3. - Don't rush into things,
unless that's exactly what the two of you are looking for. Hey, we're adults here; some people, male and female, or just looking to get together for a bit of fun now and again. If both of you are fine with that, no problem there. One thing we deeply recommend you remember though is that you don't really know if you want this person until you meet them.
This writer once began writing emails to a woman who, in all honesty, seemed to be just what he had always been looking for: very intelligent, funny, sexually adventurous, with a pretty face, flowing dark hair, and a frankly killer body. She was even bisexual it turned out - and willing to eventually bring a friend into the bedroom for some very hot times. In other words, it seemed a virtual hit of the jackpot.
And, as those amazing emails turned into equally amazing (and steamy) two-hour daily phone calls, it seemed more and more certain that this was the most amazing thing to happen to either of us by simple emails. The calls correctly gave each person a great deal of confidence that this was bound to be the start of something beyond anything we'd thought we'd find . . .
But after a few hours of spending time with this woman on a planned weekend-long vacation and sexual romp (which was also our very first face-to-face meeting), all this writer could think of was how he could get out of the arrangement and away from this woman. Why? Because he'd found that this seemingly fascinating creature on the phone and in emails was the most pretentious windbag he'd ever met in the flesh, without a single real thought of her own.
She was as physically attractive as her pics made her out to be, but that's about the only thing that didn't seem totally different about her in an actual meeting. To be fair though, the writer disappointed her in much the same way. She didn't really lie about herself; neither did the writer lie to her. It merely seemed that aspects of our personalities that had frankly been impossible to discern by emails and a few phone calls made themselves apparent in prolonged face-to-face contact. Our 'incredible romance' never really lasted the weekend. Therefore the only way to truly get to know someone is still the old-fashioned 'face-to-face' meeting, there's no getting around it. Had this writer's failed romance proceeded slower, to where each person could have gotten use to the unfamiliar 'body language' of the other, and began understanding the other more as a complete person, it probably would have ended quite differently. This writer has never made that same mistake again.
So even if you're looking for a simple 'hook-up', make sure you go through a ritual of writing a few emails, then making a few calls to get to know the person a bit better, then having a meeting without the unnecessary pressure that anything must happen that evening. It's always understood that the first meeting is a means to get acquainted, that's all it must necessarily mean. If something does happens later on that night . . . that's something else, and a very pleasant surprise to boot. But real compatibility - sexual or otherwise - is a stubborn thing; it only really shows itself completely in face-to-face meetings. Keep that in mind.
If you're looking for something substantial, be especially cautious. Again, while most women are essentially the same in person as they are in the letters and on the phone, there's always a chance that she may prove to someone be quite different - trust us. If you think this is something that you might want to last a awhile, give it time to grow before you jump in and decide this is what you want.
4. - Insist on talking over the phone before you meet;
we can't stress that enough. Online chats and erotic e-mails are only a means to start some good communication, nothing more. The truth is that anyone can be writing those words. You have to give and get phone numbers and really talk to that person before you even decide if you want to continue this thing beyond the written word. Too many times people have come to want the writer of certain emails, only to discover that she is really a he, or that her 'two years older than you' is actually twenty. A phone call is the best next step, a necessary means to break the ice even further and to help you really get to know the person before you spend a few thousand going to meet them in some far-off place. You'll know she's really interested when she starts calling you, too.
After all, it takes a lot more time and thoughtfulness (and money) to spend a half-hour or so talking on the phone than it does to write a few lines to someone most of the time, however clever those lines may be. Besides, if you become interested in this woman, it's an interesting way of check on your new girl; if a man answers the phone and announces that he's her boyfriend or her husband, you might want to forget about those plane tickets and save yourself a little fortune (and a bit of heartache) in the bargain. Fine, you may be saying to yourself, but I still feel funny getting in touch with women this way. How do I know if I'm going to say something that will at least get her attention? Believe it or not, one of the best ways is to concentrate on the form your email takes, as much as the content.
Remember, most female minds are geared toward the spatial, verbal forms of thinking and perceiving; it's why they feel the need to talk at length when they're troubled by something, as opposed to the male mind, which is more sequential and mathematical (we'll let the reader decide whether that means men are more reasonable ;-)) . She will take notice of how something is being said, almost as much as what is being said in the email itself. In fact, the structure of your message, or 'post,' is vital to getting your point across - not to mention getting it read at all.