How To Sh*t Where You Eat With A Little Grace

If you’re looking to improve how you handle your adult dating situation, take the following steps if you’re thinking about shitting where you eat.

1. Meet Hot Neighbour.

2. Run into hot neighbour at the elevator.

3. Have a deep conversation about your favorite HBO show with said neighbour.

4. Add neighbour on Facebook.

5. Poke him or her on Facebook.

6. Exchange phone numbers.

7. Set up a friendly lunch date.

8. Run into neighbour again while looking hot as all hell.

9. Go out to bar with hot neighbour after work.

10. Drink and talk about sexual things with neighbour.

11. Make out on the sidewalk with neighbour.

12. Send dirty text to neighbour when you get home.

13. Consider changing your Facebook Status.

14. See sexy wall post from a hot single on neighbour’s wall.

15. Decide dating your neighbour is a horrible idea after they tell you they don’t want anything serious right now.

16. Become friends with neighbour.

17. Suggest you go out to a friendly lunch with neighbour.

18. Suggest they come back to your place for a night cap with neighbour.

19. Drink a whole bottle of wine with neighbour.

20. Have amazing sex with neighbour.

21. Try to keep yourself busy when your neighbour hasn’t called in three days.

22. Run into neighbour on the elevator with his new conquest on Sunday morning.

23. Cry on your friend’s couch for hours and talk about your neighbour.

24. Avoid Neighbour.

25. Drunk dial neighbour.

26. Hang up before neighbour anwers.

26. Avoid neighbour some more.

27. Post Crazy Cat Eharmony video clip on his Facebook wall nonchalantly to show how funny you are.

28. Run into neighbour. Limit conversation to cats and Youtube.

29. Watch neighbour run away.

30. Move.

What’s the lesson to this tale of woe? You can never shit where you eat and still maintain your dignity. Just don’t it.

A Sex Strike Can Reignite Passion

I know what you thinking: How can withdrawing from sex possibly help your adult dating life? Once you are in a committed relationship, the anticipation and yearnings start to fade after a while. You know every thrust timed down to a millisecond and the orchestrated orgasm moans start to sound as familiar as a laugh track on a Friends episode.

You can read all the Cosmo magazines you want, but the only way to truly reignite the spark in a monogamous relationship is to simply refrain from doing it for a short amount of time that is.

To do this, set a sex strike date to your relationship and inform your partner that the metaphorical chastity belt is going on for at least a week. In this week, you must test your limits and find ways on how not to give into temptation and here are some fun ways on how to do so:

1. Talk About Sex

Just because your loins are on lockdown, doesn’t mean your lips have to be. Leave your significant other dirty and explicit notes and texts on how much you can’t wait for the expiry date of your sex strike and them what you plan on doing to them in the near future. Tease your partner by calling them in the middle of the day and reassure them that you plan on keeping your sexual promises to them. By keeping your mind engaged, your bodies will be aching for each other like it was the first time again.

2.Take Time To “Love” Yourself

Bring out the AA batteries and hand lotion because during this week, it’s imperative you take care of yourself. You won’t be re-igniting the spark if you only last two seconds in bed after a lengthy sex strike, so take this time out to engage in some fairly arousing solo play. Do things you wouldn’t normally do. Watch some racy adult films and experiment by buying a new vibrating toy. Make sure your partner knows what you’re doing so they can feel guilt-free from taking care of themselves as well.

3.Bone Up On Your Studies

Take this time off to do some extra xxx credit at home by going to your local bookstore and reading erotic books on sex positions, Kama sutra and the art of Tantra. You can even take a class or workshop to help improve your skills as a lover. Practice makes perfect and when your sex strike is off, you can surprise your partner with everything that you learned.

If you do everything on this list, then your sex strike will only be full of rewards and your sex life should be right on track again! Good luck!

How To Properly Call Dibs On A Guy

In your adult dating life, there are times when you see an incredibly hot guy with all your girlfriends. As immature as it may be, sometimes calling “dibs” is crucial to your own happiness in regards to your love and sex life.

So why do we call dibs on a potential love interest like we would a front seat of a car? It’s because we know who are we attracted to right away and we especially know when our girlfriends are equally as attracted to the same person to. By staking our claim into a new fella before your friends can, you are doing the best to deflect drama. However, there are some rules you need to learn about calling dibs, because in order for the act to be accepted, there is a certain etiquette you must follow to get what and who you want.

Don’t Call Dibs On Looks Alone

If you see a hot guy across the bar, the best thing to do is to haul ass and approach him before you call dibs on him. You shouldn’t base your attraction on looks alone. You might find out he’s dumber than a doornail. Get to know your crush before staking your claim in him.

Don’t Be A “Dibs” Whore

It’s okay to call dibs from time to time, but don’t overdo it or you run the risk of losing friends and starting fights. Be selective with your choices and only call dibs on someone you truly believe you share a magnetic connection with.

Avoid A Dibs World War

If both of you and friend call dibs on the same guy at the same time, just bow down and let her have this one. No stranger is worth breaking up your friendship over.

Don’t Get Jaded If He Likes Your Friend More

So you called dibs and approached the guy, but he’s more interested in your friend. Be a good sport and don’t stand in the way of your friend’s happiness. Who knows? It might make for a terrific opening for your speech if they get married.