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Winking
For shy and tongue-tied men, winking can seem like the ideal way to approach a woman. Sending her an electronic wink lets her know that you’re interested but without the need to write a witty, compelling email. If you’re uncomfortable with selling yourself or scared of saying something stupid, it seems like a no risk approach.
Don’t be fooled.
Winking is dull, unimaginative and can come across as laziness. Attracting women takes effort, and if you can’t make the effort to write even a brief introductory email the girls will assume that you’re really not that into them.
If you receive a wink from an attractive woman, respond with a short message. If you don’t find the courage to speak, she won’t either, so try something along the following lines:
“Thanks for the wink! Your profile looks intriguing and I’d love to hear more about you. If you’d like to get to know me better, send me a quick email and say hi!”
Chatting
The AFF chat rooms can be a useful tool (and best chat room etiquette is a topic I’ll get into later). They help you to figure out which members are currently active and saying a quick hello can be an easy way to make a good impression. But don’t allow yourself to loiter in them. Men with enough free time to hang around internet chat rooms all night give the impression of being lonely and desperate – girls prefer guys with active social lives.
The same theory applies to instant messaging. It can be extremely flattering to find a woman who wants to IM with you, but you didn’t join AFF to have cyber-sex, did you? Ensure that your encounters are real world ones by telling her that you don’t have time to chat just now but suggesting that you call her when you’re free.
Getting into Fights
Joining a local group is a great idea. I go into this in more depth elsewhere, but interacting with others in your area can be an easy way of getting your name known by single women.
The trick is getting your name known for the right reasons. Allowing yourself to start bickering with or criticising any of the other members will make you seem pompous and petty. Remember that it is not just the person you are fighting with who can see your comments – all of the available women in your local area will be reading them and judging you upon them, too, so keep them upbeat and engaging.
Sending Invitations
When you first join AFF you may be tempted to add as many friends to your network as you can. As a newbie to the site, having a sizable friends list can seem like an obvious way to make contact and to impress the female members. In fact, it could have the opposite effect.
Having hundreds of friends can be off-putting for two reasons. The first is that if you seem to be putting more effort into adding online friends than contacting women, girls will assume that you’re not that interested in real world encounters. The second is that men with many female friends do not give the impression of being picky. Girls like to feel that they are in some way special, but a lengthy contacts list will convince them that they are just another in a long line of flirtations.
When selecting friends, remember to put quality before quantity, and do not make the mistake of sending friends requests instead of introductory emails – they appear just as lazy and unimaginative as winking does.
When compiling a Hot List, the same theory applies – adding too many women is counter-productive. Very few people pay any attention to the contents of your Hot List, so adding anyone other than the girls you have slept with is simply a waste of your time.
Commenting
Many of AFF’s female members keep online blogs. Reading over a woman’s entries is a quick and easy way of learning more about her, but resist the urge to comment on every entry. Offering advice about her every dilemma ensures that you will never be more than friends, and if your thoughts appear at the end of every entry you risk seeming like a groupie – or a stalker.
Don’t invest too much time into following a blog. Spending weeks reading about a woman’s life is a waste of your time. If something about her has caught your eye, send her a message and say so. Don’t turn into a fan-boy that she’ll never respect or be attracted to.
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