Adult Friend Finder Online

One that you might want to keep around for a bit. Hey, you might even meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Even though I’ve made most of this book about meeting women, I don’t feel that it would be complete without at least a few ideas on how to keep a woman attracted to you for the long haul.

But first of all, here’s my take on why relationships fail:

When you first start dating someone you really like, the body releases a combination of chemicals that are quite literally intoxicating. These chemicals cause you to want to be with that person all the time, stay up all night talking to them, and have sex with them three times a day.

But twelve to eighteen months later, the chemicals change. The intoxicating chemicals are replaced by ‘stability’ chemicals. The ‘stay-up-all-night-can’t-be-away-from-her-have-sex-three-times-a-day’ feeling goes away and the ‘let’s-settle-down-and-have-two-kids-and-buy-a-minivan’ chemicals take over. Deal with it. (If you want to understand this process better, read “The Alchemy of Love and Lust” by Theresa Crenshaw.)

So now that you know this, how do you keep this whole thing from turning into an episode of “All in the Family”?

Well, the short answer is, keep up the fun, interesting, unpredictable behaviour. Notice the details. Do thoughtful things.

Here’s something that I’ve learned in life: If you want to get back more than you give, then play the stock market. It’s not gonna happen in relationships. In fact, if you want to get a lot back, you’re probably going to have to give even more.

Most people are selfish and say, “I’m not going to give more than I get.” But instead of getting a lot, all they get is old and unhappy. I’ve found that it’s much better to give a ton and get back a lot in return, not caring about the fact that I didn’t get as much as I gave than to give little or none and get back little or none.

Relationships aren’t like investing. If you want a lot, get used to giving more. But it’s worth it in the end, because love, attention, humour, and fun aren’t like money. If you give them out, you don’t have less. You have MORE. Get it?

Now that you’ve read this book, you probably have that same feeling that I had when I first learned all of this amazing material. You’re probably excited.

Well, there’s more.

If you are ready to take your education to the next level and advance at a faster pace, then you need to listen to, read, and watch my other programs. They take this foundation and expand the concepts both wide and deep... and show you tricks and shortcuts for everything from approaching women to taking things to a physical level.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Two Ways Women Think About Men And How You Can Control

This I believe that women see men with whom they get involved as either ‘long-term relationship’ material or ‘sex’ material. You have to make the choice about which category you’d like to be in. By the way, if you get involved sexually, you can usually extend that for as long as you’d like.

If, on the other hand, you don’t get involved sexually but you still buy her dinner, call her all the time, and pursue her, there’s a good chance that you’ll NEVER get involved with her sexually.

Many, if not most guys, think that if they play the dating game that they’ll wind up ‘getting some’ eventually. This just isn’t so. I’ve met so many women who say, “Well, I have this guy that I let buy me things and take me out, and I have this other one that’s my sex toy.”

Now, admittedly this isn’t all women. But believe me when I tell you that if you get on the ‘friendship’ program, you’re very likely to stay there. And the friendship road is

paved with gifts and dinners.

Trust me. If you do too many things for her, you’re going to spend a lot of time and $$$ and most likely never wind up with anything to show for it other than a curious dry feeling just below your abdomen.

For the record, I really do like e-mail communication better than phone communication. I get probably 4 out of 5 women that I e-mail to write back, as opposed to maybe 1 out of 2 or 3 calls returned the first time.

I write and say, “Hey, it was nice meeting you last night… what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me.”

If they don’t answer that one, I write back a couple of days later with, “What, playing hard to get already? Nice. Talk to me.”

I get most of them e-mailing me back by this point.

When they do, I say, “What’s your # and when’s a good time to reach you?”

Now, here’s why I do this… Duh! When I e-mail them, for some reason they feel like we’re friends because we’ve e-mailed back and forth… don’t ask me to explain it… it’s taken me two and a half years to figure it out.

They also return your calls after you’ve e-mailed them a couple of times… again, don’t ask me why, some freaky chick thing.

OK… so now I’m on the phone with them (either because I’ve e-mailed them, or because I just got a number and called). I want to get together with them for about 30 minutes and see what they’re like as a person and decide if they’re someone who I’d like to know better.

I’ll tell them that I was about to go do something (to remind myself and let them know that I have a life) and then say, “Well, let’s see… what’s your schedule for the next few days? (I choose a time based on her reply…) Why don’t we get together tomorrow at about four. Do you know where the blah blah blah coffee shop is? Great… if we get along, then maybe we can go for a bite to eat… but you know, coffee is a safe bet… this way, if you’re scary in person, I can say, “Oh, hey… um… I just remembered that I have to go floss my cat… it’s really important…” and then we can call it a night.”

This makes them laugh, but it also gets them thinking, “Who the hell is this guy to be qualifying me?” which is perfect.

Next, I tell them, “The coffee place is close to my house so why don’t you just meet me at my place, ring the bell, and I’ll come out and we can go… this way if you’re a few minutes early or late, I don’t have to be waiting.” (I got this idea from a friend of mine.)

Then I say, “Now, let me ask you this… what are the chances that you’re not going to show up tomorrow? <Let her answer> Because one of my pet peeves is people that are late or flaky. I can deal with a lot of things, but I’m always on time where I say I’m going to be, and I never have an excuse or don’t show up… so I just wanted to make sure… because if there’s one thing that could end our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness.” This sets the right tone for flaking, as you can see.

***HERE COMES THE KILLER!

Next, when we’re getting ready to hang up, I say something like, “Great, it’s going to be nice to get to know you better. And if nothing else, we can just be FRIENDS.”

It’s taken me and a good friend of mine a long time to get this piece. From here on out, I constantly drop hints about just ‘being friends’ and how I really ‘like her as a friend’ and how ‘it’s nice to meet someone that I like as a friend’.

Trust me on this one… this messes them up soooooo hard that they literally don’t know what to do.

This is most likely the first time IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE that this has happened to them. It continually triggers their insecurity and makes them wonder why

they’re not attractive enough to you. It also disarms them completely. (You have to really possess the mindset that you are qualifying them and that they’re going to be your friend for this to work)

I personally like to use the friendship jargon because I have decided that it’s better to enter any new relationship in a ‘NOT NEEDY’ frame of mind. Talking about being friends reminds ME to pay more attention and to remember that I don’t need anything and to stay focused on learning.

More Nuggets of Gold

Always end conversations, meetings, and phone calls first.

I got this idea from the book “The Rules” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider...You remember that book that was written about how to get a man to marry you? Well, it’s a great book. But I don’t think the authors would like the reasons why I think it’s great. I take all of ‘the rules’ and turn them around. When you play the games that women often play, you will not believe the responses you’ll get.

registration adult friend finder

Now, I used to be against any kind of ‘game playing’. I still don’t like lies, cheating, general dishonesty, or manipulation. BUT, when you use these things in the right way, it becomes kind of a ‘game’ that women LOVE to play. It’s strange, but women love to tease and be teased. And if you don’t take this stuff too seriously, you can have some real fun.

But, I digress... The reason to end conversations, calls, and meetings first is that it does two things: First, it says, “I’m not a needy guy, and I have things to do. I’m

busy and if you want me, you’re going to have to work to get me.”

Second, it sets up a situation where YOU are in control of the situation. If you start doing this with EVERY call, EVERY meeting, and EVERY conversation, you will be

blown away by the responses you’ll get.

You’ll have women say, “What? But we’re having so much fun...!”, “Well, when can I see you again?”, or “Don’t you like me?”

By the way, don’t take the bait when they say these things! Say, “Of course I like you, and of course I’m having fun – but I’m busy and I have things to do. So call me tomorrow and maybe I can get together with you at the end of the week.”

I LOVE THIS!!! Love it! Love it! Love it!

And women love it too. As much as you might think it’s cruel and unusual punishment, women love nothing more than to go home wondering, “Does he love me? Does he like me? Will he call me? Did he have fun?”

I know, I know... sounds too bizarre to be true, but trust me. Tease and do these things, and you’ll find that they’ll work like a charm... plus have the added bonus of

being damn fun!

***I have to insert here that I’ve given this advice to many needy man who have rejected it whole heartedly. They continue to act needy and not let women go at the

end of the night, when talking on the phone, etc. By not making themselves scarce and unusual, they make themselves valueless. Don’t make the same mistake

yourself.

Another one that I use often is ‘Don’t say caring and affectionate things directly – but say them indirectly’. Women have a love for metaphors, demonstrations,

stories, gifts, etc.

For instance, saying, “You’re beautiful” 12 times a day isn’t attractive, but writing a poem that says it and leaving it somewhere as a surprise is very attractive.

Also, if I’m appreciating something about a woman, I point to a specific part or thing or detail. Women love it when you NOTICE things.

This reminds me of a very important point: Women LOVE it when you THINK about them. If you say, “I was thinking about you, so I wrote you” the woman will have something inside go ‘click’! I believe that women like gifts not because they have value, but because they say, “I was thinking about you, I have these feelings for you, and this gift is a symbol for them.”

Does this make sense to you?

I didn’t think so. It didn’t to me, either. But IT’S TRUE. So start telling women that you were thinking about them, that you were remembering times with them, and that something reminded you of them. If you do this, you don’t have to buy gifts anymore! They know you’re thinking about them! Nice.

Here’s something else that I’ve figured out that doesn’t make any sense at all: Women love ‘Mismatched Communication’. What I mean by this is that women like it when you’re doing one thing serious and one thing jokingly, or being verbally tough, but physically affectionate.

Let me give you a couple of examples.

If you’re talking to a woman and telling her that you think she’s beautiful, keep a very SERIOUS look on your face. This adds all kinds of drama to the situation and gives the woman something to imagine all kinds of deep meanings. (By the way, most men smile too much. Smile less when talking to women. It will keep them wondering what you’re thinking and it will help you.)

Or while kissing a woman, reach down and bite her on the neck, just a tiny bit too hard (no blood please).

One thing tender, one thing slightly violent.

Or maybe you’ve just finished holding her hand and kissing her. When she stands up, give her a spank on the ass and tell her it was because she’s such a good kisser.

The idea here is that what you’re feeling is causing you to do something IRRATIONAL. You’ve being swept away by the moment. Or you’re experiencing conflicting feelings. This leaves it to her to figure out what you’re ‘REALLY’ feeling, which women love to do.

It also makes you the most interesting, unpredictable guy she’s ever met.

You know, another thing that I’ve noticed is that women LOVE to talk about sex. Most men are not comfortable bringing up the subject with women they don’t know. But try telling a couple of dirty jokes, or talking about a sex program you saw on T.V. Most women will jump right in and start giving their take on the topic. It’s amazing. Try it.

The Dark Side Of Beauty

Underneath all of the beauty, most of these powerful women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side.

This dark side is secretly wanting a man who is in control of himself, his reality, and them.

But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves. But their unconscious knows and recognizes this desire as something that they want. They also hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) who give them everything they want, as is evidenced by the “Oh, he’s just a guy I use to buy me things and “He’s my ‘Boytoy’ kind of comments that women often make to their girlfriends.

On the topic of men giving gifts to women and buying them things: Many women will take what is available to them (even if they have to do a little manipulation for it), but they will ultimately resent and disrespect a man who gives too much to them.

As a matter of fact, to most hot women, THEIR REALITY is that men kiss up to them and give them what they ask for or demand (worst case, they have to get upset or act bitchy to get their way). AGAIN, THIS IS THEIR REALITY. Men who don’t fit this mold are often just tuned out as if they didn’t exist in order to keep this reality as pure as possible for them.

(Also, I think that many women harbor contempt for their beauty. At a shadow level, they are kept from living a real life and being closer to the real world simply because fewer and fewer people can relate to them in proportion to how ‘beautiful’ they are and make themselves. Addressing this topic when speaking to women is VERY powerful. More later.)

Men are often behaving like ass kissers because they are afraid that a woman might get upset and leave. The fact is that by acting this way, a woman is MORE likely to leave. It’s one of those paradoxes that’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. If a woman whines, a man might begin to think, “Oh, no... I need to kiss her ass or she might leave. Even though she’s being ridiculous, I have to go along with it...”

This is bad for her, for you, and for the relationship between you. Learn to never let a woman act like a Bratwithout you calling her on it (AND IN A COOL, ALMOST

INDIFFERENT WAY!)

This is very counter-intuitive, but again, we’re dealing with female human behaviour, which has roots and drives that are complex and often difficult to trace.

The solution is to NOT kiss ass or do things for them like everyone else. Be different. Expect them to pull their own weight, call them on all of their issues and messed-up behaviours just like you would a guy friend or family member (Use the same “you’re my friend and I’m saying this for your benefit” tone that you’d use with a friend), tease and make fun of their insecurities in a playful way, reframe other men who kiss their ass, and put beauty in a new light (as a curse, etc., how she can never have anyone see her for who she truly is, how every man she knows would sleep with her in a minute, and how it often leads to less inner fulfillment).

The fact is that women will sleep with rich men who kiss their asses and model-handsome guys who don’t treat them well to satisfy their PHYSICAL drives.

But overall, an average looking man who takes good care of himself and makes enough money to live comfortably who is cocky, direct, challenging, confident, funny, and in control - one who challenges her constantly and never kisses her ass EVER - will be FAR more fulfilling to a beautiful woman than the other types.

This difference is not only interesting to her, but it’s also challenging as well (something she doesn’t experience often). A man who does such will not only be able to win her body, but also her interest and fascination. It will also keep her messed up behaviours more in check while allowing you to stay more in control of the situation.

***Note: If any of this stuff sounds too far out for you, I recommend that you go out to a mall and find yourself a few really beautiful women. Then ask them to read the last few pages of this book and to tell you the accuracy of this material. If you’re a doubter, you won’t believe the responses you’ll get. I’ve asked many beautiful women about these ideas and almost EVERY ONE OF THEM has told me that this line of thinking is accurate.

You’ll also notice out in the real world that some fortunate men have the looks, fame, personality, or whatever that causes women to act naturally open and receptive to them.

If you’re one of these men, then congrats to you!

If you’re not one of these men (I’m not, so I understand what it’s like) then you have to LEARN how to get inside of a woman’s mind and heart and CAUSE her to start acting this way toward you. It may take a few minutes of conversation, or even up to an hour or so... but if you learn the skills that I’m going to teach you, you can learn how to cause women to act this way toward you, too.

Remember, attraction has different roads that lead to it. Some are easy shortcuts, but some take a little longer, present more challenges, and require more skill. But there is a structure to the process and if you learn that structure, you will be more successful.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

How Men Usually Find Women

I’ve read several books on mating and courtship behaviour among different species of animals (including humans!). The funny thing is that humans do just about

the same things as most other animals with slight variations.

Here are the main ways male animals (humans included) find females:

Some human equivalents are:

The point is that there’s nothing new under the sun. If you want to meet women, you have to:

It’s all the same game. Most men who are failures with women aren’t willing to do what it takes to be successful. That’s the bottom line. I’m going to give you the secret ingredients that attract women and invite you to combine some of them with your personality in order to attract the kind of women you’re interested in. The question is, “Are you willing to do the work that it will take to be successful?”

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Humour

Here’s how I mentally approach meeting a new woman: I’m cocky and funny, I steal their lines, I tease them, and I don’t ever give them a break.

In my opinion, your most valuable asset, no matter your looks, height, age, or income – is humour.

I don’t care if you’re four feet tall and have one eye. If you can make women laugh consistently and get those good feelings flowing through them, they’ll love you.

I decided last year to start actually STUDYING comedy, as I’ve found that people (women) respond to it better than any other thing in the whole entire universe.

So I did a bunch of research on the Internet to find the best books, and I bought about 5 or 6 of them.

One book that I read called “Comedy Writing Secrets” by Melvin Helitzer made a great point. He said that the majority of humour revolves around the CHARACTER and not the jokes.

Most of the guys that I meet who want to learn to meet women are working on the ‘jokes’ in their life and not the ‘character’. I did it for about two years myself. I tried to learn all kinds of lines and B.S.

It finally dawned on me that women were not really that concerned with all of that… they wanted a particular CHARACTER. The lines didn’t matter as long as they fit in with the character. Now that I have created this CHARACTER for myself, things are all different. Women now call me. They pursue me. They want to be around me. It’s strange, magical, and weird.

So what’s the character that they want? Good question.

I have a good friend who’s the best I’ve ever seen at picking up women in bars and having sex with them that night. Now, I do better getting numbers and following up.

But this guy is just a machine. And his whole mindset towards meeting women is to be “cocky and funny” (his words). My opinion is that women are turned off by arrogant men… UNLESS… they’re DAMN FUNNY. This magic combination will attract women like Bill Clinton attracts chubby interns. I’m following in my buddy’s footsteps.

I’ll try to summarize the character that I’ve developed:

“I know that this girl is secretly trying to pick me up… I’m going to play hard to get, make fun of her, be indifferent towards her, and generally bust her balls as much as possible. I know that she loves a guy that is so sarcastic that it makes her nervous, so I’m going to really keep the heat on… and when she starts to show any interest at all on the outside, I’m going to blow her off and make her prove to me that she wants me… so I can reject her again.”

I do crazy things, like if I’m standing next to a girl at a bar, I’ll turn to her and say in a completely serious voice, “Will you PLEASE stop touching me?” And then look

them right in the eye.

Or say, “What are you doing at a bar for godsakes? Can’t you find a nice normal guy? Or are you desperate?” All with a completely straight face.

I say things that make them actually think that I’m serious, but leave a shadow of a doubt.

Here’s what I’m looking for: If they respond in an insecure way and say, “Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t know that I was touching you”, I’ll keep it going… and say, “Well, you did. And if you’re going to keep doing it, I’d appreciate it if you’d touch a little higher.” They crack up.

If they shoot something funny back like, “Well, touchy touchy” and they know that I’m kidding, I just stay in character and say, “Yes, I don’t like being touched. So keep a foot or so between us please” and keep it going.

And yes, sometimes (not often) I’ll meet a cold one and she’ll get uptight – I just walk away.

If you’re going to do this, you have to remember to keep it going for the entire time… don’t turn into a dumb ass at the first sign of her liking you. Keep up the character, play hard to get, etc. forever!

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

How To Tease (How To Speak Woman)

When I first met one particular girl, I took her hand when she got into the car and held it for a few seconds... then took it away saying, “No hand holding this early”, as if it were her idea... then at lunch, I put out my hand for her to take it and then when she went to take it, I moved it before she touched me... then did it again... and again

saying, “No, really...”

Finally, after the meal was finished, I reached out for her hand, and she wouldn’t take mine because I had teased her so much. So I actually grabbed her hand and held it and massaged it. This was teasing and teasing...and when she finally gave up, I gave it to her.

Then, when I gave her a hug later on, she kissed me on the cheek or neck a couple of times, and I accused her of kissing me a lot, etc. (The idea is that she’s into me and she’s the aggressor.) One part of this is me doing something (holding her hand) and then accusing her of doing it (“no hand holding this early”).

This kind of behaviour, sending mixed messages, and flirting doesn’t really make sense to most men, but to women it’s magic.

Also, some women really get intrigued if you ‘figure them out’ early on in the game and have their number... and then just ‘laugh at how cute they are’ when they do things. This gets them all freaked out, as they feel like you’re in control, and they don’t know what to do next... like you know all the games they’re playing and won’t fall for any of their old tricks... this makes them nervous as they don’t have any POWER OR AMMO!

They love this, as men are hardly ever in control. And they secretly want someone who is. (It’s VERY important not to become the ‘friend/therapist’ with this information... and start kissing their ass! The idea is to use it to bust on them and not to be understanding.)

I also tell women early on that I think they’ll make a nice ‘friend’.

It’s funny to see how the friendship frame works with them, because this gets them thinking often for the first time, “Wow, maybe I just found a man who is smarter than me, knows my little games, and has higher standards than ME for once... and now he’s talking about being ‘just friends’! Oh no! Doesn’t he like me? Doesn’t he want me like all the other guys?” A key here is to always keep them guessing... never get too into them or they’ll get right into their old games, etc.

Another interesting observation that I’ve made is that women only understand CODE, not direct language.

Little boys tease little girls when they’re 8, and women still love it when they’re 28 and 48. I like to find something about them that they’re just a little insecure about and make fun of it in a way makes them wonder whether or not I’m serious.

The way I see it, women are like the Enigma machines that German U-boats used in World War II.

These machines were able to transmit messages to each other, but also able to change the codes they used each time. Women are much more interested in giving and getting subtle hints.

Telling a woman, “I really like you”, won’t be as effective as saying, “You really like me” in a teasing way. Do you understand?

I speak in metaphor and story, talk about feelings and longings, speak code, and try to never speak directly.

Let me give you a few more examples:

If you want to have sex with a woman, you could say, “Hey, why don’t we have sex?” Go ahead and try that one sometime and let me know how it works for you.

Or, you could try this... Next time you’re alone with a new woman, stand up, take her hand, and pull her up to her feet. Then give her a hug, let go, and sit back down. After she sits again, say, “I just wanted to hug you.” Later hug her again and cuddle with her. While cuddling, smell her neck and tell her how good she smells... and don’t stop. Within a few minutes she’ll be telling you how hot she’s getting.

Two different paths to the same outcome… It’s just that one happens to work about a hundred times better than the other.

Men like to go out hoping to ‘get laid’. Women like the idea of being swept away by the moment… especially when it’s a taboo thing and they shouldn’t be doing it, etc. The more unplanned things seem, the better. For instance, if she happens to wind up in your bedroom and you happen to be massaging her, smelling her, etc. it’s seen as ‘meant to be’ or something that happened in an unplanned romantic way, and therefore a good thing to get swept away by.

If you want to increase your chances of success with women, create scenarios that lead to these situations. Ask yourself, “What situation would facilitate the outcome

that I’m looking for naturally?” Remember that women like to be swept away by the moment; they don’t like to think that they’re being used.

Another fun thing I do to demonstrate to women that I’m savvy and know the language is to interpret gestures and expressions and then comment back as if they had

said something.

So for instance, if a woman looks at someone walking by, then wrinkles up her nose and gets that ‘Gross’ look on her face, I might respond with, “That’s what I was

thinking.”

Get it? I’m pretending like she actually said, “Gross” to me.

Or if a woman takes my hand, I might say, “Oh, really?”

I’m pretending like she said, “I’m attracted to you.”

Women are very expressive with their body language and facial expressions, but they often express themselves in very subtle ways.

If you can tune into these little cues and then respond with fun remarks that show you’re clued in, you’ll be rewarded. (Notice: Do not start ACTING like a woman now that you know this tip. This technique is to be used sparingly and only to let a woman ‘know that you know’ and not as your main approach when interacting with women. Many men make the mistake of learning how women act and then IMITATING them all the time. This is not what you want to do, trust me.)

The Very Attractive Women Are Approached All The Time

I’m going to remind you of something that I talked about earlier in this book: Most attractive women are approached in one way or another all the time by men.

I was watching one of Chris Rock’s stand up routines recently; Chris was telling the women in the audience that anytime a man is being nice, it’s because he’s offering sex (or ‘dick’ as he put it).

So if a guy says, “Wow, you look great!”, what he really means is, “Wow, you really look great, would you like some dick?”

And remember that ‘desirable’ women including rich women, beautiful women, and famous women, are used to being treated like queens. (It’s really no fault of theirs; even very handsome men are notorious for acting arrogant. It’s part of being human. We can all become spoiled easily if the right combination of circumstances arises. By the way, it’s good to keep a “You’re spoiled, and I don’t really blame you for it... you were just lucky to be born beautiful and have everyone kiss your ass” attitude...)

Being spoiled, these women act bratty to get their way. However, the ass kissing and always getting their way also has another effect. Since they are so used to being courted and having a man kiss their ass, when you show up, act funny and charming, and don’t play into any of their games (make fun of them, do the pretend ass-

kisser imitation, tell them that they want you, tease them, don’t answer ANY of their questions about job, car, home, social life, where you go, etc. and even label all of

those questions as, “Did you get a list of these questions like all the other shallow women around here?” etc.) it often has the effect of them thinking, “Wow, this is sure

DIFFERENT”, which gets their attention. The humour and arrogance (arrogance based on self-knowing, not on outer success) keeps their attention.

I think that it’s all about interrupting the current train of thought with some type of DIFFERENT AND INTERESTING behaviour. You can use tricks, props, or whatever, but you have to interrupt the woman and first get her attention... then you can get to the good part of doing the things that give her the FEELINGS that she wants and playing the part of the MAN that her unconscious wants.

Many experts talk of establishing rapport, acting like them, etc. initially... I’ve found that breaking rapport usually works better for me. (Rapport is the concept of breathing, moving, and talking like another person so they feel a connection with you.)

But it’s a special kind of breaking rapport that I practice. I break rapport in a funny and charming way, which actually ASSUMES rapport from the beginning. (I insult women that I don’t know in a playful way all the time. Her only real choices with which to respond internally and externally are, “This guy is a jerk - I’m outta here” or “You’ve got some balls - but you’re damn funny - and for some reason, I feel like I know you...”)

When you point out a woman’s quirks or insecurities in a way that makes her laugh, you do so many positive things at once. She can’t deny that the things you’re saying are true, BECAUSE SHE’S LAUGHING. And she can’t really hate you too much, because it’s kind of fun.

Sunday, 10 January 2010

How To Be Funny, The One Page Course

Here’s a little mini-course on how to be funny:

First, go read Comedy Writing Secrets by Melvin Helitzer. And while you’re at it, watch some good stand up comedy routines like Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, and Robin Williams. Listen to how they use word play, double meanings, exaggeration, and misinterpretation to create humour.

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It’s time to get yourself a set of standard things that you can say in some of the most common situations.

Here’s a list that I use personally and examples of instances when you can use them:

OK, there’s a list of basic things that I’ve learned regarding humour. I’d recommend that you start studying humour, read books about it, go to comedy clubs, and learn more advanced skills.

Also, start reading Maxim and Stuff magazines. Read how they always use reversal humour. This is some good funny stuff.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Thinking In Time Frames

Here’s a common problem: A man tries to impress a woman by doing things that show that he’s a good LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP kind of guy, but the woman responds by being stand-offish.

I have read some interesting research that shows that women have a few main categories in their minds in which they slot men.

These are:

Here’s the interesting part: If a woman sees a man as a good potential ‘long-term’ mate, she’ll usually hold back the sex.

On the other hand, if she gets sexually involved with a man, she’ll usually still be open to a long-term relationship.

Most men who want sex make the mistake of doing things like taking women to dinner, buying them gifts, and being romantic. This behaviour triggers the “Hey, this

guy is good long-term material” category in the woman’s mind, and they hold back sex.

But if a man does things to turn a woman on earlier in the game and she gets sexually involved, he can choose where he wants the relationship to go. Are you with me

on this one?

Go ask some men and women about this idea. They’ll report back to you what I’m telling you. Women know that if a man is doing all the big romantic things like

buying her gifts and taking her out, he is displaying ‘courtship’ types of behaviour. I mentioned earlier that women take hints very well and read into things much more than men. Unfortunately, men have no idea that their good deeds are being interpreted as long-term courtship demonstrations. Ahhhh!

So what’s the solution?

The solution is to stop doing the ‘I’m courting you’ things early on, and start by being attractive, interesting, and sexy. This puts the balance of power in your hands and puts you more in control.

I’m going to say it again: A woman will get into a long-term relationship with a man who she’s sleeping with, but she won’t be as likely to sleep with a man who’s

courting her. Get it?

Monday, 4 January 2010

More On My Way Of Looking At Things

I don’t ask women for permission to do things, and I don’t look to them to lead what’s going to happen next. I used to kind of watch what they were doing and take cues

on how to act. Now I do and say what I want and look for cues from her so I know when to bust her balls.

I spent a long time learning how to get phone numbers from women only to realize that this wasn’t the same as success. Then, I learned how to get women to come over to my house only to realize that this wasn’t the same as success. I finally realized that I have to lead the way the entire time – just like in ballroom dancing. I have to know where we’re going and lead the way the entire time.

But my most important realization is that THIS IS MY REALITY, AND SHE IS A GUEST – not the other way around. If a woman tries to play a game with me, put me

off, give me an excuse, etc. I start laughing out loud at her. At first, she doesn’t know what’s going on... but then I say something like, “Cummon... what, are you kidding?

Give me a break.”

This tells them that even their little ploys aren’t going to get by my radar – never mind into my reality. I never get upset at them or let them get to me emotionally (this is key, because if they sense that they’ve found a button, they’ll use it over and over again). As my friend Eric once said, “YOU’RE IN MY REALITY NOW.”

Let me point out that when I’m meeting women, I’m almost NEVER thinking about a ‘long-term relationship’ with them in the beginning. If I like them and later they prove to be someone that really amazes me, then this will be a possibility.

My guess is that strong, exceptional, interesting men who are in control of themselves and their realities are as rare for women as super hot women are rare for men. See where I’m going? Said in a different way, “Why do so many men settle for average or worse looking women?”

I think the logic goes both ways. I mean, I know quite a few ass-kicking men – but this is because I’ve literally spent years finding and making friends with them. Most women aren’t lucky enough to run across one. And when they do, they usually mess it up by being a bitch or uninteresting. So they just settle for whatever the best option is at the moment. And they often wind up getting comfortable in the process.

There’s another interesting point that I’ve noticed lately:

Many of the marriages that I know of that have lasted for many years (10+) have something in common: a woman that subtly controls the man. I mean, think about the plot of most romance novels: Woman meets wild man, woman tames man and lives happily ever after with her new well-behaved BOY.

So keep this in mind when you’re interacting with women.

***Because I may be coming off a bit harshly here, I want to mention something. If you could be in the room with me during my interactions with a new woman that I find interesting, you’d most likely be thinking, “This guy is funny as hell... but he’s really pushing it. I mean, he’s on the borderline of saying something that’s just too damn arrogant. But wow, the woman just seems to get more and more into him as this goes on... interesting.” You would NOT be thinking, “Wow, this guy seems to me like a womanizer who’s mean to women.”

I say this so that you understand that all of the techniques that I employ are part of the all-important ‘Character’ that I discussed earlier.

By staying cocky and funny, women will laugh their asses off, get frustrated that you’re not playing to them, and finally crack and show that they like you.

If you’re just a plain old run of the mill jerk, then none of this will work. The ‘assholes’ who get laid usually have an angle (money, fame, whatever) that they mix

with the assholeness.

Mean, self-centered people with no social attractiveness are usually out of luck.

So keep in mind the all-important ingredient: Humour.

NOTHING works for me like humour mixed with arrogance.

I also want to mention once again that I’m very flexible and in many situations, I will begin to do very sweet and thoughtful things for a woman – just on my terms.

And when it comes to sex (***big key here***) I always pay attention and learn what a woman likes. My goal is to be the most fulfilling lover that she’s had. Mix all this up with some special sauce, and you have the recipe for hot women who love to have sex with you and love you as a person as well because you’re interesting to

them.

Remember, women are not linear, logical creatures. If you do things that make sense, they will do things that don’t make any sense at all.

If you do things that don’t make any sense at all, then women will often do what you want them to do.

It’s just that you have to know exactly WHICH things to do that don’t make sense.

Make sense?

On Predictability

Don’t be predictable. Do the unexpected when they LEAST expect it.

But don’t overdo it by acting extreme too often. If you do the unexpected too much, it will come off as unstable, etc.

People in general, including women, are attracted to the novel... the unusual... the different.

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Predictability is the enemy of interesting.

If you always act predictable, then by DEFINITION you’re not interesting.

So keep doing things that are interesting and unexpected.

If she wants a kiss, say, “No.” But kiss her later when YOU feel like it. If she sits on your lap, push her off. But give her a hug later when YOU feel like it.

The Dark Side: Don’t do things that are too far out in order to be unpredictable. I said be unpredictable, not UNSTABLE. Don’t get too wild, or you’ll come across as being loopy.

Another facet of this mindset: Don’t be too friendly too early.

This includes touching and smiling. If you do either too much, you’ll mess it up for yourself.

If you act too interested too early, you’ll come across as needy. By leaning back and keeping a calm, indifferent attitude you’ll be more interesting.

I like to take this idea to its extreme by teasing and making a woman beg me for things that she wants and commit to things during times when it’s unfair (in a fun way, of course).

For instance, if she wants a kiss, tell her that you’ll only give her one if she rubs your back, etc. Use your imagination here. The idea is to do things that are unexpected and different.

To summarize, if you become too predictable, you will become uninteresting to a woman. We humans are naturally drawn to things that we cannot completely

figure out. So keep some things a mystery. Do some things that don’t make sense. Don’t be predictable.

Sunday, 3 January 2010

Personality Traits That Attract Women

In the next chapter, I’m going to describe MY particular unique personality and the ‘character’ that I become when I’m meeting women.

But before I do that, I’d like to talk about some of the different personality traits that women find most attractive. Some are better when used with others, and some don’t work well together. Here is the list with brief descriptions. I’ll talk more about combining these later.

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Funny. Humour is just plain powerful with women. If you can keep her laughing, you will go far. Intelligent and Creative. Intelligence is sexy IF it’s used in a way that’s interesting to her. Use your creativity and intelligence to surprise her with ideas, fantasies, and unexpected things that charm her. Educated. Education is attractive to women as long as it’s used in an interesting way. Some women are actually intimidated by education, which usually works in your favor. Classy and Cultured. If you have class, women pick up on it. Do your shoes and belt match? Do you understand interior design and color contrast? Do you know about different types of wine? Do you like foreign movies? Do you understand fashion? Do you like Frank Sinatra? Do you enjoy exotic foods? Do you serve her Hors d’oeuvres and a glass of wine when she visits? Do you open all doors for her? Women notice this stuff BIG TIME. Dominant. Women have an unconscious attraction to dominant men. The dominant males in some primate groups account for up to 75% of all the matings, while the less dominant males go without any. Same goes for humans. Thoughtful. Women don’t just like gifts; they like knowing that you were THINKING of them. The gift is a SYMBOL. Women feel the same amount of good inside whether it’s a card or a diamond (of course, the diamond lasts longer, so there are more ‘times of feeling good’!). But the fact is that women like to know that you’re thinking about them. Even if you’re telling a woman that you don’t like it that she was out with another guy, she’ll like it because it means you were thinking about her! Notices Significant Details. Women don’t just notice details; they USE them to try to be attractive and attentive. If she is wearing a sexy outfit, she didn’t put it on by accident. If her hair is done nicely, it wasn’t a fluke. Women are very impressed and attracted to men who notice these details. Unpredictable/Predictable. Here’s a paradox. Women are drawn to men who they can’t control or predict. They obsess over guys who flirt, give them attention, and then don’t call the next day. Predictability is only attractive when it comes to choosing a HUSBAND. Then a woman usually wants a man who’s VERY predictable. Enthusiastic, Fun, Happy. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a killjoy. Some men get upset and pout when a woman is happy and try to put down the things that she enjoys to sound superior, which is usually a HUGE mistake. Enthusiasm is infectious and attractive. Adventurous. Women are instantly attracted to men who like to do extreme, adventurous, unusual, and even dangerous things. It’s exciting. Adventurism is sexy. Aggressive. Women love men that know what they want and go after it. Passion is a sign of life. I’m not talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into date rape. I’m talking about the kind of aggressive that turns into setting a goal and then going after it with passion and getting it no matter what. Confident/Cocky. Women are magnetically attracted to men who are just a little bit too cocky. Just a little bit. This is a tough one to explain. Many men take this to mean ‘overly arrogant’, which is not what I mean. If you watch Pierce Brosnan in ‘The Thomas Crown Affair’, Clarke Gable in ‘Gone With The Wind’, or Tom Cruise in ‘Top Gun’, you’ll get an idea of what I’m talking about. The confident/cocky trait is mild overconfidence combined with humour. Drives women wild. Expertise. If you’re an expert in an area that is interesting to your kind of woman, this can be attractive. It needs to be presented from a “I know a lot about this, let me show you” perspective and not a “I’m cool and you’re not” angle. Attention. Women like attention. And interestingly enough, it’s better to hint at the attention that you’re giving them than to be too overt about it. If you say, “I was thinking about you earlier today, and I just wanted to mention that I really like the sound of your voice...” it’s much more powerful than listening to them complain about something so they think you’re paying attention. Get it? Disinterest, Indifference, a Challenge. Most women are used to being pursued by men in one way or another. If you are indifferent to a woman, make her think that you’re only calling because you’re bored and act almost disinterested sexually, they’ll often do their very best to get your attention. Different is good in this case. Again, this drives most women crazy, and even though they’d hate to admit it, it’s ultra interesting to them. Charm (attention with a polished, smooth approach). This is hard to describe. Watch a James Bond movie to get an idea. And watch ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’. Pay attention to Michael Caine’s character. Charm is powerful because it has a certain ‘prince on a white horse’ aspect to it. Romantic Imagination and Perspective. Watch the movie ‘Don Juan DeMarco’ and listen to how Don Juan interprets the world. Instead of just looking at the surface of a woman, he looks within her to find the beautiful part. A romantic imagination sees opportunities for poetic comments, interesting stories, fascinating history, and emotional interpretation in everything. Expert in Body Language. This is important, as women are constantly sending signals. I’ll talk more about this in a later chapter. Sexual Mastery. Women love sex just as much as men do. But just like everything else in life, a great lover is not easy to find. Women become instantly addicted to skillful lovers who know how to make them feel ecstasy and teach them new ways of feeling incredible.

Every woman is slightly different. There is no one magic system to which every woman responds. If what you’re doing doesn’t work, don’t throw out the system...

try it on a different woman.

The most successful men I know will tell you that they are only successful because they are able to accept ‘no’ and not take it personally. Again, unsuccessful men take a ‘rejection’ as a personal assault on their inner child. Don’t make this mistake.

So start right now. Take a moment and describe the type of woman you’d like to attract and write down the qualities that you think will attract her. Then go to work cultivating these qualities.

The idea is to create your own winning combination and then find a place to use it that offers the best chances for success. You want to come across as interesting, unique, original, and desirable.

By the way, if you don’t know what the women who you’re interested in are attracted to, ASK! That’s right, just walk up to them whenever you see one and say, “Can I ask you a question? I’m sure that you’re probably in a relationship right now, but will you tell me something... I want to know what it is that attracts a woman like you to a man. What do you look for?”

You’ll find that most of the women you pose this question to will be glad to tell you. As a matter of fact, you’ll even find that some will help you in other ways if you ask. They’ll go shopping with you, help you decorate your house, help you choose a hairstyle... everything.

But most guys are afraid to ask, or they feel like a puss because they are asking a woman for help. Do yourself a favor. If you are having trouble, get help. Women are amazingly generous when they are helping a man get his ‘attractiveness’ together.

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Let’s Be Friends

Have you ever noticed how women will say, “I like him, but only as a FRIEND.”

Don’t you hate that?

I thought about that one for a long time, and a friend of mine and I have figured out how to turn this one around. Now I always make reference to ‘making friends’ and ‘let’s get together and make friends’ and ‘if nothing else, we can be friends’ in the first conversation and when setting up the first coffee date.

Then when on the date, I talk about why I like to make ‘friends’ first to get to know the other person. “I think that you’re going to make a nice friend.”

Then, after the friendship frame is established, I flirt like hell and make sexual innuendoes and jokes. This immediately sets up the idea that I’m very in control of myself and that I’m going to JUDGE whether l want to be more than friends based on something more than JUST HER LOOKS.

This is something that a woman has most likely NEVER encountered (as you know, this is a favorite of mine).

By the way, if you talk about being friends first, it makes you remember to look past the looks and find out what kind of person you’re dealing with (If I had a dollar for every guy I know, including myself, that screwed his life up by getting too involved with a woman because she was attractive on the outside, but turned out to be a horrible person...)

You can keep up this ‘let’s be friends’ fun forever. Even after you start dating, still talk about it. It’s easy to have fun with it. You’ll see.

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

It All Comes Down To Your Skills

Having a problem? You need a new skill.

If you have some area of your life that isn’t working for you, you probably need a new SKILL.

I realized a few years ago that most people look at themselves and say things like, “There must be something WRONG WITH ME. I don’t know why. I just can’t do it.”

But, in fact, the problem wasn’t something ‘wrong’ with them; the problem was that they needed to learn a new skill or a set of skills.

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Meeting women comes down to SKILLS. If you’re having a problem in a particular area, get new skills to deal with it. For instance, if you have learned to meet women and get phone numbers, you might start having them flake out on you and not show up for planned meetings. Solution: A new skill. You need to learn the skill of getting women to meet you after making plans.

There are many parts to being successful with women, and they all work together. You may already know some of them, you might learn a few more from this book, but if you’re missing a key (like how and when to kiss a woman, for instance) you’ll still keep running into challenges.

Remember, if you’re having a challenge, you need a skill. So remind yourself of this idea, come back to this book to get the information, and then practice until you have the SKILL!

I began by creating self-image exercises based on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Timeline Therapy, and doing them all the time. (Read “Frogs Into Princes” by Richard Bandler and John Grinder and “The Secret of Creating Your Future” by Tad James for more info.)

Here’s one exercise that’s helped me tremendously:

First, I close my eyes and imagine a picture of the person that I want to become. I imagine how I’ll be dressed, the expression on my face, how I’m standing... all the details. Then, I throw that picture up into the air and have it start raining copies of it all around me for as far as I can see... into my past and future... all around me. Exercises like these sometimes sound silly, but they help direct your mind towards the person that you want to become.

One area that I’ve studies extensively is what’s commonly called ‘internal dialogue’ or ‘self-talk’. This is simply the way that you talk to yourself inside your head.

Most people are talking to themselves all day long. But most people are talking NEGATIVELY to themselves instead of talking POSITIVELY. Negative self-talk is, in my opinion, one of the primary causes of low self-esteem, giving up, and a lack of interest in even trying.

If you tell yourself something enough times, you’ll begin to BELIEVE it. This new belief will take on a mind of its own and start creating its own self-talk.

Most people who have negative beliefs also have negative self-talk that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is you, STOP RIGHT NOW.

I may be the first person that’s ever pointed this out to you, so it might sound a little strange. Or, I might be reminding you of something you already know. In any event, make a commitment to yourself to start talking positively to yourself and to be encouraging from now on. Put it on your calendar. Send yourself e-mails. Do whatever you have to do so you remember to be nice to yourself when you talk to yourself.

If you’re one of those people that likes being negative, arguing with everything, finding why things can never work for you, and why everyone is wrong, then do me and yourself a favor and delete this book from your hard drive and e-mail me to ask for a refund. You’ve made a choice to be negative with yourself, and I’m not even interested in helping you see a better way. People who have made the choice to be negative about everything are usually playing out a drama that’s beyond what I’m interested in addressing and probably beyond the power of this book to change.

If, on the other hand, you are one of the people who is willing to give new things a try and agree to begin saying things like, “I can do something if I choose to” and “I can change if I really want to”, then I think you will be successful.

The key here is to begin taking a positive mindset and talking to yourself in a positive way.

Here’s an exercise for you to do: Take out a piece of paper and write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, all the negative things you say to

yourself, and all the areas where a ‘positive’ outlook would help you. Then, start writing down positive things you can say to yourself instead and begin saying them.

Keep working on this exercise until you stop saying negative things to yourself. This could take you years like it did for me. But it’s worth it, so trust me. This one process will improve all areas of your life, so use it everywhere.

It’s also important to make mental pictures and rehearse the success that you’d like to have. As you’re going to sleep, create mental movies of yourself being successful in different kinds of situations and with different types of women. Mental rehearsal is the next best thing to actually doing something, so do it as often as you can.

If you make a mental movie of the ideal you doing the things that I’m going to teach you and review in your mind every day, you will see improvement and results. If you don’t do this part, you’ll be wondering why you can’t seem to get it right when the opportunity comes along.

Friday, 25 December 2009

Be Different In An Attractive Way

By studying marketing and sales, I’ve learned that humans are attracted to things that are unique. They are also attracted to things that are superior. So I have a phrase that I use: “Different in a preferential way.” In the mating game, it pays to be different in an ATTRACTIVE way.

What I’m about to share with you is a group of ingredients. These are the different ingredients to which women are attracted. It’s up to you to take what you have and to use this list to augment your personality in such a way that it becomes attractive to the type of women with whom you’re interested. The key is to be different in an attractive way.

But make sure that you’re not too different! If you get too carried away with this idea, you’ll be outside of the realm of ‘normal’ and you will wind up hurting yourself. So experiment and test to see what works for you.

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

How Women Test Men And Why

In my opinion, most women, especially the ‘hotties’, have gone through a learning curve here in our western culture that has on average given them a sort of ‘predictable psychological makeup’. Now, there are differences between these women… some are smart, some are not… some are tall, some are short… some are cerebral, some are physical… etc. etc. etc… but there are things that most of them have in common. I’ve made a study of these things… because this is what interests me.

At some point in their lives, hotties began to be treated differently because they were attractive. I mentioned the social psychology concept earlier called ‘The Halo Effect’. Simply stated, attractive people are assumed to be smarter, more honest, more trustworthy, etc. than others. The fact that people do whatever the hottie wants begins to blur their sense of reality and makes them believe that they can have whatever they want whenever they want it… AND THAT’S JUST THE WAY LIFE IS. (This applies in general.)