Things to Say When the Cops Find You Naked With A Mannequin

Sometimes when you’re feeling down about your adult dating life, it’s always best to compare your love life to someone who has it worse than you. It’s like watching Jerry Springer. You know it’s the worst kind of entertainment, but at least you know that you are not fighting over a toothless trailer park hick who has fathered 1000 babies.

While looking for some new relationship topics for this blog, I discovered a recent story about a 61 year old man named Eddie Campbell who had sex with a mannequin in a memorial park. The police say Campbell was sitting on a park bench with an armless mannequin on his lap, holding it with one hand and jerking himself off with the other.

Thankfully, none of us would be so desperate and crazy to want to get lucky with a mannequin, but if I was Eddie Campbell, here are some things I would have said to the cops to avoid going to jail.

10. I just wanted to see how having sex with Kim Cattrall as a mannequin really was like.

9. You call it screwing a dummy. I call it practicing my performance for Yoko Ono’s Art show.

8. She’s alive! You watched Today’s Special, right? That show was real, man!

7. Says nothing and sits still like a mannequin.

6. What about my civil rights? I should be allowed to get married to her!

5. I’m telling you she’s legal. She was made in Taiwan in 1981.

4. You’re a mannequinist.

3. Officer, she was taking advantage of me!!!

2. I wasn’t taking off her clothes. I was trying to put my clothes on her!

1. This is the only benefits I get at Target. Have a heart.

Dating A Friends Ex: Is It Okay?

When you’re adults dating and you fall for a friends ex trouble could be brewing. Some people think that dating a friends ex is totally off limits, but that’s not necessarily true.

You like your friends ex, now what? If you’ve fallen for your friends ex, you need to consider a lot of things before moving forward. You need to be certain that your friend’s past lover is also interested in you. You must be certain that they are interested in you, because if you make a move and they turn you down, you could still get your friend mad. You shouldn’t risk damaging your friendship unless it is a sure thing.

How did they break up? Once you’re certain that you both share the same feelings, you need to consider your friends standpoint very carefully. When they broke up, was it your friend that did the dumping or were they the dump-ee. If your friend did the dumping because they were looking to move on, you might be okay. If your friend was the one who was dumped and suffered a lot of pain, you should probably hold up.

Preserving your friendship: The next thing to consider is the state of your friendship. Just how close of friends are you? If the thought of loosing that friend could be too much to bear, then you may have to pass on the romantic opportunity. If the friend isn’t particularly close to, you may find that dating their ex is more valuable to you than your friendship with them.

Pursuing a relationship with the ex: If you decide that you’re going to start dating your friends ex, then you need to be careful about how you handle it. Don’t try to hide it, that will make things far worse. Lying about it will make you look bad to everyone. Pull your friend aside and let or her know what’s going on. Tell your friend that you hope they can understand, but you will also completely understand if they are angry with you. You may want to avoid hanging with your friend as a couple at first. Try and ease your friend into the situation. Hopefully they will be able to move on and you can all come to terms with you and the former dating partner.

Top Ten Sexy Scream Queens From 2011

I don’t know about you, but I felt like this year’s horror pickings were quite slim. 2011 has delivered some surprisingly adult horror remakes, mediocre slasher sequels and few spooky supernatural thrillers, but likely there were still plenty of sex pot scream queens to make men drool everywhere. Here is my list of the top ten sexy scream queens of this year that made it into many male horror fans’ spank banks:

10. Roxane Mesquida (Rubber)

Although Rubber premiered in film festivals last year, the killer tire didn’t become popular until this year with many horror film goers. Roxane spent most of the film running from a rubber tire and this French vixen is no stranger to sexy roles as she has made unforgettable and naked appearances in Gregg Araki’s KaBoom and the infamous Fat Girl.

9. Lauren Britten (Paranormal Activity 3)

Before last week, many of us had no idea who she was, but since starring in Paranormal Activity 3 as the doomed mother, many men have started to take notice of this sexy Karen Allen doppleganger. She is definitely an actress we will see more of in the future…hopefully without the 80′s hairdo though.

8. Sharni Vinson (You’re Next)

Although Sharni has been popular in Australia with her R&B singing career for years, she has only started becoming known in North America after her “breakthrough” role in Step Up 3-D. However, it is her new role in the latest horror indie You’re Next that is getting this new scream queen a lot of attention.

7. Jaime King (Mother’s Day)

Although the entire female cast should be recognized because all of them were drop dead gorgeous, Jaime King is probably the most successful Scream Queen of the bunch. Since doing The Tripper and My Bloody Valentine 3-D, Jaime is no stranger to the horror genre and knows how to master being terrified and looking pretty at the same time.

6. Imogen Poots (Fright Night)

Imogen Poots may be young, but she proved in this year’s remake to Fright Night that she had far more sex appeal than Amanda Bearse (which honestly is not a huge achievement) did in the original and I’m sure many horror geeks are looking forward to her next slasher role.

5. Rose Byrne (Insidious)

Rose Byrne has definitely proved she has A-list star power and although she made audience aff members laugh with her snotty role in Bridesmaids, she also managed to show off her good looks and her vocal chords in the supernatural thriller, Insidious.

4. Mary Elizabeth Winstead (The Thing)

This Canadian-loving American woman has been in plenty of horror films in her young career and now she is proving she has staying power by being in cast in “final girl” roles. Although she may be covered in The Thing, she is still as attractive as she was in Death Proof.

3. Hayden Panettiere (Scream 4)

The former Heroes star proved to fans everywhere that hot female horror geeks do exist when she played Kirby, the horror fanatic in Scream 4. Her short haircut and midriff tops definitely got a lot of attention and I have no doubt in my mind that she will be back in the next sequel.

2. Amber Heard (Drive Angry 3-D and The Ward)

Despite the fact that Amber Heard is openly gay, that doesn’t stop men from fantasizing about her 24/7 and they had plenty of Amber to see this year when she starred alongside Nicolas Cage in Drive Angry and battled the supernatural in John Carpenter’s The Ward.

1. Neve Campbell (Scream 4)

It was great to see Neve Campbell back in Ghostface action this year and even better to see this 38-year old beauty is still sporting her natural looks and has avoided the botox. Looking forward to the sequel and hopefully they make her the killer this time round.

Who Are Your Favorite Scream Queens from 2011? Comment Below!

Avoid having sex with "Aunt Flo"

Have you ever wanted to have some xxx fun with your partner but “Aunt Flo” has come to town? Aunt Flo is a messy bitch who doesn’t seem to care if it’s your anniversary, vacation or booty call session you have been looking forward to. In case some of you have been living in a cave for most of your adult lives, “Aunt Flo” is an euphemism for a woman’s period and she always seems to pop up at all the wrong times.

Now there are some courageous people who have no problem penetrating a hemophiliac vagina, but if you are like me, you try your hardest to avoid being a statistic of enduring “red wings” and “crime scene sex situations. However, there are ways to avoid the bloody mess “Aunt Flo” brings while having sex and I will give you some tips and methods on how to beat her at her cockblocking game.

1. Sea Sponge Tampons

There is nothing less sexy than seeing a string coming out of the place you want to invade, and with the help of sea sponge tampons, you can have your woman insert this tampon inside her without the fear of seeing the string and the bloody mess afterwards. There’s also bonus points for not feeling it during sex. It’s also reusable, but I wouldn’t recommend doing that because even the thought of reusing a sea sponge tampon disgusts me and will probably disgust your partner if you chose to do so.

2. Soft Cup

The Soft Cup is a remarkable feminine product that was strictly created for non-messy period sex. Sure, women could use it as a substitute for pads and tampons, however I don’t see many women wanting to stick a plastic cup inside of their vaginas every few hours on their menstrual cycle. (Who’s got time for that?) Just make sure to have gentle sex with this method, because hard pounding may cause the cup to spill and you don’t want that to happen. You really, really don’t.

3. Diaphragm

Just like sea sponge tampons and soft cups, diaphragms can also collect menstrual flow while leaving room for penetration. It’s also a great form of birth control! You kill two birds with one stone with this one.

4. Shower Sex

Shower sex is usually the easiest way of dealing with non-messy period sex. By wearing a condom also, you will avoid any of the mess and will be clean afterwards too. Just don’t look down while you’re going at it. You will quickly feel like Janet Leigh in Psycho if you do so.

What's Not Said

While good communication is key for two people trying to keep a relationship together, it’s not just what’s said between them that can be important to the romance. As people grow together there should be a certain telepathy to one another’s needs, hurts and triumphs that don’t have to be articulated; when one partner can sense the other having the obligatory bad day, when one person has the good sense to leave the other alone.

This unspoken understanding should exist in a couple’s

There are times when dirty talk fuels the bed time, others when silence is golden and still others when one partner lies open and vulnerable to the other, spewing all manner of admissions and promises. Then there are the times when one lay with their lover aching that their lover will read them enough, know the undulant movements and roll and shuck of hip, flush of genitals, hear a moan in such a specific way they will be taken further, their limits pushed, maybe a startling new kink introduced neither partner has discussed.

What makes sex sexy is not what we ask for or cajole our partner to try but that which they conclude on their own, that which comes whole-cloth from their head and loins, that which they have been entertaining that might very well gibe with what we have been wanting. An organic discovery of hopes and dreams, commonalities and sexual compatibility makes an adult dating relationship ever stronger.

Many couples find their explorations through watching porn together, others swing with couples who might introduce some sexual ideas-beyond swinging-to add a little spice into the bedroom, still other partners allow one another some off-time explorations, some moments of play at parties or play-spaces where they can at once keep an eye on one another and simultaneously be aroused at what they see their significant other get up to.

There are just as many people who take admissions of their sexual need as part of their sex play while still others cannot articulate what they need nor do they ever want to, preferring their kinks be found out or introduced by their significant other.

Communication can exist on many levels and take on so many varied forms; the main thing is though that lovers keep communicating.

How To Give Her Mind Numbing Orgasms

One will never know when I woman is being sincere when she has an orgasm because so many woman are admitting to faking them! So the question in every mans mind is; how can I know for certain that she’s not faking it?

Let’s first start with a few facts about women:

• 70% of women have never had an orgasm with a man.


• 25% of men will get turned down by their own lovers over half the times. These men have women who think sex is a chore.


• Nearly 50% of men have partners that will never ask for sex.


• 92% of women will fake orgasm just to get it over with. Therefore, what most men are doing simply isn’t working.

If you are one of these men who find it difficult to give their dating partner an orgasm, then you need to resort to giving her a clitoral orgasm. This is also known as a G spot orgasm and you’re first off going to have to know where it is in order to simulate it.

It’s crazy how many women have never had an orgasm. Then there are the lucky ones who only enjoy an orgasm once every few years. Just imagine yourself only having an orgasm a few times a year! That would be the end of the world.

If you really want an in depth look at how to give your woman reoccurring orgasms, then you should definitely take a look at a book called the Female Orgasm Black Book. It has everything that you need to know from A to Z when it comes to giving orgasms. For example:

• Why being a great pick up artist doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be a stud in bed.


• How to tell if she is faking it and how to tell if it’s real.


• A simple short cut on how to know exactly how she wants to be touched.


• How to create a setting in your home that will make her want to have sex.


• The best positions that will give her an orgasm.


• The most common female orgasm problems and how to fix it.

So, once you get this book and you read it and do everything it tells you too, be prepared to have a lot of sex. You’re partner will not want to go back to having sex once every 3 to 6 months. She is going to want you to work her magic on you every chance you can and carry out her adult fantasy!

20 Facebook Profile Turn Offs

Facebook unfortunately plays such a big role in everybody’s adult dating lives these days. However, the fairer sex are more cutthroat when it comes to bad Facebook etiquette especially when it comes to inappropriate Facebook profile pictures. It’s okay when you are tagged, because you have no control of what is posted, but if you deliberately post an inappropriate picture as your profile photo, you are sending a clear message to the ladies who are interested in you. If you’re a guy and are currently guilty of posting profile photos that are described in the following list, take them off immediately if you ever want to get laid again.

1. Doing Shots

2. A Picture of You Passed Out in a Drunken Stupor.

3. Wearing a Bandanna. (2001 called, they want their look back.)

4. Wearing a T-shirt with the word “f*ck” on it.

5. Sporting massive sunburn. (Oompa Loompas aren’t hot.)

6. Standing in between two overly-tanned Go-Go girls at a club.

7. Wearing a fake mustache. (*If not for a party or an acting role.)

8. Fist pumping.

9. Holding a cigarette and a red plastic cup.

10. Flipping the Bird.

11. Picture of you chugging with a beer bong.

12. Wearing a Halloween costume months after October.

13. Posing at a Drake concert.

14. Not wearing a shirt. (No girl wants to date “The Situation.”)

15. Doing the international signal for “eating out” with your tongue and fingers.

16. Wearing a black shirt with a white crusty substance on it.

17. Wiping white crusty substance from your nose.

18. Wearing sunglasses at night or indoors. (You affected hipster, you!)

19. Using Breaking Bad stills as your picture.

20. Wearing guyliner.

Plans For First 3D Porn

If I could think of anyone’s ultimate adult fantasy I would have to say it would be 3D porn. A director names Tinto Brass has announced plans to make the world’s first 3D xxx film.

He plans to revisits an abandoned project about a Roman emperor that was ruined by Americans, suggesting that the film will be a remake of Caligula.

The 1979 film which starred Helen Mirren was a collaboration between Brass and the Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione. It also starred the late John Gielgud and Peter O’Toole.

A US author names Gore Vidal, who wrote the original script, was very prominent on distancing himself from the infamous film, that he even took legal action and had his name removed from the project.

The film will be surrounded around the “ride” and fall of Roman Emperor Gaius Caesar Germanicus, also known as Caligula, played by british actor Malcolm McDowell. Rumor has it, the original scrip comes from a bastardized version of Anthony Burgess’s (of Clockwork Orange fame) “KIngdom of the Wicked,” originally inked for a TV mini-series.

When it came to the final cut of the film, Italian director Brass and Guccione had a falling our over the final cut because Gucionne secretly added a number of explicit sexual scenes in post-production. He went on to defend his decision by saying that he wanted to film to reflect the reality of pagan Rome.

After there was such an uproar over the film’s xxx rated scenes and explicit content, an edited version was produced. Both versions can be found and are available on DVD.

The 3D version, which will only be directed by Brass, will be the first 3D film made in Italy and will begin shooting

Take Risks In Dating, Get Rewards

Three of the Single No More singles are stepping out of their comfort zones to meet new people -- and one, the self-described cynic, has considered quitting. It's Thursday, which means it's time for another update from the four metro Detroiters Free Press is helping to find dates.

Loretta Green, a 32-year-old college librarian from Detroit, has had a few dates with a single parent she met online -- casting aside her rule of not dating men who have children. The relationship coach the Free Press hired helped her reach this decision to broaden her options. "What used to be my type hasn't worked in my favor," Loretta says. She's feeling a connection with him. "This makes me ask my closest friends many questions: 'How long should you date before it is serious? What are the rules when starting a relationship? ...Why do some people fall in love so quickly?"

Maureen Rose, a 43-year-old automotive manufacturing supervisor from Rochester Hills, took a risk last week. While having a drink with girlfriends, she spotted a handsome man at the bar. "I ordered him a drink, then went over and introduced myself. We talked about 30 minutes before I had to leave. I gave him my e-mail address. ... I received an e-mail from him reiterating that he just moved back in town and that he had to get himself financially situated before he could reciprocate and ask me out for a drink. Was that a nice way of saying, 'No, thanks?' "

Randall Walker, a 31-year-old 401(k) consultant from Royal Oak, has had two dates with a woman who contacted him through the Free Press. Their first date for coffee went well. For their second date last weekend, Randall drove to Lansing, where she lives. The optimism he felt when he first encountered her faded: "I just don't feel like there's a connection with her and me right now. ... She's applying for her PhD ... and has a full-time job where she splits her time between Flint and Ann Arbor. If we were to start up a relationship, then I know that it'd be extremely tough."

Pat Moylan, a 53-year-old neuropsychologist from Northville, is conflicted about the Single No More project. She finds the group sessions with the dating coach uninteresting. And she's also felt she doesn't fit in because she's older than the other participants. But then she talked to other women her age who said they've been monitoring her progress through the newspaper. "I've been cheered on by a lot of women over 50. ... I'm just surprised how many people say, 'I'm rooting for you, Pat.' "

Adult Dating Site Asks 'Are You Hot Enough?'

Jason Pellegrino (an 8.2 on the attractiveness scale) says the problem with Internet dating services is not enough really hot-looking people.

So he and a business partner have created HotEnough.org, a sort of online version of Studio 54, the exclusive '70s disco where gaining admission was a pitiless Darwinian exercise. HotEnough.org is for "fit, good-looking" people.

Prospective members must submit pictures and must be rated an 8 or higher by people already in the club. Once they are in, they are permitted to e-mail other "hotties" for $9.95 a month.

"It's definitely hard to get through that rope, but once you're in, you're in and you're part of the party," Pellegrino said. "But you know there's going to be a lot of people outside waiting."

The 33-year-old said he and his partner, Sean Cohen, created the site after concluding that Internet dating sites attract a lot of brave and desperate people but not particularly attractive ones.

A few months after its launch, membership is just under 1,000, Pellegrino said. In the beginning, only 8 percent of those who applied made the grade, but now about 25 percent of applicants do, he said.

Candidates must send in three pictures, including one full-body shot. Active members rate the pictures online without knowing anything else about the people in them.

"People can say that the site is shallow, they can say it's superficial, but I think we're all a bit superficial when it comes to dating," Pellegrino said.

One of the "hotties" accepted into the club is Jimmy Ziomek, a 29-year-old from New York City who rated an 8.2. Ziomek, who said his job in real estate keeps him from going out much, has blue eyes and light brown hair and goes to the gym four to five times a week.

Using HotEnough.org "saves time and it does the searching for you, narrows it down to the people that you are interested in meeting," he said.

Among those who did not make the cut was Jeanette Ponder, a 28-year-old Internet blogger from East Orange, New Jersey who considered herself an 8 or 9. She said she applied because she thought it would make a good story.

"I got rated at like 5.7," she said. "When you put yourself out there in any situation, even if it's one which you're not taking seriously, it's going to sting."

But she also reasoned: "You cannot make a relationship by being arm candy."

Like it or not, HotEnough.com operates according to a principle that watchers of the singles scene have long recognized: "People tend to end up with partners who match them in physical attractiveness," said Margaret Clark, a professor of psychology at Yale University.

Pellegrino, whose day job as a project manager for a construction company in Maplewood leaves little time for dating, has brown eyes and a bright smile, goes to the gym at least three times a week and gets his stylish haircut touched up every two weeks. He was happy to make it onto his own Web site.

"I see myself more in like the 7.5 range," he said.

Online Dating Or Prositution?

I recently came across a dating website for people looking for "mutually beneficial arrangements." The site connects "Sugar Daddies" with "Sugar Babies." Basically, it promotes arrangements where young women date older men in exchange for expensive gifts. This is what you need to do, if you want to take four vactions a year. Unlike other dating websites, profiles of Sugar Daddies (and Sugar Mommies) list the person's annual income and net worth; for example, "ActionDaddy" is worth $750,000 to $1,000,000. The profiles of Sugar Babies list how much each expect from their Sugar Daddies (or Mommies). "Foxy Kat" expects between $3,001 and $5000 a month from her Sugar Daddy. She asks, " I'm looking to make YOUR world a better place… Do YOU want to do the same for Me?" She makes it sound so simple, doesn't she?

The website helps us with some clarifying definitions:

Sugar Daddy: n. Slang. A wealthy, usually older man who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for intimacy or companionship.

Sugar Mommy: n. Slang. A wealthy, usually older women who gives expensive gifts to a young person in return for intimacy or companionship.

Sugar Baby: n. Slang. A young person who gives intimacy or companionship to an older man or woman in exchange for expensive gifts.

According to the website, this is a very natural dating arrangement. "Let's face it… It's human nature for older men to want the younger and more attractive women. It's also natural for younger women to seek out men who are successful, specifically those who have the means of providing a woman with comforts and luxuries."

I did a little more research to see just how "natural" this arrangement was. I trolled the Craigslist personal ads and found hundreds of ads looking for "sugar babies," "sugar daddies," and "mutually beneficial arrangements." It seemed as though most of the sugar daddies were looking to help out college students in particular, who perhaps have the desire to live lavishly but do not have the time for a traditional job. When I did a little more research on who these sugar daddies were, they were more often than not busy businessmen in their 30s and 40s, who claimed to simply not have time for a traditional relationship. They were willing to pay in order to have the convenience of some no-muss, no-fuss company -- often sexual company. These arrangements were also pretty common in the gay personal ads as well.

Now, this seems all well and good. I once dated someone who showered me with gifts. It's not a bad deal. Of course, that was a "relationship" and not an "arrangement." But the question remains: where do we draw the line between a "mutually beneficial arrangement" beneficiary and whore?

The dictionary defines "prostitute" as:

pros/ti/tute: -noun
1. a woman who engages in sexual intercourse for money; whore; harlot.
2. a man who engages in sexual acts for money.
3. a person who willingly uses his or her talent or ability in a base and unworthy way, usually for money.

So, is this "mutually beneficial arrangement" NOT prostitution because these "sugar babies" are receiving gifts instead of hard cash? Or is it because sex is negotiable within an "arrangement?"

According to an anonymous Sugar Baby quoted on SeekingArrangement.com, "Who doesn't want to be spoilt and pampered? The truth is many of my girlfriends want to find a sugar daddy."

I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around this. On the one hand, what a great idea! I am young, attractive, and available. Therefore, I deserve to be paid for my attentions. How easy it could be! That new digital camcorder I've been wanting -- POOF! It's mine! All I had to do was spend some quality time with a rich older gentleman. I suppose I can understand this Sugar Baby's point of view.

On the other hand… She's getting paid for her attentions. The Japanese Geisha is the only other example of this I can think of, and even they were occasionally paid for intercourse. And yet, these Sugar Babies haven't been schooled in the fine art of entertaining gentleman. The only thing they have going for them is youth, looks, and maybe naivety. This just doesn't seem right. It seems like prostitution. And let's not forget that even consensual prostitution is still prostitution. But is consensual prostitution fine and dandy? Or is it wrong because it's illegal? Is it wrong even if it were legal? Or is it still fine and dandy if it isn't legal, but everyone is happy with it? Is this simply a business transaction; exchanging one good for another to the benefit of both parties? Or is it just an after-school job? It does sound a little more exciting than Aramark, albeit much, MUCH less safe.

Regardless of one's personal beliefs about the exchange of sex for money, I would not recommend this type of arrangement to anyone. Especially if it were formed over the internet. First of all, your "sugar daddy" could be a serial killer. Second, if you were getting paid handsomely by this individual, I am pretty sure it would be hard to say no when they ask you to do something you don't want to do. I tend to believe that sex is emotionally safer and most enjoyable when based on trust and respect, not money. The whole thing should set off an internal "sketch" alarm, because in the end, one has to wonder what kind of person chooses to buy a fake relationship rather than forge a real one?

Why Women Like Ugly Men

In a study which unlocks the secrets of attraction, psychologists have explored how evolution has affected what's hot and what's not in the modern mating and dating game.

For many, it will come as little surprise. Women don't necessarily go for physical appearance but, rather, power, wealth and status.

"It's not that looks don't matter to women; they simply matter less than other things - in particular, signals of money and security," psychologist and author Viren Swami found.

The study, contained in his book The Psychology Of Physical Attraction, also found that we're a shallow bunch when it comes to waistlines.

People involved in an accident are far more likely to be rescued if they are of a normal weight than their underweight, or overweight, peers.

And when it comes to attracting men, it's not slimness but the WHR - waist-hip ratio - that is important.

Co-author Adrian Furnham said the lower the WHR the better, with female figures such as those of Scarlett Johansson and Marilyn Monroe the most desirable.

Mr Furnham said society had changed from valuing beauty as rugged Tarzan types to perfectly polished Brad Pitts.

"We've all evolved to find other humans attractive. But the cues for recognising beauty have changed over the years.

"We still look out for things like signs of health; a symmetrical face is attractive because people associate it with healthy people who produce healthy children.

"These days, we judge people first by their body size and then by facial characteristics.''