Well, it’s May 24th, 2011 and the world is still here. Everybody seems to be rejoicing in their “new found” freedom by going back to their complicated adult dating lives. However, what happens when the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse actually does come to bite all the skeptics in the ass? Everybody that ever laughed over George A. Romero’s Dead series will wish they boned up on their zombie survival tactics guide, although those that were mocked for preparing for the dead walking the earth will benefit from the world’s decay. Here are a few reasons why the Zombie Apocalypse will benefit your love and sex life instantly.
“Slim” Pickings
Fatties go first. It’s not discriminatory, it’s just statistics. The chances of you meeting slim girls to protect are a lot larger than plumper gals. Don’t tell me I’m going to Hell. Harold Camping already let me know that years ago.
Teen Wolf Syndrome
Remember the times you were constantly ridiculed by your classmates in High School? During the Zombie Apocalypse, all those painful memories that haunted you will disappear when you are able to finally outrank the so-called buff men that didn’t have enough sense to stock up on guns, wood and canned foods. Women will see you as “the Alpha male” instead of the “eternal dork” you were once referred to as.
Mortality Sex
Once you’re in a constant life and death situation, you may be surprised at how high a woman’s libido will be. You may also be surprised at how her painfully high standards drops drastically when she sees you wield your phallus shaped cricket bat like a deadly weapon.
Stamina
Your training exercises for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse will not only help you survive, but it will help you last longer in bed as well. She will be amazed by your skills and she will probably wonder why she wasted her time on bad boys with pre-ejaculatory problems before the Apocalypse.