house, etc.

Now let’s talk about a few ways to REALLY separate yourself from most other men.

Voice Tone

2009-11-18T18:56:00.000-08:00

Voice tone is VERY important.

If you want to be more successful with women, work on developing a deep, resonant, musical, articulate voice tone.

And I don’t care if you have the whiniest, highest pitched voice anyone’s ever heard.

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You can improve it if you try.

First of all, practice talking slower and deeper.

You should be able to feel your voice resonating in your chest when you talk.

Keep practicing until you can.

I highly recommend that you go out and buy the audio series “The Sound Of Your Voice” by Carol Flemming.

Also, get on eBay or Amazon.com and look for some voice training tapes.

They’re well worth the investment and practice. Women find a sexy voice irresistible. This is a big one, so get to work on it.

Fear

If you need to get ‘fear’ handled, read the book, “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. This is an AWESOME book on getting fear handled.

On Persistence:

A common theme I hear:

“NO

NOOO

Noooo

Make love to me right now!”

Persistence is key. Never give up… if a woman says, “We’re not going to have sex tonight”, I immediately think to myself, “Ohhh, she just let me know that she’s feeling some temptation and wants to get the responsibility off herself… this is going to be fun and easy.”

Trust me on this one.

Their words are usually hollow and meaningless… watch their BEHAVIOUR…

***Now, DON’T take this to mean that if a woman says, “STOP” when you’re touching her that she wants you to rape her… this kind of dumb-ass thinking will result in jail time and your getting a large new boyfriend named Otis.***

Just realize that a “No” said with longing in her eyes or passion in her kiss usually means, “Get me more turned on by kissing my neck, caressing me, smelling me, and saying romantic and sexy things.”

I’ve realized that women shift gears all the time and next time you talk to her she might be in a completely different mood, etc. so if you really want her, don’t give up the first time something weird happens.

When You Meet

2009-11-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

When they arrive at your place, say ‘hi’ and invite them in for a minute while you get your coat or shoes. Then walk out and seem like YOU’RE IN A HURRY TO

LEAVE. Most guys would try to get them to stay and get

cozy with them. You want them to think that you’re not

overly interested and that you want some coffee.

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Total indifference.

At coffee, just sit and be the funny and cocky self, make jokes, and in general lean back and make ‘friends’.

I used to analyze handwriting, do palmistry, do hand massages, and touch women when I first meet them. Not anymore (I save these things for later).

Also, I used to be more ‘touchy feely’ with women at the very beginning. As I mentioned, I’d massage their hands and touch them a lot, etc. leading to kissing, etc.

early on.

I’ve now learned that if I lean back and almost don’t touch them at all on purpose, it creates this tension so that when I do actually touch them, they respond powerfully. In communication they call this ‘Building Response Potential’.

Sometimes I’ll massage hands or touch, but I don’t overdo it.

I’m just sitting there ACTING LIKE WE’RE BEST FRIENDS. When you act like they’re a best friend, they will rapidly get comfortable with you. I make fun of people, whatever. I just totally lean back and relax. I’m cool, relaxed, and constantly making comments about how we’re going to be friends, etc.

I’ve learned never to compliment a hot woman on her looks, period. I still mess up and forget, and I’m always reminded why I don’t do it. I try to find one thing that she’s insecure about and talk to her about it like ‘a friend’… not overly critical, but not saying, ‘No, you shouldn’t be insecure’… I just keep bringing it up and even make jokes about it.

Women Don’t Make Sense

2009-11-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

I’m going to start off this whole shebang by giving you my take on women in general.

I know, I know. Every woman is a unique creature. But women have more commonalties than they have differences. So let’s start with what I think they have in

common and then we’ll move on to how they differ. (The ideas that I’m about to share with you here are from my own research, testing in the real world, and personal analysis).

For most men, a woman is like a Chinese puzzle inside of a brain twister.

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Much of their behaviour makes no sense at all (to men).

If there’s one thing that I’m clear about, it’s that most women THINK differently than most men, and most women want different things than most men.

This is hard for many men to grasp or understand, but it’s true. And the sooner you get a handle on what’s going on here, the sooner you’ll become more successful with women.

Let’s start by comparing what men and women are interested in. Have you ever stopped to think about what entertains women as a group compared to what entertains men as a group? Women buy Cosmopolitan magazines, watch soap operas, and read romance novels. Men buy Playboy, watch sports, and read the paper.

Hey, wait a minute here! What’s in those Cosmos, soaps, and romance novels? And why are women so attracted to them? And why is it that when men try to watch a soap

opera or read a romance novel all they can say is, “I don’t get it...”?

I’ll tell you why. It’s because women’s brains are wired differently from men’s brains. That’s why. And by telling you about what attracts women’s attention, I’ve also given you a clue about how to attract them to YOU.

8 Quick Ways to Relax Before a Big Date

2009-04-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

So you haven't been out on a date in awhile and you're nervous that you'll do or say the wrong thing. Or perhaps your last date was such a disaster that it should have had a rating 5 on the weather channel. Getting nervous before a date is understandable...

Will they be attracted to you? Are you both on the same wavelength? Will you be able to control your mouth from saying something your brain knows is stupid?

Mistakes usually occur when stress levels are high. And lets face it dating is a stressful endeavor. The best thing you can do before a date is 'relax'. I know that is easier said than done but here are 8 easy ways to chill out before your dates arrives so that you actually have a good time on your date without any jittery mis-steps.

1. Meditate or if that sounds too mystical just close your eyes and focus on your breathing, feel it as it goes in and feel it go out. Can you feel it flow through your nostrils into your lungs? Does your stomach expand too? If it does then you know your breathing deeply and you'll get the most benefit from the activity. See if you can focus on the pause between breaths and that between an inhale and an exhale. Do it for 5 minutes or do it for 20 - the length is not as important as your focus during this time.

2. Sing. Really loudly. Obviously this isn't going to work in an office but it's great in the car, especially at night if you're worried about other people looking at you oddly.

3. Stretch. Try standing with your feet hip width apart and then take a deep breath, rise up onto your toes and reach up to the ceiling with your fingertips. Hold for as long as you can. And then slowly release your breath, your arms and finally put your heels back on the ground.

4. Go for a walk even if it's just around the office or your living room. Or you could walk to the mailbox or do 6 star jumps or put on some dancing music. Anything to get your body moving and those endorphins flowing.

5. Give yourself a quick massage - your feet or hands are good places to start for a quick treat. Keep some hand cream or body lotion at your desk or in your bedside table and you'll always be ready to treat yourself. And take your time - after all YOU know the bits you like.

6. Connect with your inner child - Do a handstand or a cartwheel - this isn't going to work indoors but if you're wearing trousers there's no reason why you can't do it in the park on your way to meet your date. And while you're there have a go on the slide too (not a good option if you're wearing white and its probably a good idea to make sure the ramp is clean before you slide).

7. Go somewhere private and be as unbelievably angry as you possibly can and try to stay angry - you'll find that 9 times out of 10 you won't be able to sustain it. The idea is not to get all worked up and then go and spray your anger at your date. It's about getting it all out and then dealing with whatever situation needs addressing. In order to do this you need to make sure that you don't leave your private space until you feel like your anger has all gone. We hear so much about anger management when it's not really about managing it, but rather letting it out. Just remember the golden rule: it’s OK to get angry but it’s not OK to take it out on someone or something else.

8. Read fiction - almost everyone agrees that fiction is a wonderful escape from the day to day. There's nothing quite like stepping out of your own life and into the lives of the characters in a good story. And a good short story is just the thing for a 15 minute chill out session.

Hope these tips work for you on your next date. You might even find you enjoy it!

Online Dating Lessons

2009-04-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

As adults, the dating world can be such a challenge. This is especially true if you have come out of a long-term relationship and have not been in "the game" for quite a while.

There are many traps out there that you need to avoid. Avoiding the traps is an "inner game." This is done by paying attention to your own thinking and emotions and being honest with your self about what you are thinking and feeling.

Here are three of the most common traps, the signs and symptoms, and most importantly, what to do instead.

The Fairy Tale Trap

Remember all the fairy tales we heard and read as children? While most of them had good moral lessons to teach, they were still fairy tales.

Yet we handle so many of our relationships, especially love relationships, as if we believe the fairy tales are real.

We expect our perfect ideal partner to just magically show up someday, without any effort on our part.

Here is how I hear it expressed by many of the singles whom I coach:

"One day I just looked across the room, our eyes met, and I just knew he/she was the one!"

Well, maybe yes and maybe no.

Either way, after the glow of the "newness" of the relationship wears off, you still have to learn to live with another person - messy at it's best.

I see so many people get hurt this way.

Solution: You just have to take responsibility for your own relationship choice and take an active role in finding a good match for your self.

Don't just react to the people that choose you, as in "I'll like this person because they like me." Interview a lot of people for the position of your partner.

The Rescue Trap

So may singles get caught in this one. They believe that if they can just meet the right person, then all of their emotional, financial, and other problems with living will be solved right away. It's a trap, for one reason, because that is way too much pressure to put on anyone. In addition, this convinces you that you have very little power to affect your own life. This one leaves you feeling desperate and needy. When problems multiply instead of disappear, the relationship is likely to fail.

Solution: First of all, there is a proverb that says, "Without a vision, the people perish." I believe this is true for relationships as well.

What is your vision for your relationship? One way to get started on your vision is to ask the question: "If I could write the screenplay, what would it look like?" Know that your relationship will not exactly match the screenplay. Too may times we look for a custom tailored perfect fit in an off-the-rack world. This is just a question to get you started on creating your relationship vision.

The second thing you need to do is resolve your personal, emotional, financial and other life problems before you commit to a long-term relationship. You then stand a much great chance of relationship success.

Date-To-Mate Trap

Ever try to put a round peg in a square hole? This is one of the dangers of the date-to-mate trap. If you go out into the dating world with the goal that you must find a long-term relationship or even marriage, you set yourself up for trying to make something fit that does not, cannot, and will not fit.

I had a coaching client once who entered into a marriage relationship knowing he wanted children and knowing that she was ambivalent at best about having children. The outcome is predictable, is it not? The couple eventually divorced over this issue.

Having children was a requirement for this person. A requirement is something you must have, and is non-negotiable. In this example, you cannot have half a child.

Solution: Be very careful of becoming an instant couple, especially just to be with someone. Know what your requirements are in a long-term relationship, and settle for nothing less. Taking this position scares many of the singles I coach because they believe it greatly reduces the number of available partners. While this is true, remember, it only takes one.

Date a bunch of different people without the pressure of the date-to-mate trap. This solution greatly increases your chances of finding the one.

What's the Difference between Free and Paid Dating

2009-04-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

These days almost all online dating sites work on a pay to use basis, usually with an option to 'Sign Up Free' and test out the service before buying time. On this page we attempt to explain the different types of memberships offered by subscription based dating sites and what you can expect to get out of them.

Free Memberships

Almost all online dating sites offer free memberships so you can try before you buy time, with absolutely no obligation to ever become a paid subscriber. This gives you a chance to check out the service, see what it offers and can help you decide whether or not it suits you. Most free memberships are limited. Lets you create a profile, browse and view ads posted by other members, but rarely lets you initiate mail contact, respond to mail messages or use the instant messaging system. Free memberships rarely expire.

Trial Memberships

Trial membership works a bit different. They're still free, but instead of limiting your access to the tools and features, you get to use the service for a limited amount of time, anywhere from 6 to 10 days. Often you'll be allowed to initiate mail contact and respond to any mail messages you may receive, and some will even let you use the instant message system, but once your trial time is up you'll need to subscribe if you want to continue using the service.

Paid Subscription

People that are seriously seeking a partner will benefit more if they purchase a subscription. The tools and features offered at dating sites are specially designed to save you time and help you meet highly compatible people. Once you pay the required fee you'll be able to do more detailed searches, make use of the matchmaking tools and you'll have unlimited mail and instant message privileges, which is very important if you really want to get to know someone better. Some dating sites will even alert you by mail if anyone new signs up matching your criteria. This feature alone can save you a lot of time in your search for that perfect partner.

Top 10 Online Dating Mistakes

2009-04-14T04:44:00.000-07:00

Mistake #1: Sending her 'just' a wink

Most Internet dating sites let you send "winks" or "show interest" for free, but what does this say to her about you? When that really hot girl gets your wink, she sees a guy that's not serious about wanting to contact her and too cheap to fork over the $20 membership fee. What a wonderful way to start off a relationship. Not!

She also knows that a wink is an easy "cop-out." Anyone can scroll through hundreds of online profiles and wink at everything that moves. From her perspective, why should she spend time on you when there are dozens of guys taking the time to send her real messages every day?

Mistake #2: Not having a recent quality photo in your profile

This one should be easy, but the fact is, most men do not upload their photo. The statistics on this one are very clear. Profiles with photos get 10 times more looks than those without; and profiles with quality photos get four times more than profiles with poor photos.

Let me ask you: When you log on to a dating site and search, don't you search for women with photos in their profile first? Why would she be any different? Many women will assume you have something to hide if you won't post your photo – like maybe your wife.

If you don't like your photo, have one made professionally. There are many professional photo services that do nothing but create great photos for your online dating profile. If you want to stand a chance against the other guys out there, upload a good quality photo.

Make sure you upload a recent photo. Nothing is more disappointing than to meet someone and realize the picture they sent you was 20 years and 40 pounds ago!

Mistake #3: Sending a message with a boring subject

Fact #1: Guys outnumber girls by at least two to one on most online dating sites, and that's a conservative number.

Fact #2: Good looking girls get dozens of winks and messages in any given day. You can have the most awesome profile and you can send her the most intriguing message, but she may never see it. How come? Simple; once again, women with good online profiles get lots of winks and messages every day. Give her a reason to open your message first! It has to stand out among all the others or it has a high chance of getting deleted and never read.

Spend just as much time crafting an intriguing subject line as you do in writing the rest of your message. Ask her a question or specifically reference some detail in her profile so that she will know you actually read it and are truly interested in more than just her looks.

Mistake #4: Sending her a vague, generic or otherwise lame message

You made the effort to become a paying member of a dating site and want to make the most of your membership, but then you came up with a standard boilerplate message and you quickly copied and pasted it to dozens of girls.

Go you! At least that's what you think. Okay, reality check.

Women like to feel special and important. They can smell a lame form message a mile away, and the delete button is always close at hand. Why not take a different approach? Actually read her entire profile (we know it's painful, but do it anyway), learn everything you can about her, and then send her an insightful, personal message.

Remember, you're messaging her and she needs to feel she is the only girl in the entire world that you are interested in. Keep your messages fairly short and concise. Compliment or make reference to some thing or things you found interesting in her profile. Conclude each message with a "clear call to action". Always be friendly and polite, but tell her what you would like her to do next.

Don't leave her wondering. An example is "talk to you soon" or "drop me a line."

Mistake #5: Taking too long to respond to her message

With all the buzz around the seduction and "pick up artist" community these days, many guys are afraid of scaring women away by appearing too eager or desperate. They get her message and then wait, and wait, and wonder when it's okay to answer her.

Let's clear this up. Responding promptly is not a bad thing. It will likely help you stand out from the other dozen guys that messaged her today. Like most opportunities in life, you're far better off striking while the iron's hot. Get over it and message her back. In fact, do it while she's still logged on. Forget the head games and be yourself. Women are attracted to confident men who are comfortable in their own skin. Be yourself and you'll be fine!

Mistake #6: Asking for her personal information too soon

You messaged this really great looking girl and she responded with a basic "Hi" message. Now what? You want her real email address, her phone number, her work number, or better yet her address so you can go there now, right? Stop!

Asking her for any personal information in your first messages is a quick way to kill the relationship before it starts. Think of two dogs approaching each other - what do they do? They approach slowly and cautiously, and proceed to sniff each other. Why do they do this? They're getting to know each other. People are the same in many respects. Don't scare her off. Take it slow and let her get to know you before requesting personal information.

Mistake #7: Making sexual innuendos in your first message

Yes, she's really hot. Yes, her profile seems flirty and sexual. You think it's okay to be overtly sexual when you try to contact her. Wrong! Unless you're on AdultFriendFinder.com or other adult site, sexual innuendos are unlikely to help you. They'll most likely torpedo any chances you might have had with her, so don't do it.

Mistake #8: Sending her money or a credit card number

Yes, the ever-popular Nigerian (or whatever country is in on it this month) money scam. Social networking sites, including online dating sites, are plagued by scammers. Guys you know are falling for it every day. Remember, the whole "if it sounds too good to be true" idea still stands!

If your online profile is really bad and all of a sudden a girl strangely resembling a supermodel emails you and promises to make all your dreams come true, take it slow. Do not send money or other financial information to make her come to you.

Mistake #9: Checking out her "really hot" nude photos on her personal website

The ever popular "cam girl" phenomenon is surprising scores of new men on a daily basis.

So, what's a "cam girl?" Well, let's say you're searching profiles and run across this great looking girl. She looks friendly, approachable, and is wearing a highly suggestive outfit. To make it better, her profile has a link to her "private website" where you can "see more of her." What luck!

You click on that link and to your surprise you have to "verify your age by providing a credit card number". Hmmm. If you want to browse an adult site, then proceed and enjoy, but recognize this for what it is – often a teenage high school male pretending to be a really hot girl in order to make money by sending happy surfers (read: you) to a pay-per-view adult site.

Mistake #10: Not knowing what you really want

The last blunder is actually by far the most important one. Put simply, most guys use the shotgun approach to dating and hope to hit something, anything. Then they wonder why they're not happy with the women they meet. Not exactly the best approach for the most important aspect of your life, is it?

Before you join any online dating site, take a step back and figure out exactly what you're looking for. What type of woman do you really want to meet today? That way you don't waste time messaging a really great looking 'single mom' when you know full well that you don't want children.

If you are an outdoorsman, you probably don't want to spend time messaging a woman that tells you in her profile that she is allergic to the sun. (Yet another reason to actually read her profile.)

How to be Even More Popular with Men

2009-04-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

Being popular with men is a fine balancing act. On one hand you want to appear open enough for men to feel you’re approachable, but on the other hand you don’t want to appear desperate or needy which acts as a fantastic guy repellent (except for those types of men who want to save us, which I recommend you avoid).

Radiate Confident Happiness

To men, a smiling woman is a happy woman, and a happy woman is far more likely to give them the time of day, or the chance to get to know her, than the women who’s lost in her own worries and concerns. Yes, we all have bills we’re not sure how to pay, and cars that break down without notice, and family members who get sick. Life is never ever going to go exactly how we want. But you can be happy anyway, or you can at least do your best to put a happy face on when you’re out and about in places where you meet men – and that means just about everywhere.

But what if you’re use to being “off in a cloud” or worry constantly? Remind yourself to stop. Leave yourself a little note in your wallet and in your car reminding you to lighten up and get happy. Try it for two solid weeks and I’m sure that you’ll see a difference.

Be a Master Flirt

Okay, obviously radiating confident happiness and flirting means that you need not only to be smiling but saying a cheerful hello to men that catch your eye. But do you know the international signs of flirting females all over the world have sent to men for all the ages? Not sure? Let’s revue – you catch the eye of a good looking guy across a crowded room, you hold strong eye contact for a moment, look away and look back again. It’s that easy! Do this a few times, and if the man is interested (and clued in), he’ll make the move to come and get to know you. When talking to a man you’re interested in women tend to tilt their head to one side or the other, and keep their eyes on his face. To turn up the heat a notch touch his arm or shoulder to emphasize a point. This will give him the signal that you’re comfortable with him being in your personal space. And to turn the heat up a few notches even higher “triangle” him – that is – rather than just watching his eyes move your focus from his eyes to his mouth and back. You’ll be sending him the subconscious signal that you’re wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

But what about the signals men send to letting you know he wants to know you better? Here are two great clues from Susan Rabin’s 101 Ways to Flirt:

The Tie Stroke

Just as women lick their lips when flirting (and toss their hair) men also “preen” by stroking their tie or the lapel of their suit.

The Eyebrow Flas

Apparently not only the eyes are the windows to the soul, but so are the eyebrows. Susan notes of a man’s eyebrows when talking to you, “If they’re relaxed, even limp, you’re not his cup of tea. But if he is wide-eyed with brows flashing upward, it’s a sure sign that you’ve taken him by surprise – and he couldn’t be more delighted!”

Okay, so you’ve seen a guy you really want to talk to but there’s just been no way to catch his eye and let him know you’re interested? Susan has a great idea for that as well. A good friend of Susan’s overheard a woman during an intermission at the theater walk up to a man she’d been studying for some time and say, “I’ll bet there’s a story behind the ring you’re wearing.”

Now who doesn’t want to tell you the story behind a funky tie, a ring, an interesting hat, the book you’re reading – certainly not most men! They’ll be thrilled to fill you in on the item’s personal history.

Dress in Ways that Make You Happy

Unfortunately once many women start a serious career we spend the majority of our wardrobe money on career clothes and not on those for our free time. Don’t make this mistake. Make sure your weekend and dress up clothes are those you look and feel great in. Nothing sends a message of being a woman comfortable and happy in her own skin than a woman in an outfit she loves – and nothing attracts men more than a woman happy and comfortable in her own skin. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a favorite pair of jeans or a sexy cocktail dress that shows off your figure, if you feel good in what you’re wearing men are going to stand up and take notice.

Another good idea is to remember to ad a feminine touch to both your work and leisure apparel. Yes, I’m asking you to remember you’re a girl. That doesn’t mean you have to wear heavy make-up, fake nails, and dresses and skirts if they’re not your thing, but it does mean it might be time to take another look at how you’re stepping out of the house and making sure you’re putting your best feet forward.

Men do notice nicely pedicured hands and feet (and some men have serious foot fetishes). A few summers ago I bought a pair of very inexpensive bright pink thong sandals with a big flower on them – I’ve never ever received so many compliments on a pair of shoes from men in my life! This summer the styles are full of pretty flirty things that are sure to catch a man’s eye – make sure to add a few to your wardrobe. Even something as simple as a little silk flower pinned to your lapel, or a pretty hair clip added to your hairstyle can be enough encouragement for a man to come over and talk to you.

I've tried dating. Now what?

2009-04-08T00:41:00.000-07:00

With nice tunes playing on a portable radio in the background, the revolt began.

Good Connections, a three-year-old dating and friendship service for people with social disabilities, was holding its first holiday party. Some 15 members dined on pizza in the fluorescent-lit basement of the Framingham Civic League, their eyes fastened on Good Connection founders Steve and Marcia Rothenberg.

One man slowly raised his hand. "How come nothing's happening?" he asked. "It's been a year ... How come we're not at that dating point yet?"

Several others at the table nodded in agreement. They had paid their $360 membership fee. Why hadn't they found romance?

Two women talked about their frustration with other dating services. One had posted on a Jewish website, but no one responded. The other had tried speed dating on several occasions, but to no avail. And now Good Connections wasn't working, either.

Marcia Rothenberg calmly explained that Good Connections did not guarantee anything. She said she and her husband were there to foster relationships and coach members in their social lives.

But although the Rothenbergs didn't show it, their clients' comments had hit a nerve.

The Framingham couple, both full-time professionals in the field of social relationships, already had been questioning the mission of their nonprofit organization. Can a dating service work if its members lack the fundamental social skills needed to maintain a relationship?

"What I got out of that party was that they needed more than just linking up with each other," said Marcia, a 52-year-old social worker who previously did art therapy through the Holliston public schools. "They would go out on dates and not know what to do."

So the two have decided to disband Good Connections and instead create a support group for those who have trouble forming friendships.

They plan to serve the same clientele, people facing challenges from social anxiety to Asperger syndrome, a form of autism.

When they founded Good Connections, their colleagues in the social services and support field had warned them it wouldn't work. Some of them had tried to launch similar endeavors, though not on as ambitious a scale as Good Connections. The Rothenbergs were pioneers; they knew of no successful model to follow.

"We reached out to people who had nothing in their lives," said Marcia, "people you pass in a coffee shop and they're sitting alone."

"We thought that because of our passion for helping people develop relationship skills, we were in a unique position to offer help," said Steve, a 54-year-old psychologist who has conducted therapy groups for people with social challenges for 15 years. "We wanted to level the playing field."

They did so by playing matchmaker. They made DVD recordings of interviews with new clients, encouraging them to open up about their interests. Members could browse through the DVDs and select people they wanted to meet. The Rothenbergs would provide the introduction, but only if they felt the couple had enough in common.

At its peak, Good Connections had 30 members. The majority were male, and the average age was in the mid-30s. Most had part-time jobs, with their parents paying their membership fee.

They joined thinking Good Connections would be a "magic cure" for their relationship woes, Marcia said.

"The wish to have a relationship is so strong, and the fantasy was that we would provide the relationships without the work," Steve said.

As it turned out, the work was too much for Marcia. "She was spending 30 hours a week on the phone" counseling and reassuring the clients, her husband said. This on top of her regular job.

The Rothenbergs had hoped that the holiday party would serve as a get-acquainted session. They conducted a round-robin exercise with the members, having them spend 30 seconds asking the person next to them to reveal something about themselves. Afterward they were encouraged to mingle, but instead, most darted to the dessert table in the back.

Steve said many clients had neurological disorders that kept them from picking up on social cues, such as facial expressions and body language. They had trouble reading others' feelings.

"Say a guy and a girl meet for dinner, and the woman keeps looking around the restaurant, looking at her watch," Steve explained. "You or I might think, 'She's not interested in me.' Most people without a social disability would pick up on that. Someone with a social disability would not pick up on the subtleties."

He cited an example of a client whose date arrived late for dinner. By the time she arrived, he had ordered and eaten his meal and was on his way out. "No one had told him otherwise," Steve said.

The Rothenbergs say their new support group will include lessons on picking up nonverbal signals and role-playing sessions.

"It's based on our belief that the more you help people to learn different ways of interacting that wouldn't necessarily come naturally to them, that it helps to actually facilitate new pathways and connections in the brain related to social functioning," said Steve.

So far, few Good Connection members have signed on for the support group.

"We're providing a service to a population with social challenges," said Steve. "We're not expecting the same response you would expect if you were offering a service to a different population."

Marcia said one of their goals is to help lay the groundwork for the future. They believe a group similar to Good Connections could be successful given the proper resources.

How to Use Online Personals to Get Women Into Bed

2009-04-05T02:50:00.000-07:00

Online sex has taken on a new meaning...

The internet has enabled tens of millions of people from all parts of the world who would have never met otherwise to now meet specifically for sex and/or romance. This is biggest felt in North America.

Online personals work. This is probably the most widely kept *secret* today. Not many people will admit meeting online, and yet so many people nowadays meet online again and again.

This writer has a close friend who boasts to having steamy love affairs with over 140 women in the last two years, whom he met through online personals - on occassion having sex with two women in the SAME day. And one day, he had it with three women. Not at the same time, mind you. Rather spaced out. Morning. Afternoon. Night.

I can imagine the *stress* he was under that day. Yeah, right. I'm new to online personals myself in the last few weeks, but I now have goals to shoot for. Before hand, I was the one successful with women. It seems technology has turned the tables on me, and my friend - who'd only been with maybe 4 women his whole 32 years of life - has quickly and suprisingly outpaced me.

If you're cruising online personals for any kind of action, the most important thing to remember is to cater to your audience.

If you're going to portray yourself as a stud in an ad or a steamy singles chat room, don't be too surprised if you get jumped online by women who don't want anything more than a chance to experience what you say you can give them (yes, in this day and age of online anonymity, they will find you - trust us); and don't be surprised if they immediately ask for a pic. After all, Mr. Bigshot, you're the stud - prove yourself. If you want something more, say so in a consistent tone that tells women who it is you're after.

After all, what can any woman hope to give you other than what you ask for? Your tone, and where you are on the Net, determines your audience and your potential dates. If you're hard into classical music, go hang out in those chat rooms and make *friends* there.

Use your most passionate hobbies and preferences to find people that are deeper than the usual chat areas or singles web pages. Try checking out those hobbies online and feel free to join message boards. Just keep in mind that what you write (and where you write it) will determine who you catch.

Can I lie in my ad?

Hey, we all pad that resume when we're just starting out; but there's a difference between making things sound as well as they possibly can and outright lying. While it's certainly fun to pretend that you're actually slim with an athletic build while you're really not (or if you used to be slim and athletic like the man talked about above), the truth will eventually come back to haunt you. Horrible, horrible truth; there's no way to get around it. The point is to be reasonably honest at the beginning of any relationship - at least enough so that you don't have to explain how you put on 70 pounds and gave up deep sea diving in the two hours you spent traveling to get to her. Use your head. She's expecting to see and spend time with the man she's been writing emails to; make sure the emails reasonably fit who she meets.

If you're still thinking of pushing that 'truth' envelope, just remember that this thing can flap two ways; she can be lying to you. That little girl barely out of her teens can be a man just out of prison, and very lonely. So being honest with her allows you to insist on the same honesty. Again, we understand the desire to 'pad the resume' a bit. Women do it, too; everyone does. Just make sure your 'padding' doesn't create a myth you can't possibly hope to live up to in real life - unless, of course, neither of you were planning to meet in the first place. But since you're a man, I doubt that 'wishful thinking' will be enough. Keep it in the realm of truth.

Another thing to keep in mind: Don't rush into things, unless that's exactly what the two of you are looking for. Hey, we're adults here; some people, male and female, or just looking to get together for a bit of fun now and again. If both of you are fine with that, no problem there. One thing we deeply recommend you remember though is that you don't really know if you want this person until you meet them.

This writer once began writing emails to a woman who, in all honesty, seemed to be just what he had always been looking for: very intelligent, funny, sexually adventurous, with a pretty face, flowing dark hair, and a frankly killer body. She was even bisexual it turned out - and willing to eventually bring a friend into the bedroom for some very hot times. In other words, it seemed a virtual hit of the jackpot.

And, as those amazing emails turned into equally amazing (and steamy) two-hour daily phone calls, it seemed more and more certain that this was the most amazing thing to happen to either of us by simple emails. The calls correctly gave each person a great deal of confidence that this was bound to be the start of something beyond anything we'd thought we'd find . . .

But after a few hours of spending time with this woman on a planned weekend-long vacation and sexual romp (which was also our very first face-to-face meeting), all this writer could think of was how he could get out of the arrangement and away from this woman. Why? Because he'd found that this seemingly fascinating creature on the phone and in emails was the most pretentious windbag he'd ever met in the flesh, without a single real thought of her own. She was as physically attractive as her pics made her out to be, but that's about the only thing that didn't seem totally different about her in an actual meeting. To be fair though, the writer disappointed her in much the same way.

She didn't really lie about herself; neither did the writer lie to her. It merely seemed that aspects of our personalities that had frankly been impossible to discern by emails and a few phone calls made themselves apparent in prolonged face-to-face contact. Our 'incredible romance' never really lasted the weekend.

Therefore the only way to truly get to know someone is still the old-fashioned 'face-to-face' meeting, there's no getting around it. Had this writer's failed romance proceeded slower, to where each person could have gotten use to the unfamiliar 'body language' of the other, and began understanding the other more as a complete person, it probably would have ended quite differently. This writer has never made that same mistake again.

So even if you're looking for a simple 'hook-up', make sure you go through a ritual of writing a few emails, then making a few calls to get to know the person a bit better, then having a meeting without the unnecessary pressure that anything must happen that evening. It's always understood that the first meeting is a means to get acquainted, that's all it must necessarily mean. If something does happens later on that night . . . that's something else, and a very pleasant surprise to boot. But real compatibility - sexual or otherwise - is a stubborn thing; it only really shows itself completely in face-to-face meetings.

Once women are emailing you back, make it a point to go at least 7 email exchanges before suggesting a meeting. If she suggests a meeting sooner, go for it. At all times with your emails, remember to joke around, flirt, and most importantly TEASE!

Our Suggestion

So which sites do we recommend to use to meet women online? Adult Friend Finder, with over 10 million registered members. Women join this site specifically looking for sex partners. Romance comes in second here. If you're a regular hot blooded male, this is the site for you: AdultFriendFinder.com

Take Risks In Dating, Get Rewards

2009-04-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

Three of the Single No More singles are stepping out of their comfort zones to meet new people -- and one, the self-described cynic, has considered quitting. It's Thursday, which means it's time for another update from the four metro Detroiters Free Press is helping to find dates.

Loretta Green, a 32-year-old college librarian from Detroit, has had a few dates with a single parent she met online -- casting aside her rule of not dating men who have children. The relationship coach the Free Press hired helped her reach this decision to broaden her options. "What used to be my type hasn't worked in my favor," Loretta says. She's feeling a connection with him. "This makes me ask my closest friends many questions: 'How long should you date before it is serious? What are the rules when starting a relationship? ...Why do some people fall in love so quickly?"

Maureen Rose, a 43-year-old automotive manufacturing supervisor from Rochester Hills, took a risk last week. While having a drink with girlfriends, she spotted a handsome man at the bar. "I ordered him a drink, then went over and introduced myself. We talked about 30 minutes before I had to leave. I gave him my e-mail address. ... I received an e-mail from him reiterating that he just moved back in town and that he had to get himself financially situated before he could reciprocate and ask me out for a drink. Was that a nice way of saying, 'No, thanks?' "

Randall Walker, a 31-year-old 401(k) consultant from Royal Oak, has had two dates with a woman who contacted him through the Free Press. Their first date for coffee went well. For their second date last weekend, Randall drove to Lansing, where she lives. The optimism he felt when he first encountered her faded: "I just don't feel like there's a connection with her and me right now. ... She's applying for her PhD ... and has a full-time job where she splits her time between Flint and Ann Arbor. If we were to start up a relationship, then I know that it'd be extremely tough."

Pat Moylan, a 53-year-old neuropsychologist from Northville, is conflicted about the Single No More project. She finds the group sessions with the dating coach uninteresting. And she's also felt she doesn't fit in because she's older than the other participants. But then she talked to other women her age who said they've been monitoring her progress through the newspaper. "I've been cheered on by a lot of women over 50. ... I'm just surprised how many people say, 'I'm rooting for you, Pat.' "

Best Conversation Topics With Women

2009-03-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

There are really two very different (and important) aspects to the 'conversations with women' topic:

1. The HOW.

2. The WHAT.

THE HOW

Most guys want to know 'what to talk about' with women.

It only makes sense that you should talk about things that women are interested in... right?

Well... partially.

It is actually FAR MORE IMPORTANT to talk about whatever topic you're talking about in the RIGHT WAY.

In other words, if you don't understand HOW to carry on a conversation that creates ATTRACTION, then it really won't matter WHAT you talk about... because the woman you're talking to won't FEEL anything towards you.

The HOW of conversation includes (but is not limited to):

-Your body language
-Eye contact
-The Cocky & Funny style of communicating
-Flirting
-Sending mixed messages
-Directing the conversation
-Dealing with common questions and topics

...and many other things.

My point is that if you're running into a lot of 'uncomfortable silences', nervousness, and other usual challenges, then you probably need to get the HOW handled before the WHAT.

THE WHAT

With that said, there are several topics that are GREAT to discuss with women.

But instead of just giving them to you, I want you to do yourself a favor and THINK for a minute.

What topics do women PAY to hear about?

Hint: Cosmo magazine, romance novels, soap operas, nighttime dramas, the fashion channel... etc.

If you think about it, the answer to this question is rather obvious.

For whatever reason, WOMEN tend to LOVE:

-Drama
-Conflict
-Romance
-Famous people and their lives

So... it's really quite easy to enjoy a conversation with a woman about these topics.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Play amateur psychologist to the stars.

Talk about how someone famous is doing something really stupid, then psycho-analyze them.

For instance... right now, Michael Jackson is something like two hundred million dollars in debt. Even though he makes about twenty million dollars a year, he somehow manages to blow it all and then some. He has spent an unimaginable amount of time and money on plastic surgery and skin bleaching... and he reportedly just spent around seven hundred grand digitally darkening his skin tone in a recent video.

This situation is all kinds of BEGGING to be picked apart with a fine-toothed critical mind.

It's also PREGNANT with humor opportunities.

2. Find an interesting-looking group of people and guess what's going on.

Look around you, and find a couple sitting at a table that looks like they're on their first date.

Then start making fun of how the guy is acting, how he's dressed, his posture, or whatever. Talk about how the woman is thinking that he's a dork and how he's not getting any, no matter how many compliments he gives her.

Analyzing what's going on with a close group of others is big fun, and women love it.

3. Make fun of someone famous.

Talk about how a super model is too skinny, or how Ozzy has killed all his brain cells and what a shame it is that he's on TV broadcasting it to millions of viewers.

Make fun of Mariah Carey for gaining weight, being put in the loony bin, and putting out a sucky movie.

All you have to do is read a few gossip magazines to get all kinds of great stuff to make fun of.

It's fun, it's funny, and it's a great way to talk like you're all that.

4. Talk about other people's love lives.

Talk about the problems that others are going through when it comes to love and romance, then volunteer completely ridiculous theories about what's going on.

Mention a friend you had who broke up with his girlfriend because she gained weight, then after you've told the story, make up a random theory about how women who gain weight are actually lesbians.

But make sure it's funny, whatever you invent.

...I think you can 'feel me'.

The point here is that women are NATURALLY fascinated and drawn to certain topics... so USE THEM.

The REAL benefit of talking to women about topics that really interest them is that you can USE ALL THE OTHER IDEAS THAT YOU'RE LEARNING while you're talking!

You can AMPLIFY THE ATTRACTION as the conversation goes on... as long as you know what else to do as you talk.

Oh, by the way...

Topics to avoid: Rape, kidnapping, stalking, death, chess, computers, comic books, Star Wars, monster trucks, and NSYNC. NEVER talk about topics that might really freak a woman out, or topics that make you look like the biggest loser alive in the beginning. You'll create BAD VIBES that will make any attraction that you've created INSTANTLY disappear. Others to really avoid include talking negatively about yourself, talking about how desperate you are or how long it's been since you've been on a date, asking if she likes you or if you're her 'type'... and any other WUSS-BAG topic that makes you look insecure and needy.

Remember, the key to success with women is creating a powerful emotional ATTRACTION between you and her.

Secrets for Writing the Perfect Online Dating Profile

2009-03-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

In real life a personal ad — or its online dating equivalent, the personal profile — can be a terrific tool to endear the right person to you. 'The personal ad route can be a good idea because it gives you the opportunity to meet people outside of your little circle of friends and co-workers,' says Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Va.

But the way you write a personal profile matters: it could mean the difference, in fact, between hooking the love of your life and falling flat.

There's Something About Your Ad ...

Follow these six simple rules to pique a would-be partner's interest.

Talk yourself up ... but stay sincere. What's great that you have to give? How would your best friend sum up the qualities that make you unique? Strut your stuff, Coleman encourages, in a way that's 'upbeat, but not fake.'

Keep the style fun, not formal. 'If you have fun writing it, the reader will likely have fun reading it,' says author Evan Marc Katz in I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating (Ten Speed Press, 2003). In writing about who you are — as well as about what characteristics you're looking for — write the way you talk, in a creative way that will win people over. A better way to go than 'I'm lots of fun,' according to Katz: 'Karaoke? Rock climbing? Strip poker? Road trip to Vegas? Go on, dare me. I'll do it.' Stories — of a recent funny experience, for example — can captivate people in a way that generic descriptions never will.

Choose words carefully to express what you really want. 'In search of: a wealthy man' might come across as 'gold digger,' and searching for a stunning woman can seem superficial. Are you actually looking for a partner who's ambitious or fit? That's not as likely to offend.

Include a picture that's flattering, but true to you. Find a recent photo to submit, or have one taken. Pick a pic that shows your playful side, or has you hanging out with family or friends, Katz recommends, warning that 'photoless folk will hardly be contacted by anyone.' In your pictures, as in your words, represent yourself honestly, says relationship coach Coleman. 'People will find out the truth soon enough.'

Read over what you're about to submit. Avoid seeming sloppy; review your writing so it's grammatically correct and typo-free.

Keep It Positive: No Problems, Please

The things you leave out of a personal profile are as important as what you put in — no 'my last relationship left me broken-hearted' or 'I detest my job.' And leave out personal information, for security's sake.

With these ins and outs to go by, personal ads can help you date less duds and zero in on the people who show some potential — whether what you like is golf, baseball and beer, or more along the lines of opera and fine cuisine.

Adult Dating Site Asks 'Are You Hot Enough?'

2009-03-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

Jason Pellegrino (an 8.2 on the attractiveness scale) says the problem with Internet dating services is not enough really hot-looking people.

So he and a business partner have created HotEnough.org, a sort of online version of Studio 54, the exclusive '70s disco where gaining admission was a pitiless Darwinian exercise. HotEnough.org is for "fit, good-looking" people.

Prospective members must submit pictures and must be rated an 8 or higher by people already in the club. Once they are in, they are permitted to e-mail other "hotties" for $9.95 a month.

"It's definitely hard to get through that rope, but once you're in, you're in and you're part of the party," Pellegrino said. "But you know there's going to be a lot of people outside waiting."

The 33-year-old said he and his partner, Sean Cohen, created the site after concluding that Internet dating sites attract a lot of brave and desperate people but not particularly attractive ones.

A few months after its launch, membership is just under 1,000, Pellegrino said. In the beginning, only 8 percent of those who applied made the grade, but now about 25 percent of applicants do, he said.

Candidates must send in three pictures, including one full-body shot. Active members rate the pictures online without knowing anything else about the people in them.

"People can say that the site is shallow, they can say it's superficial, but I think we're all a bit superficial when it comes to dating," Pellegrino said.

One of the "hotties" accepted into the club is Jimmy Ziomek, a 29-year-old from New York City who rated an 8.2. Ziomek, who said his job in real estate keeps him from going out much, has blue eyes and light brown hair and goes to the gym four to five times a week.

Using HotEnough.org "saves time and it does the searching for you, narrows it down to the people that you are interested in meeting," he said.

Among those who did not make the cut was Jeanette Ponder, a 28-year-old Internet blogger from East Orange, New Jersey who considered herself an 8 or 9. She said she applied because she thought it would make a good story.

"I got rated at like 5.7," she said. "When you put yourself out there in any situation, even if it's one which you're not taking seriously, it's going to sting."

But she also reasoned: "You cannot make a relationship by being arm candy."

Like it or not, HotEnough.com operates according to a principle that watchers of the singles scene have long recognized: "People tend to end up with partners who match them in physical attractiveness," said Margaret Clark, a professor of psychology at Yale University.

Pellegrino, whose day job as a project manager for a construction company in Maplewood leaves little time for dating, has brown eyes and a bright smile, goes to the gym at least three times a week and gets his stylish haircut touched up every two weeks. He was happy to make it onto his own Web site.

"I see myself more in like the 7.5 range," he said.

Good and Bad Adult Dating Profile Samples

2009-03-21T12:02:00.000-07:00

Profiles listed on this page were taken from various online dating sites, and were posted by actual real people looking to meet others. Read through them and use them as inspiration to write your own personal ad.

Examples of Good Ads

1) If I like you...Can I keep you?
I am secure & happy with myself, but...Life is meant for 2!! A little bit about myself: I enjoy travel, camping by a lake, gardening, home decorating, Comedy Clubs & Dinner Theater, music, my dog, & celebrating special occasions. I am self-sufficient, independent, honest, I have a great sense of humor, & family & friends are very important to me. A man who ONLY has eyes for me & can make me laugh are important qualities! No Pressure! Let's just relax...become friends & get to know each other... and see what happens.
( The headline is very inviting - makes you want to click on it. )

2) Lost Smile---Reward For Recovery
I'm putting out a world wide web bulletin to get everyone's help. You see, I've lost my smile. I'm not really myself without it. I have a couple leads that give me hope that it may have been found, including a vague description. She appears to be between 26 and 40 years old, but may appear younger than her age. She at least 5'7' (I am 6'), not a bbw, but doesn't live at the gym either. She has high-maintenance looks with a down-to-earth attitude, values, and personality. She loves rock & roll and may be found at concerts. I have conflicting reports that she's either a blonde or a brunette. She's intelligent with her own career and not dependent on someone to support her. If this person can be found, I can offer a reward of lifetime devotion, long, slow kisses that last for days, midnight massages, a partner that loves to cook and doesn't mind sharing in the household chores, someone to wash your back, a shoulder to lean on, and someone who will hold you at night. If you think you may have found my smile, please e-mail me as I really need it to be myself. Thanks.
( Original, appealing and very well thought out.)

3) 'Spark Plug'
When people are sometimes asked to describe me, the term 'spark plug' is often used. I know how to speak my mind and get what I want, but I do so with a smile. I've been known to assess first impressions quickly (both personally and professionally) and generally do not waiver from my initial conclusion. I'm considered a very generous person in all aspects of my life especially in friendship, family and love. I've been told that I'm smart, beautiful and sensitive, although I also tend to be a bit modest too. I'm looking for a man who shares my views on love, family and friends and is ready for all of it to begin with me.
( This person added enough personal details about herself to give a potential responders a real sense of who she is.)

Bad Personal Ads
by Barb Marcano

Creative, well thought out personal ads get attention! Ones that are poorly written get ignored - that's a FACT! Below you'll see a few ads that are barely worth reading, and definitely not worth your time responding to. JUST REMEMBER! If you're going to take the time to post an ad, you want to write one that gets results.

Examples of Bad Ads

1) Hey SeXXXy!!!!!!
I am 22, I go to college in London Ontario for Marketing and I live in Stratford. I love hockey, going to the bars with the guys and playing pool. Not really sure what else to say so I will leave it at that :)
( Sounds like a real winner. Watch out girls, I saw him first! )

2) Nice guy looking for a nice girl
I a genuinely open and friendly guy, hard to come by these days. I like to spend time around friends, and always love to meet new people. I like to keep myself busy, can't stand sitting around doing nothing.
( Not exactly bad, but much too vague, didn't really give you much to go on )

3) FREAK! Or someone like that...me I guess. COME ON! LOOK HERE!!!
Snuggly guy, 6'2', 165 lbs. Just moved to Vancouver, looking for friends and people to show me around the city. Is that you? Are you sure? I am pretty weird...ok then. :)
( I'm sure he's a really nice guy - but would you want to take the chance? )

4) MALE 25 YRS SINGLE
I AM A VERY STRAIGHT PERSON .UNMARRIED & LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO GET MARRIED WITH.THATS ALL WHAT I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW.FOR ME IT HARDLY MATTERS IF U R A DIVORCEE ALSO.
( BORING - poorly written, lacks details and the use of all CAPS makes it hard to read.)

5) 'Cacktas The Sign of Loyality'
I am Farooq i have only one frend name is AYAZ and he say about me that farooq is a gentleman person hardworking faothfull good looking and and and..................... and wot i am in my point of view i like treveling i want to go all over the world mmmmmm like music of shehzad i am very much bus kafee zayada tareeef achee nahi haotee...............!
( A very good example why it's so important to check and double check your spelling.)

Online Dating Or Prositution?

2009-03-18T02:15:00.000-07:00

I recently came across a dating website for people looking for "mutually beneficial arrangements." The site connects "Sugar Daddies" with "Sugar Babies." Basically, it promotes arrangements where young women date older men in exchange for expensive gifts. This is what you need to do, if you want to take four vactions a year. Unlike other dating websites, profiles of Sugar Daddies (and Sugar Mommies) list the person's annual income and net worth; for example, "ActionDaddy" is worth $750,000 to $1,000,000. The profiles of Sugar Babies list how much each expect from their Sugar Daddies (or Mommies). "Foxy Kat" expects between $3,001 and $5000 a month from her Sugar Daddy. She asks, " I'm looking to make YOUR world a better place… Do YOU want to do the same for Me?" She makes it sound so simple, doesn't she?

The website helps us with some clarifying definitions:

Sugar Daddy: n. Slang. A wealthy, usually older man who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for intimacy or companionship.

Sugar Mommy: n. Slang. A wealthy, usually older women who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for intimacy or companionship.

Sugar Baby: n. Slang. A young person who gives intimacy or companionship to an older man or woman in exchange for expensive gifts.

According to the website, this is a very natural dating arrangement. "Let's face it… It's human nature for older men to want the younger and more attractive women. It's also natural for younger women to seek out men who are successful, specifically those who have the means of providing a woman with comforts and luxuries."

I did a little more research to see just how "natural" this arrangement was. I trolled the Craigslist personal ads and found hundreds of ads looking for "sugar babies," "sugar daddies," and "mutually beneficial arrangements." It seemed as though most of the sugar daddies were looking to help out college students in particular, who perhaps have the desire to live lavishly but do not have the time for a traditional job. When I did a little more research on who these sugar daddies were, they were more often than not busy businessmen in their 30s and 40s, who claimed to simply not have time for a traditional relationship. They were willing to pay in order to have the convenience of some no-muss, no-fuss company -- often sexual company. These arrangements were also pretty common in the gay personal ads as well.

Now, this seems all well and good. I once dated someone who showered me with gifts. It's not a bad deal. Of course, that was a "relationship" and not an "arrangement." But the question remains: where do we draw the line between a "mutually beneficial arrangement" beneficiary and whore?

The dictionary defines "prostitute" as:

pros/ti/tute: -noun
1. a woman who engages in sexual intercourse for money; whore; harlot.
2. a man who engages in sexual acts for money.
3. a person who willingly uses his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy way, usually for money.

So, is this "mutually beneficial arrangement" NOT prostitution because these "sugar babies" are receiving gifts instead of hard cash? Or is it because sex is negotiable within an "arrangement?"

According to an anonymous Sugar Baby quoted on SeekingArrangement.com, "Who doesn't want to be spoilt and pampered? The truth is many of my girlfriends want to find a sugar daddy."

I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around this. On the one hand, what a great idea! I am young, attractive, and available. Therefore, I deserve to be paid for my attentions. How easy it could be! That new digital camcorder I've been wanting -- POOF! It's mine! All I had to do was spend some quality time with a rich older gentleman. I suppose I can understand this Sugar Baby's point of view.

On the other hand… She's getting paid for her attentions. The Japanese Geisha is the only other example of this I can think of, and even they were occasionally paid for intercourse. And yet, these Sugar Babies haven't been schooled in the fine art of entertaining gentleman. The only thing they have going for them is youth, looks, and maybe naivety. This just doesn't seem right. It seems like prostitution. And let's not forget that even consensual prostitution is still prostitution. But is consensual prostitution fine and dandy? Or is it wrong because it's illegal? Is it wrong even if it were legal? Or is it still fine and dandy if it isn't legal, but everyone is happy with it? Is this simply a business transaction; exchanging one good for another to the benefit of both parties? Or is it just an after-school job? It does sound a little more exciting than Aramark, albeit much, MUCH less safe.

Regardless of one's personal beliefs about the exchange of sex for money, I would not recommend this type of arrangement to anyone. Especially if it were formed over the internet. First of all, your "sugar daddy" could be a serial killer. Second, if you were getting paid handsomely by this individual, I am pretty sure it would be hard to say no when they ask you to do something you don't want to do. I tend to believe that sex is emotionally safer and most enjoyable when based on trust and respect, not money. The whole thing should set off an internal "sketch" alarm, because in the end, one has to wonder what kind of person chooses to buy a fake relationship rather than forge a real one?

Why You Should Touch Her

2009-03-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

The common view of kino (note: kino = touching) is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you.

That is certainly true, and we're lucky we live in a time when doing kino with a woman is considered acceptable as soon as you start getting to know her. In older times, guys like Casanova had to be extraordinarily seductive with their *words* just so they could get to the point where they could begin to use kino.

But the key thing to understand about kino is that when you initiate it with a chick whom you're just getting to know, is that it isn't merely an arousing stimulus, it also challenges the barriers between you.

The presence of those invisible barriers which you both maintain in your minds is really the key difference between being lovers and strangers.

Typical "nice guy" behavior is to respect those barriers too much and to never challenge them. That by definition maintains the barriers, leaving them in place.

Doesn't matter how well he gets to know the chick, if he leaves those barriers in place he will never be her lover -- THAT is why he ends up in the friend category. Because he actually reinforced the barriers instead of destroying them.

Anyway, the next level up from AFC is to realize that you have to crumble those barriers, so you work on them, but you're still leery about causing any anxiety, and still a bit nervous about challenging the barriers. So you look for excuses to touch, or you reach out and caress her but it has a slightly rushed quality because you're trying to mask some underlying nervousness.

Ultimately, where you want to get to is the point where you recognize that for a woman, the experience of having you challenging the barriers is not ONLY a source of anxiety for her, but is also a source of EXCITEMENT.

And the idea is to shift the balance so that she experiences more excitement than anxiety.

Ever see a baby fall down? Notice how they don't know whether to laugh it off or cry so they look to their parents to see the parents face? If the parent frowns with concern then the baby starts crying. If the parent smiles, the baby starts laughing.

Same with women. When you are entering new territory with a woman by challenging the "touch barriers" between you and her, then you have to do it calmly and confidently and that CAUSES her to experience it as exciting. If you do it nervously she'll experience it as something that isn't right and that makes her uncomfortable.

One of the best ways to show confidence is to do it slowly, instead of rushing it. Nervous people rush things to mask their nervousness.

Nervous people also look away, so you calmly make eye contact. And nervous people look serious, so be sure to smile a lot.

Nervous people also make their voice tense, so you make yours relaxed, and make your posture very open and relaxed rather than being closed and tense.

All these things will convey confidence causing her mind to interpret your touch as a source of excitement, rather than a source of anxiety.

The more you understand (and vicariously feel) the way your touch EXCITES her, the more you will naturally become confident about doing it.

Besides conveying confidence, the other thing you need to do with kino is to strike a balance so it is neither too challenging, nor too tame.

As you start slowly caressing her -- her hand or her arm or her waist or back, or maybe feeling her cheek or her hair with your hand -- the ideal to strive for is that you want to keep her gently balanced on the very edge of being too excited, so it is never too much for her to handle, nor so mild that it becomes tame.

How To Create Powerful Personal (Part-2)

2009-03-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

3. - Don't rush into things,

unless that's exactly what the two of you are looking for. Hey, we're adults here; some people, male and female, or just looking to get together for a bit of fun now and again. If both of you are fine with that, no problem there. One thing we deeply recommend you remember though is that you don't really know if you want this person until you meet them.

This writer once began writing emails to a woman who, in all honesty, seemed to be just what he had always been looking for: very intelligent, funny, sexually adventurous, with a pretty face, flowing dark hair, and a frankly killer body. She was even bisexual it turned out - and willing to eventually bring a friend into the bedroom for some very hot times. In other words, it seemed a virtual hit of the jackpot.

And, as those amazing emails turned into equally amazing (and steamy) two-hour daily phone calls, it seemed more and more certain that this was the most amazing thing to happen to either of us by simple emails. The calls correctly gave each person a great deal of confidence that this was bound to be the start of something beyond anything we'd thought we'd find . . .

But after a few hours of spending time with this woman on a planned weekend-long vacation and sexual romp (which was also our very first face-to-face meeting), all this writer could think of was how he could get out of the arrangement and away from this woman. Why? Because he'd found that this seemingly fascinating creature on the phone and in emails was the most pretentious windbag he'd ever met in the flesh, without a single real thought of her own.

She was as physically attractive as her pics made her out to be, but that's about the only thing that didn't seem totally different about her in an actual meeting. To be fair though, the writer disappointed her in much the same way. She didn't really lie about herself; neither did the writer lie to her. It merely seemed that aspects of our personalities that had frankly been impossible to discern by emails and a few phone calls made themselves apparent in prolonged face-to-face contact. Our 'incredible romance' never really lasted the weekend. Therefore the only way to truly get to know someone is still the old-fashioned 'face-to-face' meeting, there's no getting around it. Had this writer's failed romance proceeded slower, to where each person could have gotten use to the unfamiliar 'body language' of the other, and began understanding the other more as a complete person, it probably would have ended quite differently. This writer has never made that same mistake again.

So even if you're looking for a simple 'hook-up', make sure you go through a ritual of writing a few emails, then making a few calls to get to know the person a bit better, then having a meeting without the unnecessary pressure that anything must happen that evening. It's always understood that the first meeting is a means to get acquainted, that's all it must necessarily mean. If something does happens later on that night . . . that's something else, and a very pleasant surprise to boot. But real compatibility - sexual or otherwise - is a stubborn thing; it only really shows itself completely in face-to-face meetings. Keep that in mind.

If you're looking for something substantial, be especially cautious. Again, while most women are essentially the same in person as they are in the letters and on the phone, there's always a chance that she may prove to someone be quite different - trust us. If you think this is something that you might want to last a awhile, give it time to grow before you jump in and decide this is what you want.

4. - Insist on talking over the phone before you meet;

we can't stress that enough. Online chats and erotic e-mails are only a means to start some good communication, nothing more. The truth is that anyone can be writing those words. You have to give and get phone numbers and really talk to that person before you even decide if you want to continue this thing beyond the written word. Too many times people have come to want the writer of certain emails, only to discover that she is really a he, or that her 'two years older than you' is actually twenty. A phone call is the best next step, a necessary means to break the ice even further and to help you really get to know the person before you spend a few thousand going to meet them in some far-off place. You'll know she's really interested when she starts calling you, too.

After all, it takes a lot more time and thoughtfulness (and money) to spend a half-hour or so talking on the phone than it does to write a few lines to someone most of the time, however clever those lines may be. Besides, if you become interested in this woman, it's an interesting way of check on your new girl; if a man answers the phone and announces that he's her boyfriend or her husband, you might want to forget about those plane tickets and save yourself a little fortune (and a bit of heartache) in the bargain. Fine, you may be saying to yourself, but I still feel funny getting in touch with women this way. How do I know if I'm going to say something that will at least get her attention? Believe it or not, one of the best ways is to concentrate on the form your email takes, as much as the content.

Remember, most female minds are geared toward the spatial, verbal forms of thinking and perceiving; it's why they feel the need to talk at length when they're troubled by something, as opposed to the male mind, which is more sequential and mathematical (we'll let the reader decide whether that means men are more reasonable ;-)) . She will take notice of how something is being said, almost as much as what is being said in the email itself. In fact, the structure of your message, or 'post,' is vital to getting your point across - not to mention getting it read at all.

Why Women Like Ugly Men

2009-03-09T02:59:00.000-07:00

In a study which unlocks the secrets of attraction, psychologists have explored how evolution has affected what's hot and what's not in the modern mating and dating game.

For many, it will come as little surprise. Women don't necessarily go for physical appearance but, rather, power, wealth and status.

"It's not that looks don't matter to women; they simply matter less than other things - in particular, signals of money and security," psychologist and author Viren Swami found.

The study, contained in his book The Psychology Of Physical Attraction, also found that we're a shallow bunch when it comes to waistlines.

People involved in an accident are far more likely to be rescued if they are of a normal weight than their underweight, or overweight, peers.

And when it comes to attracting men, it's not slimness but the WHR - waist-hip ratio - that is important.

Co-author Adrian Furnham said the lower the WHR the better, with female figures such as those of Scarlett Johansson and Marilyn Monroe the most desirable.

Mr Furnham said society had changed from valuing beauty as rugged Tarzan types to perfectly polished Brad Pitts.

"We've all evolved to find other humans attractive. But the cues for recognising beauty have changed over the years.

"We still look out for things like signs of health; a symmetrical face is attractive because people associate it with healthy people who produce healthy children.

"These days, we judge people first by their body size and then by facial characteristics.''

Main Fears of Women That You Need to Handle First

2009-03-06T02:09:00.000-08:00

The most important sexual organ you possess as a man is your mind. You must use your mental powers to arouse a woman and to handle her objections and fears to get her into bed. In many ways, you’re going to have to talk your way into bed. Before discussing her fears, however, I want to warn you about your own. You cannot have a negative internal dialogue with yourself and all sorts of doubts and negative thoughts racing through your brain when you’re seducing a woman or you will surely sabotage yourself. So don’t allow yourself to dwell upon your fear of rejection, your inadequacies, or any doubts you have about yourself. You must stay positive and expect the best to occur every time you are with a woman. Believe in yourself, relax, and have fun. Women will be less likely to resist any move you make if you are natural and carefree. Like a beautiful young woman once told me, “The fewer a guy’s worries are, usually the more attractive he is.”

Much of the criteria upon which a woman bases her decision on whether or not she is going to give it up revolves around her basic fears. A woman must first be free of any anxiety or fears before she will invite you to ravage her. You need to clear away the obstacles to the bedroom. Understand a woman’s fears and you can leverage a woman’s point of view to your advantage.

A woman has three main fears that you need to handle to clear the path to pleasure, ease, and her enjoyment of sex. First, she fears that she is not as beautiful as she needs to be, or could be, or should be. Women are always worried about their weight, the size of their breasts, their wardrobe, and their overall attractiveness. To eliminate these fears of inadequacy, tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her what you think of her skin, her neck, her legs, and especially her eyes. But don’t mention her breasts unless they’re perfect and not until you have already caressed them. Complement her about her clothes, her eye makeup, her jewelry, and never, NEVER critize her or belittle her in any way when you’re making your move toward the bedroom.

Her second biggest fear is her fear of abandonment. She needs to feel that after you make love to her that you are still going to be with her in the future. Reassure her that you are now a part of her life. In your pre-bedroom conversation, tell her how much you look forward to spending time with her in the future, and explain why you can see the two of you together for a long time, and talk about exciting things you will do together over the weeks and months ahead.

The third big fear to handle before getting a woman into bed is her fear of unwanted pregnancy or contracting the AIDS virus. You deal with this fear by broaching the subject of condoms before you get all hot with passion. Most women now days will not have sex with you unless you’re wearing a condom. As a Chinese girlfriend of mine was fond of saying, “No cover wang, no get bang!” Your job is to reassure her ahead of time that you use condoms and that you have a supply of them on hand. Look for ways to talk about the subject of condoms in a non-threatening way. Say something sometime early on like, “I think it’s really important that people use condoms when making love.” Try to word it in a way that uses third party names and references; don’t say ‘you’ like to use condoms don’t you.

How To Create Powerful Personal Ads (Part - 1)

2009-03-03T03:09:00.000-08:00

This short article will give you a few decent tips to use in your search for that e-mate - and your move to make her the real thing. First of all lets start with the common mistakes most of us do.

1. - Being boring.

The Ultimate Sin when you're first establishing something with someone new, and it's perhaps never more sinful than when you're doing it via email. If you can bring in the women with a simple pic, fine; but remember - very few of them like going to bed with a man they picture as being uninteresting, and even fewer will bother to follow up those first emails if they begin thinking you're too unimaginative to think of anything to say.

Firstly, the 'subject' heading. Never use a line like 'Hi there!', or, if you're answering an ad, a line like 'I saw your ad'. Remember that you're probably competing with hundreds of guys writing her if she sounds interesting at all, and even more if she's posted a pic and looks even reasonably attractive. To tell the truth, she'll probably be up to her pretty little ass in 'Hi there's and 'Saw your ad's; one more probably won't get her opening your email before anyone else's.

If fact, this writer knows of a number of women - attractive ones - who use the ads and insist that they instantly delete any messages starting off with such a common headline. As one said, 'If he doesn't even care enough to come up with anything interesting to say now, how can he come up with anything interesting later on?' So here, the 'subject's real use is to seperate you immediately from the pack. How do you do that? Well, it's not a bad idea to play off of her own subject heading if you're answering an ad. For instance, if she has an ad with the subject heading 'Looking for fun Romeo,' you can use something like, 'Romeo found - click for fun.' Admittedly this heading is very cheesy, but it's fun and separates you from everyone else. Most importantly, it shows her that you actually took the time to really read her ad; something they'll feel most guys never took the time to do.

If you're cruising the Net for any kind of action, the most important thing to remember is to cater to your audience. If you're going to portray yourself as a stud in an ad or a steamy singles chat room, don't be too surprised if you get jumped online by women who don't want anything more than a chance to experience what you say you can give them (yes, in this day and age of online anonymity, they will find you - trust us); and don't be surprised if they immediately ask for a pic. After all, Mr. Bigshot, you're the stud - prove yourself. If you want something more, say so a consistent tone that tells women who it is you're after.

After all, what can any woman hope to give you other than what you ask for? Your tone, and where you are on the Net, determines your audience and your potential dates. If you're hard into classical music, go hang out in those chat rooms and make friends there. Use your most passionate hobbies and preferences to find people that are deeper than the usual chat areas or singles web pages. Try checking out those hobbies online and feel free to join message boards. Just keep in mind that what you write (and where you write it) will determine who you catch.

2. - Lying.

Hey, we all pad that resume when were just starting out; but there's a difference between making things sound as well as they possibly can and outright lying. While it's certainly fun to pretend that you're actually slim with an athletic build while you're really not (or if you used to be slim and athletic like the man talked about above), the truth will eventually come back to haunt you. Horrible, horrible truth; there's no way to get around it. The point is to be reasonably honest at the beginning of any relationship - at least enough so that you don't have to explain how you put on 70 pounds and gave up deep sea diving in the two hours you spent traveling to get to her. Use your head. She's expecting to see and spend time with the man she's been writing emails to; make sure the emails reasonably fit who she meets.

If you're still thinking of pushing that 'truth' envelope, just remember that this thing can flap two ways; she can be lying to you. That little girl barely out her teens can be a man just out prison, and very lonely. So being honest with her allows you to insist on the same honesty. Again, we understand the desire to 'pad the resume' a bit. Women do it, too; everyone does. Just make sure your 'padding' doesn't create a myth you can't possibly hope to live up to in real life - unless, of course, neither of you were planning to meet in the first place. But since you're a man, I doubt that 'wishful thinking' will be enough. Keep it in the realm of truth.

Speed Dating Surival Advice

2009-02-27T14:51:00.001-08:00

Speed dating gives singles a chance to test-drive a dozen or so potential dates in one evening. Participants meet, mingle a bit at a reception, then take places at tables around the room. A bell sounds and each paired-off couple has six minutes to size each other up.

At the six-minute mark, the bell sounds, the men move to the next table in line and the process starts again. All speed daters have a check sheet to keep track of which people they'd like to see again, or not. The next day, they get a list from the organizers of everyone they said they'd like to meet, who also want to meet them.

The appeal of speed dating is a chance to size up a blind date without worrying about being stuck on a long, awkward date with someone you realize you don't really like.

Lisa Daily, dating expert and author of "Stop Getting Dumped," offers this advice to speed-date:

• Smile. It makes a good first impression. "I attend a lot of these events," Daily said. "And you always see people scowling down, marking things off on their scorecard like they're going to a job fair. Relax!"

• Dress for success. She advises women to wear red – a color that studies have shown to increase heart rate and promote attraction. Men, she says, should wear blue, because blue is a soothing color. Basically, nice guys wear blue, hot girls wear red. Daily admits that her advice has led to speed dating events where all the participants show up in blue and red.

• Think of one good question. Speed daters get sick of answering the same questions over and over again – where do you come from? What do you do for a living? – so you can make a big impression by not asking boring questions. Ask what they do for fun, who their heroes were when they were children, what three items they'd take to a deserted island. Their answers will tell you a lot about them, and your questions tell them just as much about you. Speed dating, Daily said, "really is the perfect setup. You only have to be entertaining for six minutes. Anybody can be entertaining for six minutes."

How to Attract Women

2009-02-24T01:46:00.000-08:00

Do not worry about your problems with women at all. Focus on maintaining a happy persona.

A girl that I work with is always ill-mannered, it makes her VERY unattractive. I always thought of her as an uglo, until one day where she was VERY happy and I noticed that she was kind of cute.

When I was in my best moods, I attracted the most women.

When I was looking for validation, I got rejected the hardest.

When I was the most arrogant, people started to put me down the most.

When I tried to act like the smartest, I said the dumbest things.

The times when the most good things happened to me, were the times when I was in a good mood to begin with.

The times when the worst things happened to me, were the times when I was in a poor mood.

What does this mean?

You must make your own happiness. From that, all will fall into place. If you depend on the world to do it for you, the happiness you have will be taken away.

Many of these tips and philosophies try to show you how to fake happiness and contentment. For example:

* Display Confidence *

Why not already be content with your life and where you are headed? Then, you have nothing to really worry about, and you are naturally confident.

* Smile and Make Eye Contact *

What reason do you have to NOT smile and look in the eyes of a person you find attractive? That is where you want to look isn't it?

* Don't Supplicate *

Why do you need to do ANYTHING for this person? Don't you do everything for yourself? Why deny them the same independence?

* Be Cocky and Funny *

Why would you be into self deprecating humor? Why wouldn't you be humorous? After all you are in a happy mood.

* Be Dominant *

Don't you have any idea what you want to do? Why wouldn't you step up and voice your opinion? Why step aside and let someone else control the situation? Don't you think you are worthy enough?

Of course, you can do all these things by puffing up your ego, but then (when you get rejected hard) you will realize that it is not the way to go. You must grow up: away with the ego, away with the insecurities, away with the over-analysis, away with the haughtiness, away with the arrogance, away with the rationalization.

Let not your cocky and funny attitude come from the thought of "all chicks want me." Let not your dominance come from "I am better then everyone else." Let not your confidence come from "she failed to recognize quality." Be a real man and take things as they are.

Don't try to impress people, don't try to seduce chicks, don't try to stay strong, dominant, confident, etc.

Just try to stay happy, and all else will follow.

And let no one cramp your style.

Dating Preparation: Give Yourself a Makeover

2009-02-21T11:30:00.000-08:00

Getting a makeover is about giving the outer and the inner self an overhaul.

1. LIKE YOURSELF
This is vitally important. You can't even begin your makeover until you like yourself.

2. BE POSITIVE
Have a positive attitude. Make sure you say positive things even if you aren't thinking them. Pay particular attention to self-talk - Take note of what you say to yourself and change it. If you are consistently saying 'I am not good enough' then you won't be good enough.

3. LEARN HOW TO HANDLE REJECTION PROPERLY
Rejection is a part of dating and it happens to everyone. The key is not to take rejection personally. Remember, it often has nothing to do with you.

4. BE CONFIDENT AND SMILE
Act confident and smile even when you don't feel like it. If you put on a confident front it can help you feel confident on the inside and when you feel confident on the inside it is obvious on the outside.

5. WORK ON YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Tips:

Speak clearly, loudly and confidently

Look the person you are speaking to in the eye

Say your point succinctly

Be enthusiastic

Practise active listening (see below)

6. PRACTISE ACTIVE LISTENING
In a conversation one of the most important things people need is to be heard. Be interested in people, listen to what they are saying and ask questions about it.

7. PRACTISE GOOD POSTURE
Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Never slump.

8. CONSIDER GROOMING AND CLEANLINESS
When it comes to a makeover clean and tidy works. Pay attention to the details like clean fingernails and getting rid of unwanted body hair.

9. GO FOR A NEW LOOK
Consider a change of style, including a new hairstyle/colour and new outfits.

IMPORTANT: Do your research. Ask at least five friends for their opinions. Look at what other people are wearing out on the street. Notice what you are impressed with or attracted to.

Find something modern that suits you and you feel comfortable in.

Colours are important - some colours suit you more than others. Find out which colours work best.

Don't forget shoes!

10. WORK ON YOUR SELF
Think about the way you live your life, and deal with your issues. If you have a fear of commitment, work on getting rid of that fear. If you get angry and defensive easily, work out why then change it.

Dating Tips for Dealing With Blind Dates

2009-02-18T02:28:00.000-08:00

When you are going on a blind date it is a good idea to make it a short one. Go out for coffee or drinks, at the most go for lunch. If you keep the date short then there will be less pressure on your date. This will allow you to scope each other out without the need to be worried about the appropriateness of who should pay the bill or maintaining a long conversation.

Plan to go to a public place with people around but not too crowded or loud. This way you can be safe and have enough privacy for a conversation without anyone's voice getting drowned out. Of course, it's a good idea to keep away from your regular hangouts so you don't have to chat with your friends. Focus only on the date to learn about him/her and help you decide if a second date is worth it. A short period of time in a safe yet private place is perfect for a blind date.

Maintain a balanced attitude in your conversation. Don't be sarcastic or condescending towards others. You don't know what your date may or may not find offensive. Plus you will seem crude and disrespectful. If you are a guy and make suggestive comments then you will make your date very uncomfortable and it's unlikely you will see her again. It's also a good idea to keep away from controversial views such as views or organized religion or the state of politics unless you have already been discussing such things online or something like that before you meet your blind date.

The most important tip on conversation etiquette is to listen to your date. Ask questions to sound interested and to get to know about your date. Preparing a list of questions before hand might be a good idea to keep the conversation going. Ask open ended questions to learn what they value as this helps you understand their core. For example, what do you most enjoy? Or what makes you passionate? Or why do you like your present job? Etc. If you focus on specific questions such as asking about the years spent somewhere or how many vacations he/she takes, then there is little room for your date to provide information about interests them in their own words so you can get to know them better.

Remember to keep basic courtesy at all times. Keep your cell phone off unless you are "on-call" in which case let your date know that you will ignore all calls except emergencies. Don't expect too much from this date. It is a blind date so it will probably lead to nothing but it could lead to you making a good friend or even a fulfilling relationship. However, it's best to go out just to have a good time getting to know someone new and that is it.

My last tip for your blind date is this: Make up your own mind about your date. If your friend is setting you up on this blind date, don't ask questions about your date. Your friend's opinions could bias you in one direction or another. It is best to prepare yourself and meet your date with a clean slate, so you can get to how you feel about him or her. Always read the top bestsellers on relationships and dating so you are up to date to the psychology of the opposite sex so you don't sabotage yourself to faulty assumptions. Learn while you date and you will have the most fun and educational experience you can.

When She Says 'Let's Just Be Friends'

2009-02-15T12:26:00.000-08:00

Sooner or later we’ve all heard it. Yep, I’m talking about the dreaded “Let’s Just Be Friends” speech from a woman we’re dying to be oh-so-much-more with. There are no ifs-ands-or-buts about it. It sucks. But it doesn’t have to be the nail in the coffin. There is life after the “Let’s Be Friends” speech, there will be opportunities to turn things around, but you have to handle things very carefully. Here’s what not to do:

Beg her to reconsider. Remember you are a man, even if a very young one. Do everything possible to either date or merely sleep with her best friend. Hang around her as much as possible with a hurt, hang dog expression.

Here’s why. Women have been known to change their minds – but only if they start to see the man in question in a new light. Something about you currently just isn’t ring her chimes. But you can’t argue, beg or plead your way into her seeing you differently. What you can do is step back, reconsider and put a new game into play. Let me lay out some basic strategy for you:

When you begin to understand women and have more success, you start to realize that most women are not the type that you'd be happy with long term.

Make Yourself Scarce For Now

Don’t be too available, or even go near her (if possible) for the next two or three weeks. When you do see her be pleasant but have other things to do and other places to go. You are no longer available to fix her car, go see a movie another guy wouldn’t dream of, or to listen to her daily trials and tribulations. That will only cement you into the “friend” position, and the longer you stay there the harder it is to get out of it.

Don’t Call Her

Making yourself scarce means you shouldn’t be in contact in any way, and that includes phone calls, emails and instant messaging. If she contacts you for any reason do get back to her – but not right away, and be very brief when you do. If she calls, you email. You don’t want her to think you’re trying to get back at her, but you do want her to know your world doesn’t revolve around her (even if presently it does).

Stop Thinking About Her

This is tough but you’ve got to do it. If it means replacing her face with one of the hot chicks from “Lost” every time you think about her do it. Remember there are more fish in the ocean. There are other women out there who’ll catch your interest if you allow it to happen. The more you stay mentally focused on this one woman the more you’re going to psychically repel her with your sad pathetic longing energy. Let go. Really let go and open your mind up to new possibilities.

Get A Life

Yes this is easier said than done when you’re heartsick but you’ve got to buck up and do it. This is especially hard when you hang in the same group of friends, so it may entail making new ones. This is the time to dust off a passion and put new focus and interest into it. What is it that you’ve been dying to do again or try for the first time? Bungee Jump? Hike that local mountain? Get a pilot’s license? Go back to school? Note, when I said get a life I meant a winning life, not a losing life. This isn’t the time to sit your sorry ass on the couch and leave it there gorging yourself on fast food. The only way you’re going to get another go at this woman is to get her to realize she’s underestimated you. If you stay put on the couch you’re lucky she even pondered you in the first place.

Start Going Out

Once you start doing something you really love you’re going to feel better about yourself. That’s the time to start going out and honing your social skills with women. That’s also why you need some new friends to hang out with – you don’t want to be trying out your new pick up lines around the woman who only wanted to be your friend. She doesn’t need to see you at it when you’re still a bit crushed and feel you’ve still got training wheels on.

You May Contact Her Only When You Feel Great

Okay, here’s the deal, you can either contact her or be in the same group as her again – but only after you’re feeling much better than you ever imagined you could feel. Until then avoid her like the plague. She is not going to see you in a new light until you see yourself that way. Can you fake it? A bit. And do fake it if you happen to run into her too early. Don’t brag. Don’t talk about a fake new girlfriend. Just be pleasant, excited about some new interests and keep it short.

Once you’re feeling good, once you’re open to dating new women (or have in fact started to date new women), you can be in touch with her very briefly or you can hang a bit in the same group again. Only contact her with some interesting bit of information you thought she’d like to know (like where a band she’s really into is playing soon) – not that you miss her and are dying to see her. With this you remind her that you’re a thoughtful dude who knows her taste, but you’re not asking her out again. When you’re around her again don’t avoid being in her presence, but don’t push to be near here. Always ask how she is, tell her it’s good to see her, but don’t give her compliments and don’t engage in long conversation unless she backs you into a corner. Remember you have new exciting things going on.

When You Can Let Your Guard Down A Bit

You can relax a bit when she starts contacting you or seeking you out…but be careful. If she starts putting you in the friend role again because “no one understands her like you” head for the hills as quickly as you politely can. You are not her therapist; you’re a guy who wants to get lucky with her. If she starts paying you compliments, playing with her hair while she talks to you, and tilting her head to the side while talking to you she’s flirting. At that point tell her you’ve got to run at the moment but you’ve love to get together with her for coffee soon and you’ll call her.

Don’t ask her out on a romantic date and don’t call right away…give it a couple of days. You never want your presence in her life to be like a good old reliable doormat. When you get together don’t brag. If you’re seeing someone else (and good for you if you are) admit to it, but hold your cards close to your chest. Be mysterious and happy about your life. Tell her about the fun new things you’re up to and let her know it would be cool to do it together sometime.

Let her now be the one curious over whether she’s been put in the friend role.

How to Be Approachable to Women in Bars & Nightclubs

2009-02-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

“Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don’t. They sit in front of the T.V. and treat life as if it goes on forever” – Philip Andrew Adams

I noticed two interesting things happening last night when I was out at a club in Hollywood to see a friend’s band:

1) Most of the men were completely stony faced
2) The very smooth moves of the guy who ended up getting my phone number Changing Your Public Face I don’t think most men have any idea of how foreboding they can look to women. Most of the men I saw last night could have frozen water with their faces. I know I’ve said it before, but it’s a very important point since scientists have found that most flirtations are actually set up by women – even though the men aren’t usually aware that it’s happening.

The mask most men put on to go out in public is one of “don’t mess with me” and women follow suit. We don’t mess with you. Unless you’re Chad Michael Murray or Jude Law gorgeous we don’t give you another look, and our gaze moves on to men who look more approachable. As the night wears on, unless alcohol loosens you up and makes you friendlier, you become more and more upset over not meeting any of the cute girls you’ve been sneaking glances at, and your face gets all the stonier. Women take you for being an angry pissed off sort and keep away, and by the end of the evening you are just that.

A face that keeps others away is important while riding the subway through a dangerous neighborhood, but it’s not the right one if you want to be meeting women. The next time you’re out at a club or bar notice the expressions and mannerisms of most male bartenders. They’re busy, but approachable. They engage women, but don’t cling to them because they’ve got too much going on. It’s a great act to follow.

Many of us, myself included, have naturally serious faces. It’s important to recognize this, because even if you’re not putting up a front when you go out, unless you make a serious effort to look approachable you won’t seem to be. This doesn’t mean you have to be a totally goof ball trying to entertain strangers, but it does mean you need to do things that make you appear approachable. I recommend you try the following;

1) When possible, go out with a friend who gets you out of your shell and talking. When women see men out enjoying themselves with a friend or two they find them more approachable. This, however, changes when it becomes a large group of men who have their own party going on.

2) Sit at the bar, when possible, instead of standing against a wall. Engage the people around you in small talk from time to time to show that you’re approachable and social.

3) If the place is packed don’t stay in one spot too long. Chances are you won’t see someone you like just from one spot, nor will she see you. If you do see someone you like you don’t want to be stuck in one place where you’ll constantly be glancing at her. Don’t, however, walk the club like a caged panther looking for an escape.

Meeting Women in Seven Easy Steps

Okay, so yes, I did give a guy my number last night. I’m going to share exactly how he pulled it off, because it was pretty smooth:

1) First off, he was with a few friends who were sitting on a couch, while I was sitting at the bar. I first noticed them because they seemed to be enjoying themselves while so many other men in the club looked pretty angry or bored.

2) Secondly, the first time he spoke to me he just asked if I knew the band currently playing. I admitted I didn’t, and then he asked who I was there to see. It was clever way to approach me because there was no way I could give a bitchy response unless I was an absolute bitch.

3) When the band he was there to see came on he approached again and asked what I thought of them. Fortunately for him they were really good. This gave us something to chat about a bit. He introduced himself and then went back to his friends.

4) After my girlfriend arrived he came up again and asked if we’d each like a drink. That was very cool, very chivalrous. I knew he was angling to talk more to me but I like that he included my friend. It’s easy to do because she’s very attractive and charming, but that shouldn’t stop you from including the friend of the woman you’re attracted to. It’s easy to let the one you’re really interested in know, hold her eye contact longer, and touch her on the arm or shoulder when talking to her.

5) He watched the band I’d come to see with us and gave them generous compliments. I know some men think that being “cocky and contrary” interests and excites women but it only turns me off. I’m looking for someone I have common interests with to enjoy my free time, not someone I have to debate.

6) He never stayed with us for more than fifteen minutes or more at a time and then he would go back to his friends, which showed they mattered to him. Towards the end of the evening when the bar had space he brought his friend up and introduced him, which showed nice manners.

7) He asked me if I’d like to go to a movie sometime rather than just asking for my number. I like a man with a plan. Let a woman know you’d like to take her out rather than just banter with her on the phone.

What's Muslim Dating Like In US?

2009-02-09T05:54:00.000-08:00

So here's the thing about speed dating for Muslims. Many American Muslims — or at least those bent on maintaining certain conservative traditions — equate anything labelled "dating" with hellfire, no matter how short a time is involved.

Hence the wildly popular speed dating sessions at the largest annual Muslim conference in North America were given an entirely more respectable label. They were called the "matrimonial banquet."

"If we called it speed dating, it will end up with real dating," said Shamshad Hussain, one of the organisers, grimacing.

Both the banquet earlier this month and various related seminars underscored the difficulty that some American Muslim families face in grappling with an issue on which many prefer not to assimilate.

One seminar, called "Dating," promised attendees helpful hints for "Muslim families struggling to save their children from it."

The couple of hundred people attending the dating seminar burst out laughing when Imam Muhamed Magid of the Adams Center, a collective of seven mosques in Virginia, summed up the basic instructions that Muslim American parents give their adolescent children, particularly males: "Don't talk to the Muslim girls, ever, but you are going to marry them. As for the non-Muslim girls, talk to them, but don't ever bring one home."

"These kids grew up in America, where the social norm is that it is OK to date, that it is OK to have sex before marriage," Magid said.

"So the kids are caught between the ideal of their parents and the openness of the culture on this issue." The questions raised at the seminar reflected how pained American Muslims are by the subject.

10 Tips for Online Dating Success

2009-02-06T02:51:00.000-08:00

Every day thousands of people log on to online dating sites looking for romance or long-term commitment and love. In fact, online dating is becoming more popular as increasing numbers of men and women of all age groups seek an online connection. Use the following tips as a guide to online dating success.

1. BE HONEST
When placing an ad or replying to an ad make sure you tell the truth about yourself.

2. MAKE YOUR AD STAND OUT
Write an eye-catching headline. And add some humour if you can. (Beware: Don't be smutty as this will turn people off.)

Check out the competition. See what attracts you to other ads then use a similar style with your own. Be original Even if you like moonlit walks along the beach and candlelit dinners, restrain yourself from writing about it because you will sound just like everybody else.

3. USE A PICTURE
It's true that pictures are worth a thousand words. If you are placing an online dating ad, make sure you include a good quality photo. Also, make sure the photo reflects what you really look like otherwise a first meeting could end in disaster.

4. BE SPECIFIC
You know your self really well. Make a list of your positive points and your interests then tell them about it in your online dating ad. Be realistic!

5. CONSIDER WHAT YOU WANT
Find out about your target market - what they like and don't like to read in ads then write yours accordingly. For example:

If you are a man who wants a long-term commitment, don't list the physical assets you want in a woman, as the women who want long-term commitments will not respond to this. If you are a woman who wants a man who loves techno music, don't say you are a Mariah Carey fan.

6. BE POSITIVE
Nobody wants a sad sack

7. USE WELL-KNOWN DATING SITES
You want to make sure as many people as possible see your online dating ad. Try these popular dating sites:

FriendFinder.com

Date.com

AdultFriendFinder.com

8. ANSWER MESSAGES LIKE A CONVERSATION
If you are answering a message or sending another online dating ad, make sure you are not too formal. Structure your messages like a conversation. Be positive and friendly and don't say anything that could be misconstrued.

9. REMAIN ANONYMOUS
Do not give out your real email address, last name, phone number, address or workplace details. [Also see Empower's free ebook Dating Safety: The Essential Guide below.]

10. CONSIDER SAFETY WHEN MEETING SOMEONE IN PERSON
Meet in a public place and bring friends.

Dating Web Sites Now Trying to Prevent Divorce

2009-02-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

In 1995, Matt Frassica, tired of singles bars and set-ups by friends, tried his hand at dating online. There he met, and later married, a woman who also liked long walks in the rain and homemade lasagna. They were even featured in People magazine as a prototype of successful cyber-romance. Then the fairy tale ended. Mr. Frassica said he realized he was gay, and the divorce was official last year."We avoided getting to know the real person," says the 34-year-old corporate recruiter in San Francisco. "All we knew was the profiles of each other." (His ex-wife confirms that.)

More than a decade after the Internet revolutionized dating -- about two million Americans met their spouses online, by one measure -- the sites face a new challenge: keeping these couples together. While most sites started out focusing on dating, they are increasingly using their success in the marriage arena as a marketing tool -- making the stakes higher if these unions start to go south.

While many happily married couples say they may never have found a mate offline, there are already indications that meeting a spouse on the Web comes with its own set of potential pitfalls. Some divorce cases, for example, highlight false claims made in the online profiles that led to the initial attraction. In addition, of course, there are the natural perils that can come with getting to know a person virtually instead of the old-fashioned way.

Now, sites are stepping up their efforts to ensure that matches last. EHarmony.com is opening a new "relationship lab" this summer where some couples who met through the site will be monitored for at least five years to see how the marriages fare. In an initiative dubbed "Project Moses" internally, JDate.com, a Jewish singles site, is contracting a dating coach to train customer-service representatives in relationship counseling for couples who call in. True.com pitches a compatibility test (patent pending) that it says follows standards set by the American Psychological Association; one aim is to reduce divorce.

The emphasis on marriage and marriage sustenance is what these sites say they need to do to continue to expand their business. After double- and triple-digit growth in some recent years, spending on online dating rose by just 7 percent last year, according to a report by the Online Publishers Association, a trade group. The report shows that for the first time since 2002, music and video downloads surpassed online dating as a top revenue-maker on the Web. (Adult entertainment probably trumps them all, according to some market researchers, though figures are difficult to track.) A recent survey by Jupiter Research says serious daters -- those seeking long-term commitments -- are 63 percent more likely to pay for online dating than other daters. Such statistics are one reason the sites are taking pains to demonstrate successful track records at the altar.

The quest by dating Web sites to keep passion alive is all the more urgent because demographic statistics would suggest that the first wave of divorces among online daters is just now beginning. The median length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is eight years, according to a Census Bureau survey released last year. Online dating took off in 1995, with Match.com celebrating its 150th wedding two years later. By 2002, this style of dating had become firmly entrenched in the cultural mainstream.

Touting marriage results is now a major part of many sites' business strategies. Match boasts "twice as many marriages as any other site in the world" on its home page, a claim based on last year's survey of 4,800 people on Weddingchannel.com, a Los Angeles-based online-registry and wedding-planning service. Yahoo Personals has a special section devoted to success stories, while eHarmony festoons the hallways of its Pasadena, Calif., headquarters with photos of couples at their wed dings, including one with "eHarmony" in icing on a computer-shaped cake.

Though there is no statistical evidence that the break-up rate among online daters is any different from the national average, some divorce lawyers point to anecdotal evidence. Eric Spevak, a New Jersey divorce lawyer, says that as many as one in five of his clients now comes from marriages that started on the Internet. "There's no consequences online -- people can promise you anything, so engagements are shorter and people are rushing in," says Mr. Spevak.

New York divorce lawyer Raoul Felder says he is also seeing more Internet daters splitting up in his practice: "It's usually a relationship based on fantasy or desperation, which doesn't bode well."

False claims on online dating profiles are showing up in court as lawyers use the early dating profiles -- with their fibs about wealth and status -- for character attacks later. Robert Hoover, a lawyer in San Jose, Calif., says he was able to wrest child custody from his client's ex-wife based partly on allegations that she had used her younger sister's photograph in her dating profile to trick men, including her future husband, into emailing her. "If she'd misrepresented herself in that regard, maybe she misrepresents herself in the area of custody," says Mr. Hoover. "That was just brought up to attack her credibility."

Marriage counselors and divorce attorneys say they are often struck by how much of what brings people together online ultimately contributes to the undoing of the relationship.

One of the hallmarks of online dating, for example, is the quick intimacy driven by heartfelt profiles that can go on for pages and reveal everything from a person's favorite food to a weakness for tattoos. Focusing on these attributes, some psychologists say, makes potential suitors more likely to overlook someone's downsides. A 2004 Match study said 11 percent of its married couples were "in love prior to ever meeting face-to-face."

Online courtships also take place initially via email, a notably misleading way of communicating that doesn't take into account tone of voice or facial expressions. And experts say online daters as a group tend to be more interested in marriage and therefore more inclined to jump the gun.

It took Carolyn Fellwock and Charlie Watson only 11 months to tie the knot after meeting on Yahoo Personals -- and three years more to call it quits. The couple's shared appreciation for movie nights and homemade Irish stew turned out to be no match for their bickering over how to discipline their kids from previous marriages or the best way to spend the family savings.

"I can't believe it's over," Ms. Watson now says. "I really did think I'd found a soul mate."

A string of failed relationships can mean more subscriptions for an online dating site, of course, but many companies say they are more interested in building a brand name based on success. With several sites mulling plans to branch into services for other family issues, from child-rearing to troublesome in-laws, companies call a good marriage the foundation for customer loyalty. "If they appear to be happy in their marriage for the first couple of years but it doesn't last, that doesn't do anything for us," says Ron Worthy, product manager for member revenue at BlackPlanet Love, an African American singles site. "We want to build families."

For those relationships that do fail, dating sites have some built-in protections, primarily in the form of waivers members must agree to with the click of a mouse. Match, in language similar to that of other sites, declares itself not liable "for any damages whatsoever" from emotional distress to bodily injury. Sites with personality tests and quasi-counseling also include waivers saying such services are no substitute for professional help.

Match already has some publicity h eadaches stemming from a recent lawsuit over "date bait" -- flirtatious emails from phony daters to keep subscribers coming back. Yahoo Personals also is being sued for allegedly posting false profiles. Both companies have denied those claims as fraudulent and are fighting the lawsuits, which seek class-action status.

Anna Murray, a 39-year-old New York technology executive, knows the pitfalls of online dating. Her solution: She ran her Match suitors by her therapist."She'd read between the lines as only a good personality profiler can do," says Ms. Murray, now married. When presented with her future husband's profile, she recalls, her therapist delivered the verdict: "She said, 'He's not a creep.' "

While some sites track their marriage rate closely -- eHarmony says 16,500 of its clients tied the knot in the year ending August 2005 -- others say it's too hard to track accurately. According to the Pew Internet & American Life Project, a nonprofit research org anization, an estimated two million married Internet users in America met their spouses online -- that is about half the total number of people who married last year.

To maintain its success rate, eHarmony says it has rejected 1.4 million applicants it deems not marriage material -- they are struggling with addiction, for example, or have more than three failed marriages under their belt. Through its relationship lab, the company hopes even unhappy couples can help the cause of lasting matches; by noticing patterns in failed couplings, eHarmony can tweak its "compatibility matching system" to fix the problem. For example, founder and chairman Neil Clark Warren says he has noticed grieving widows and widowers tend to move too quickly in rebound relationships, creating tensions down the road. "We have an enormous interest in all these couples," says Dr. Warren.

Keep Her Off Balance

2009-01-31T10:45:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it would be a little hard to read the whole article but be sure it will also be worthy of your tiredness.

One tactic that I think is important early in the meeting process with a woman is to ensure that you do not instill in her a sense of false security and stability.

Women are used to having the upper hand in all things having to do with relationships. I don't believe they do this maliciously, but it is a power and control issue with all dating situations.

I'm going to propose something very controversial, but I believe works out the best for everyone in the end:

Keep her off balance.

What I mean by this is that you do not want any woman feeling too secure or cocky about how you feel about her or the hold she's got on you.

This goes back to a key principle of human behavior: The things you are most attracted to are the ones that you are not certain about. Uncertainty breeds an incredible gratitude for the times when you're rewarded.

Training for the more intelligent animals (dolphins) is done by what is known as intermittent reinforcement. This means that once a behavior is trained, you will get more consistency by only rewarding an animal at irregular intervals - not every time. This has been proven time and time again in tests, and it's just as true for men and women.

You've probably experienced this in your own life. Have you ever had a woman who was inconsistent - or hot-and-cold - with her sexual interest? You never knew if you were going to get some. When you did, you felt the reward, but the other times when you didn't you were being trained because you were more likely to work for the POSSIBILITY of sex the next time. Perhaps work even harder.

If she wants a kiss, give her one, but not when she asks for it. Then, when she leans in for a kiss, you hold her off - nicely. 'Whoah, there. Are you trying to take advantage of me?' Another way to keep her on her toes is to always be ready to say something controversial. Then, a few seconds later, appear to say something to contradict it. (Be sure to never change your opinion to match a woman's. A far better tactic is to take an area where she agrees with you and change your mind on her.)

If you are talking to her, and she goes to the bathroom, disappear on her before she comes back, then walk over to her a few seconds later.

Inconsistency is the key to driving her desire up. Consistency only sends messages to her subconscious that you are a man she could RELY on, but that doesn't make her LUST after you.

You can use an analogy of rides at an amusement park: Consistency is the Ferris wheel. Ho hum. Boring. You go up, and around, and back down ... and up....

Nothing fast. Nothing unknown. Just a tall view and look around the area.

Nice, but NO thrills.

Inconsistency - Surprise, danger, thrills - are found on the ROLLERCOASTER. Get her in the front car and start her heart racing with the unknown.

You have to get her on the right ride if you want to get where you want to go.

Keep her off balance, so she doesn't know what's coming.

First of all, I think some ground rules are implicit in this article overall, which I'd like to cover with you again:

1) I'm going to tell you the Truth. And that's whether or not you like it, or agree with it. The only thing that matters in the world of dating and seduction is GETTING RESULTS. (As long as no one is harmed in the process.) I'm not going to fill your heads with the lies that Hollywood and prime-time television perpetuate. If you want to live in the illusion that makes you feel good, but keeps you from getting success with women, go ahead. Have a blast being unsuccessful.

Sarcasm aside, I know you want more and want to know how to do better.

2) My replies are sometimes obnoxious, but so is the dating world. Get used to it. I'm having fun with you guys the way I expect you would with women. If you can't take a little good natured ball-busting here, the singles world will eat you alive. Grow a thicker skin. I have made (and still make) all the same screw ups, and I only wish I'd had somebody to give me the straight shooting advice early on.

(Kinda like that intense Drill Instructor from 'Full Metal Jacket,' only not so harsh.)

3) This newsletter and the topics I write about are for the early stages of dating. 0-90 days or so. There are some strategies that I believe are valid throughout your dating life, but most are especially applicable during the early part, where you are laying the groundwork for a POSSIBLE dating relationship. If you don't establish respect during this time period, you never will. And then you'll be sending me pitiful emails asking how to 'put the spice back in our love life' and other queasy tales of suffering.

Save yourself the pain of therapy later on by never letting it get out of your control in the first place.

With that in mind, I got the following question:

A Question:
--------------------
Wouldn't that attitude of keeping her off balance ruin a marriage and put a lot of distrust in it ? After all it would be hindering her feelings of security.
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Well, first off, this is 'Dating Dynamics,' not 'Marriage Dynamics.' I've said countless times that you must use different strategies in the early days of dating than you do later on.

And, let's keep in mind that I'm not talking about constantly undermining trust. I'm not talking about acting sneaky or deceitful.

I'm talking about introducing an element of UNPREDICTABILITY.

Life is very predictable, almost boring in its regularity and consistency. Women don't thrive on the ordinary and usual - they enjoy the dramatic and thrilling. (Think: Soap operas, 'The Bachelor,' andy 'reality' TV show, etc.)

Everybody does. Why do you think we get so excited to rubberneck at an accident? Or how we all gravitate to talk about the lurid crimes of passion in the news? We need this drama to inject some excitement in what is a VERY predictable existence.

We're born. We go to school. We work. We pay taxes. We die.

Day to day, you pretty much know what's going to happen. We all wait for the possibility of the UNKNOWN. While there's always the possibility that anything COULD happen, it rarely does.

Let's talk about security for a minute.

What is 'security'?

Do human beings really thrive and grow in 'security'? No. We want security as part of a relationship so that we can:

1) Feel protected
2) Feel able to open up and share more intimacy

These 'security' requirements are only necessary in a long-term or exclusive relationship. And you can't possibly get to that stage without a certain amount of excitement and energy that only UNpredictability gives you. You can't get to this point without igniting the fuse of her PASSION.

PASSION and PREDICTABILITY are on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

If you try to make a woman feel too secure too fast, you ruin everything that she wants to feel when it comes to the excitement and unpredictability. When you give a woman too much 'security' early on, what you're telling her at a subconscious level is that there is nothing interesting or unpredictable about you. A woman needs to feel inspired to start feeling attraction for you.

It's like the starter motor on a car. When you turn the key, this little motor spins your engine quickly in a short period of time so that it can get to the point of firing up the cylinders on its own and start cranking under the power of burning fuel and oxygen.

Without that initial burst of energy, the engine would never get going. The same thing applies to women.

One of the biggest illusions about women and dating (and sex) is that women need to feel secure with a man before she will date him or sleep with him.

NOT TRUE.

How many times have you seen women sleeping with the guys who were bad-boys? How many women have you known who have had one-night-stands? (More than you think, and more than admit it.)

How many times have you seen a woman take in a deadbeat slacker without a job, who sleeps on her couch while she goes off to work? (It's not an epidemic, but it does happen quite a bit.)

How many times have you heard a woman complain: 'I just don't know why I love him ... he's so unstable and wild ... He's unpredictable. He's not the kind of guy I would marry...' But he's the kind of guy she would sleep with. Funny, huh?

' Sexy' and 'Security' are almost never spoken in the same sentence. They evoke totally different feelings in a woman. You'll never hear her say: 'Wow! He's so stable and reliable! I feel so secure and he totally TURNS me ON!'

NOT!

When she's ready to settle down, she'll do that with a man who is predictable and ... well, a little boring in certain ways. When she's ready to start a family, she wants that long-term security. That boredom is a signal to her primitive mind that this guy will be a provider and stick around. It's in her genetic imprint.

It's my firm belief that you can start a relationship off with a woman in one of two ways. Think of this as a fork in the road you come to when you meet a woman. There's a sign and an arrow pointing down each path, and here's what each sign says:

Path to the Right - 'Start off by getting her excited and thrilled. You turn her on with humor and teasing. She gets frustrated at times, but always stimulated. You're different than the other 50 guys who came on to her with no personality or challenge. Her attraction drive is engaged and she falls for you. You get to have sex, love, marriage -- whatever you want.'

Path to the Left - 'Start off by being a 'nice guy.' She sees you as another man who can't excite her by being a vibrant personality - sexually charged - and instead she begins to see you as a 'friend.' All because you couldn't get her excited enough to engage her attraction for you. You wind up wanting her romantically, and she ends up telling you she wants to 'just be friends.' You get neither sex nor the relationship.'Think about it again, guys. What do you want? The way it SHOULD BE, or the way it ACTUALLY IS?

Yeah, we all SHOULD BE getting laid all the time, by any woman we treat nicely and give flowers to, but it rarely happens that way. We SHOULD BE able to make a woman feel 'secure' and she'll just jump us in a heartbeat.

BUT ... it doesn't really work that way. So, while you weep and lament about that for a while, I think we should recognize that it's okay to not give a woman all the security she wants up front when it ALWAYS works out better in the long run to give her what she really NEEDS and responds to.

We're humans, with intelligent control of our emotions, but so few of us actually are ever able to get that control. Don't fall under the illusion that we respond emotionally to logic and reason. We don't respond to things because we SHOULD.

I may not have gone into much more detail on the strategy of keeping her a little off balance, but I think it was important to explain the reasons why, and so that we can start to get rid of that monkey on our backs, the one that tells us that if we don't cater to a woman's every whim and need (i.e., 'security,' 'romance.')

In the early stages with a woman, SECURITY = BORING.

Security comes later.

Passion FIRST.

Scientists Discover The Best Pickup Line

2009-01-28T03:42:00.000-08:00

One hundred people aged from 22 to 45 went on five three-minute dates and were asked how they chose who to see again.

Psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman said the experiment showed that many women made decisions about prospective partners after just 30 seconds.

Most successful chat-up lines included 'What's your favourite pizza topping?'

The experts said looks were obviously a major factor and further research would be conducted into that area in weeks to come.

Almost 50% of women made decisions about potential mates after half a minute during the experiment, carried out at the city's International Science Festival.

Professor Wiseman, of Hertfordshire University, said: "One in five men had made their minds up about a person within the first 30 seconds of meeting them, compared to about half of the women.

"The key thing, particularly as women are making up their minds so quickly, is that the opening line reall y matters."

The academic said men and women adopted a "pretty similar approach" to chat-up lines.

However, some differences between the sexes were highlighted by the study.

"It tended to be the guys that used closed questions; ones that would elicit either a yes or no answer and that would be the end of the conversation," he said.

"Our top male and female were using the same sort of chat-up lines, with topics that would make the person feel quite light-hearted.

"The most successful lines were ones which were impossible to answer with a simple yes or no, such as 'What's your favourite pizza topping?' and 'Who would you be if you were going on Stars In Their Eyes?'.

Professor Wiseman said at the other end of the spectrum, the worst chat-up lines included 'I have a PhD in computing' and 'My best friend's a helicopter pilot'.

"It's very difficult to respond to these in an interesting or creative way," he said.

The psychologist also found that those looking for a potential partner should steer clear of topics which could cause disagreement, such as favourite films.

He said: "We asked participants to talk about certain topics and when they spoke about films it was a disaster, I could just hear people arguing.

"No-one wanted to meet each other afterwards, mainly because men and women often disagree about the best types of films.

"But when you shifted the conversation to travel, everyone became a lot more energised and that ended in far more dates."

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