There comes a time in every couple’s relationship when their sex lives are tested to the max. There is something worse than worrying about your significant other’s ex connecting with them on Facebook. It’s big, pink and most likely battery-operated. If you guessed a woman’s vibrator then you are right!
When your girlfriend uses the Ferrari of all vibrators, it’s hard to compete with it. She orgasms in literally 30 seconds and discovers that what she thought was an orgasm for her entire adult dating life really wasn’t–making you feel insignificant in bed.
Seriously, how can you compete? Now most vibrators are heat-sensored and most can plug into the wall–meaning it will NEVER tire out. NEVER.
Don’t be discouraged that the only way you can compete with the dreaded vibrator’s speed is by having a seizure or being electrocuted. There are ways around it. If you’re tired of being the fluffer for your girlfriend, here are some helpful tips to help guide to pleasuring your girlfriend like her vibrator.
Study Your “Enemy”
When she’s fast asleep after her multiple orgasms with her electronic buddy, turn it on and study it. You will realize that the dildo has nothing to do with orgasmic bliss. It’s all about the clitoral stimulator attached to it. It’s most likely shaped like some kind of zoo animal or sea mammal. You should always know your enemy before trying to defeat them.
Practice Your “Exercises”
In most cases, women tend to take a long time to orgasm through intercourse. That is why you need to perfect your speed and your technique before going “in.” Practice the “come hither” finger gesture when you’re by yourself. To practice your oral technique, eat a lot of ice cream cones. Fight off the numbing feeling in your tongue by continuing your “technique.” You have to build up the stamina to compete with IT.
“Rabbit” Speed
During the final stage of intercourse, the only way you’re going to stimulate her like her “little friend” does is to perfect your thrusting skills. To keep up, you must be able to thrust 2.5 times per second. This takes a lot of practice but if you have been studying your enemy and perfecting your techniques, you should be just fine.
Break It
When she’s at work, twist her vibrator until you hear a clicking noise. Scratch where the batteries should go to. You want her to think she tired the vibrator out so she doesn’t blame you. Considering how expensive they are, she probably won’t be getting a replacement anytime soon. Sometimes you have to play dirty to get what you want.