Showing posts with label Break Ups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Break Ups. Show all posts

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Can We Have Fairy Tale Endings?

Since we were little, we always assumed that our adult dating lives would be as perfect as they are in fairy tales. One day Prince Charming would come to swoop you off your feet or perhaps you would find the most beautiful girl you’ve ever met on a chance encounter. Unfortunately, many of us seem to delude ourselves that fairy tales are meant for everybody and more importantly, for the real world.

Unless you have the ability to grow hair that someone can use to climb up a castle, you should keep your expectations far more realistic and avoid comparing your love and sex lives to the lives from characters out of a The Brothers Grimm tale. Your knight in shining armor shouldn’t be someone who would save you from a burning castle. He should be someone who will cook you dinner after a rough day at work. He should be someone who can carry meaningful conversations with your friends. He should be someone who loves you even when you’re PMSing.

Your damsel in distress should be a woman who is supportive and doesn’t have Rapunzel-sized extensions running down your back. She should be someone who can handle being in a room with your alcoholic mother and not even bat an eye. She should be someone who loves you because you’re a good man and not because you make a good salary.

You can live happily ever after if you choose to live within your realistic expectations of love. If not, you will find out first hand that some times happy fairy tale endings are for stories that haven’t ended yet.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

How To Sh*t Where You Eat With A Little Grace

If you’re looking to improve how you handle your adult dating situation, take the following steps if you’re thinking about shitting where you eat.

1. Meet Hot Neighbour.

2. Run into hot neighbour at the elevator.

3. Have a deep conversation about your favorite HBO show with said neighbour.

4. Add neighbour on Facebook.

5. Poke him or her on Facebook.

6. Exchange phone numbers.

7. Set up a friendly lunch date.

8. Run into neighbour again while looking hot as all hell.

9. Go out to bar with hot neighbour after work.

10. Drink and talk about sexual things with neighbour.

11. Make out on the sidewalk with neighbour.

12. Send dirty text to neighbour when you get home.

13. Consider changing your Facebook Status.

14. See sexy wall post from a hot single on neighbour’s wall.

15. Decide dating your neighbour is a horrible idea after they tell you they don’t want anything serious right now.

16. Become friends with neighbour.

17. Suggest you go out to a friendly lunch with neighbour.

18. Suggest they come back to your place for a night cap with neighbour.

19. Drink a whole bottle of wine with neighbour.

20. Have amazing sex with neighbour.

21. Try to keep yourself busy when your neighbour hasn’t called in three days.

22. Run into neighbour on the elevator with his new conquest on Sunday morning.

23. Cry on your friend’s couch for hours and talk about your neighbour.

24. Avoid Neighbour.

25. Drunk dial neighbour.

26. Hang up before neighbour anwers.

26. Avoid neighbour some more.

27. Post Crazy Cat Eharmony video clip on his Facebook wall nonchalantly to show how funny you are.

28. Run into neighbour. Limit conversation to cats and Youtube.

29. Watch neighbour run away.

30. Move.

What’s the lesson to this tale of woe? You can never shit where you eat and still maintain your dignity. Just don’t it.