Men Tolerant Of Girl-on-Girl Cheating By Other Halves

A study out of the US has found groundbreaking research in which men are much less likely to break up with a cheating dating partner if she cheats on them with another woman, rather than another man.

This is perhaps because the gents are hoping that they could fulfill their adult fantasy and may be able to join their girlfriend and her female counterpart on the side for a steamy threesome romp session.

According to a statement announcing the research, “Men may view a partners homosexual affair as an opportunity to mate with more than one woman simultaneously. These findings are even more remarkable given that surveys show men have more negative attitudes towards homosexuality than women,” said a psychologist on the study, “however, this general trend of men showing lower tolerance for homosexuality than women is reveres in the one situation-female homosexuality.”

After having grilled 700 college students, it was found that men showed a 50 percent likelihood of continuing to date a partner who had hooked up with a lady and only 22 percent likelihood of staying with a woman if she had done the dirty with another man.

Women found homosexuality in their boyfriends less tolerable than indulgence in unsanctioned sex with another girl; though they weren’t as lenient toward any kind of affair.

Women indicated a 29 percent likelihood of continuing to date a boyfriends who had a heterosexual affair and a lower 21 percent likelihood of staying with someone who has had ahomosexual affair.

Why We Stay

Out of loyalty, for the kids and sometimes even for the

It’s all in the pay-off. It’s all about us getting what we need to get through our lives and relationship. It’s all about some sort of need we have that gets met even if in the process of meeting the need of our lover, we struggle to stay afloat.

Other people can criticize an emasculated man, but the man allows the emasculation. Her girlfriends might curse their friend’s demanding and demeaning husband, but the woman stays because in the end, even if the man cuts his woman’s self esteem to the quick, the woman is still getting something much more from staying then she imagines she would leaving.

It’s the classic Florence Nightingale Syndrome, the reason men gravitate towards needy women and why the abused stay with their abusers. The life we know fulfills some need, even if staying is not good for our general mental or physical health.

The agony of supposing a life with the need met, the habit broken, the addiction fulfilled and submerged is often so scary that even when we are full-up, done, complete with why we have stayed in the relationship we might stay longer or even search for another just like it once we leave it. Time and again we repeat patterns to either cure ourselves of what we missed somewhere in our development or because we are not yet full-up from what we need.

Nirvana Fans Are Slutty

Last week I wrote about an adult study conducted by Last.fm and Tastebuds.com that attempted to correlate musical taste with sexual easiness.

Sexual easiness, eh? As in, how likely you are to fuck quickly and without much convincing? Yup, that’s what I mean. So, yes, as I mentioned in my previous post, apparently Coldplay and Lady Gaga fans are the least likely to fuck on the first date, but I forgot to mention who were the most likely! Are you ready for the answer?! Because it will (not) blow your mind:

Nirvana fans.

Nirvana fans like to have lots and lots of easy sex. Hip, hip, xxx hooray!

A psychologist explains: “Cobain lived the rock and roll lifestyle, whereas Martin plays the conscious sweet boy role. They are normalizing very different behaviors.”

Also, does the fact that Martin’s wife is Gwyneth Paltrow and Cobain’s was Courtney Love mean anything?

Signs Your Co-Worker Is Into You

As we all know, office romances and flirting are common and majority of us have experienced mixing business with pleasure in our adult dating and career lives. If you want to know if a co-worker of the opposite sex is into you, here are some tell-tale signs:

1. They Always Have Their Eyes On You

Do you ever feel like somebody is consistently watching your computer monitor? Is it the same someone who always makes an excuse to come over to your desk and talk to you? If they seem like they are always listening to your conversations with others and if they look away when you actually pay attention to the, they definitely have a crush on you.

2. “Coincidental Run-ins”

When you go get coffee or even go the washroom, don’t be surprised to see the co-worker who likes you to go get coffee and take a bathroom break as well. These run-ins are not concidental, but merely they are excuses to talk to you privately if even for a couple of minutes.

3. No Eye Contact And Avoids You

The more intense this person’s feelings are for you, the more likely they will avoid you. They refuse to give you sufficient eye contact and will probably squirm when talking to you in front of other co-workers.

4. They Talk Incredibly Loud

No matter if your co-worker is a serene and quiet person, the second you come into the room, they will feel inclined to have you notice their witty personality and sense of humor. Everything they say is projected (even without their acknowledgement) and they are waiting for you to respond.

5. Always Go Out Of Their Way To Help You

If a co-worker likes you, they may feel seem extremely kind and try to help you on certain projects. It is not because they are doing this from the kindness of their hearts, but rather they want you to take notice of them.

6. They Take The Same Breaks You Do

They will go out of their way to take the same lunch break as you do. Sometimes they will message you when it’s time to go out on break. If you feel the need to apologize because you can’t go, then you should know how they feel about you.

7. Very Inquisitive About Your Love Life

If you are single, your co-worker may ask what you are doing on upcoming weekends, so you can hang out with them and their friends in a “nonchalant” way. However, if you are in a relationship, don’t be surprised to see them probe for snags in your relationship.

8. They Make Fun of You

Just like grade school, when somebody at work likes you, they tend to make fun of you more than compliment you. Sure, they may not pull your hair, but they will probably insult you every chance they get.

9. They Look Great

If you notice that your co-worker is wearing nice clothes and putting on their cologne before going to work, it’s most likely a tactic to get noticed.

10. None Stop Laughing and Smiling

Have you noticed that everytime you say something (even if it’s not particularly funny) your co-worker laughs and smiles? This is the most obvious sign they like you. Plain and simple.

Guaranteed R&B Panty Droppers Playlist

When you are preparing a night of love with someone you care about in your adult dating life, it is essential to have the perfect mood music. Mood music is the most effective and cost-effective way of setting the right romantic ambiance and atmosphere when it’s time for some xxx action. Being a huge soul fan, I find R&B and soul music to be the best background music when it comes to lovemaking.

Although it sounds easy to prepare a perfect playlist, the mood could rapidly change with just one wrong song. All you have to do is forget to take off your guilty pleasure like ‘I’ll make love to you’ by Boyz II Men on your iPod to embarrass yourself.

That is why I have prepared the essential panty dropper playlist for your special night. No cheesy lyrics or autotuned noise here! Explore sensual music while you explore each other’s bodies. All these songs can also conveniently be found on iTunes. So what are you waiting for? Download these songs and prepare you night of love!

1. Marathon-Raheem Devaughn and Floetry
2.Boomerang-Marcus Miller
3.Invitation-Norman Miller
4.Think Twice-Jay Dee
5.Inside-Jon.B
6.Love Ultra-Dwele
7.Sumthin, Sumthin-Maxwell
8.Chic-Raphael Saadiq feat Teedra Moses
9.Everybody loves the sunshine-Roy Ayers
10.Everyday-Jamiroquai
11.Crown Royale-Jill Scott
12.In My Bed-Amy Winehouse
13.Crush-Zhane
14.Takeuthere-Musiq
15.Sex Therapy-Robin Thicke
16.Superheroes-Esthero
17.Feel All My Love Inside-Marvin Gaye
18.Stay-Real
19.Musical Massage-Leon Ware
20.Gone Baby Gone-Erkyah Badu
21.Different-Goapele
22.Looking For the sun-Aya
23.Que Lio-Marc Anthony
24.Inside My Love-Minnie Riperton
25.Candy-Kelli Sae

No Sex, We’re Soldiers

In the history of the military, they have never been quite so squeamish about sex.

We all know that American culture is openly obsessed with sex, but the military on the other hand, is moving swiftly in the opposite direction.

This accusation of being so uncomfortable with the idea of sex has recently exploded into public view with the recent firing on the captain of the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier on the eve of its deployment to support the war in Afghanistan.

In 2006 and 2007, Captain Owen Honors starred in a series of shipboard videos in which he pantomimed masturbation and peered into the showers of men and woman who were semi clothed. Then, within 48 hours of the videos surfacing on the Internet, Honors was sent packing.

He surprisingly went willingly and about half of the 17 Navy skippers who lost their commands last year were fired for sexual dalliances. The Army and the Marine Corps have similarly adopted absolutely no tolerance policies for any kind of sexual discretion.

These days, the commanders on the battlefield are far more likely to lose their jobs for marital infidelity than for marital failings.

“With the Americans, it was quite extraordinary,” said Emma Sky, a British civilian who spent several years working as an adviser to top American commanders in Iraq,”

The military’s extreme sexlessness in the midst of so much killing is quite uncomfortable. “It is not quite natural,” she said, “it is a really bizarre moral code. I would joke with them that they were a bunch of Christian jihadis.”

The sex habits of soldiers, sailors and marines may seem like a trifling matter amid a deathly battle. But the whole thing is kind of inevitable between a military focused on fight and a society that is increasingly losing interest in the distant conflicts.

Can We Have Fairy Tale Endings?

Since we were little, we always assumed that our adult dating lives would be as perfect as they are in fairy tales. One day Prince Charming would come to swoop you off your feet or perhaps you would find the most beautiful girl you’ve ever met on a chance encounter. Unfortunately, many of us seem to delude ourselves that fairy tales are meant for everybody and more importantly, for the real world.

Unless you have the ability to grow hair that someone can use to climb up a castle, you should keep your expectations far more realistic and avoid comparing your love and sex lives to the lives from characters out of a The Brothers Grimm tale. Your knight in shining armor shouldn’t be someone who would save you from a burning castle. He should be someone who will cook you dinner after a rough day at work. He should be someone who can carry meaningful conversations with your friends. He should be someone who loves you even when you’re PMSing.

Your damsel in distress should be a woman who is supportive and doesn’t have Rapunzel-sized extensions running down your back. She should be someone who can handle being in a room with your alcoholic mother and not even bat an eye. She should be someone who loves you because you’re a good man and not because you make a good salary.

You can live happily ever after if you choose to live within your realistic expectations of love. If not, you will find out first hand that some times happy fairy tale endings are for stories that haven’t ended yet.

What's Not Said

While good communication is key for two people trying to keep a relationship together, it’s not just what’s said between them that can be important to the romance. As people grow together there should be a certain telepathy to one another’s needs, hurts and triumphs that don’t have to be articulated; when one partner can sense the other having the obligatory bad day, when one person has the good sense to leave the other alone.

This unspoken understanding should exist in a couple’s

There are times when dirty talk fuels the bed time, others when silence is golden and still others when one partner lies open and vulnerable to the other, spewing all manner of admissions and promises. Then there are the times when one lay with their lover aching that their lover will read them enough, know the undulant movements and roll and shuck of hip, flush of genitals, hear a moan in such a specific way they will be taken further, their limits pushed, maybe a startling new kink introduced neither partner has discussed.

What makes sex sexy is not what we ask for or cajole our partner to try but that which they conclude on their own, that which comes whole-cloth from their head and loins, that which they have been entertaining that might very well gibe with what we have been wanting. An organic discovery of hopes and dreams, commonalities and sexual compatibility makes an adult dating relationship ever stronger.

Many couples find their explorations through watching porn together, others swing with couples who might introduce some sexual ideas-beyond swinging-to add a little spice into the bedroom, still other partners allow one another some off-time explorations, some moments of play at parties or play-spaces where they can at once keep an eye on one another and simultaneously be aroused at what they see their significant other get up to.

There are just as many people who take admissions of their sexual need as part of their sex play while still others cannot articulate what they need nor do they ever want to, preferring their kinks be found out or introduced by their significant other.

Communication can exist on many levels and take on so many varied forms; the main thing is though that lovers keep communicating.

How To Make Your Man Behave

When you are in an adult dating relationship with a fairly good-looking and charming man, it can be difficult to keep your tabs on him. However, if he does something small to break your trust such as caught texting other girls or being spotted having drinks with his ex, there are certain things a girl must do to keep him in line.

Now, if you can’t forgive him for the indiscretion, then to hell with him. Move on. However, if you want him back and want him behaved, you should follow this 10 day program in order to get the relationship you want.

Before you enter you enter the 10-day Rehabilitation Program, here are some rules to stay calm after catching your man doing no good.

a)Never Panic. Stay Cool. Act like it doesn’t bother you in the slightest and address the issue head on.

b)Never let your girlfriends know the entire situation. They’ll give you bad advice and ruin your confidence and as we know confidence is key.

Day One
Cardinal Rule # 1: DO NOT CALL OR TEXT HIM. Whoever calls first loses ground.
He will call unless he’s an idiot and in that case you don’t want him.

Discuss nothing over the phone. Be quick. Your job is just to listen.

When he wants to meet up, arrive 15 minutes late. Keep him waiting.

Listen to his excuse but don’t get suckered into falling for it. It doesn’t matter what excuse he gives you, he should have known better.

Break up with him before he breaks up with you!

Cardinal Rule # 2: When your man messes up, you have to punish him and punish him hard.

Day 2 and Three

Refrain from picking up your phone. Silence is golden. You can do more with silence than speaking.

Go to a place your man’s friends hang out at. Go over and talk to one of his friends. Don’t do anything slutty. Just be a little too friendly. Hug him too tight and give him kisses on the cheek. This will surely get back to your man and you will break his ego.

Ignore his phone calls.

Day Four

Today will be tricky. At this point, he most likely has gotten advice from his friends. Don’t talk to him. Be prepared for him to come over uninvited.

Day 5 and 6

Most likely, he has come over and transferred his negative emotions on to you. Don’t let him win. Kick him out and spend the next couple of days having friendly conversations with other suitors on Facebook walls. Because while you’re thinking about him, he’s not having a ball not thinking about you.

Day 7

Pay a visit to Victoria’s Secret.
Get your nails and hair done.
Take a long bubble bath.
Pull out the dress that hugs your curves in all the right places.

After you applied your makeup, go over to your man’s house. Your man has a sex cycle and most likely has to have sex at least once every seven days. That means you have to go over there a day before he’s thinking of sleeping with someone else. Your mission is to get into his house. Make up an excuse to bait him.

Before you know, he will be kissing you all over. Get him worked up and then leave him fully aroused.

You have successfully turned the tables.

Day 8
Stock up on groceries. Pick out a bottle of wine, because once you have made up with your man, you will probably be inside making up for the next few days.

If he’s a good man, he will be showing up at your door with his tail in between his legs.

Day 9 & 10

What happens in the bedroom…stays in the bedroom.

Good luck!

Is This a Date?

I’ve had plenty of women tell me that one of the trickiest things about meeting men in places other than on

One such annoying scenario, a close female friend recently informed me, is when you meet a man through work or play or whatever and he asks you out for drinks or to a show, but in such a casual way that you aren’t sure if this is an xxx date or a friends date or a let’s-just-see-what-happens date.

Now, I don’t want to overgeneralive, but most of the time I’d say that if I guy has asked you out to a 1-on-1 scenario, he’s probably hoping to get some adult play time in afterwards. Here’s a few ways you can be sure it’s a date:

1. He pays.

For anything. A drink. A plate of nachos. A ticket. Whatever it may be, if he’s buying then this is a date.

2. He tries to make eye contact.

Date!

3. He touches you.

Brushes your arm, grabs your hand, whatever – date.

Pretty simple, isn’t it? If he treats you like you’re special, it’s a date.

The Origin of the "C" Word

Over the years, one starts to question how certain sex slang come to be and the word “cunt” has always fascinated me for it is such a strong sounding curse word. The “C” word is quite common to use as an expression one uses to describe a horrible woman in adult dating relationships and since 1973, it has been formally known as an actual word describing a female’s genitalia in Oxford’s Dictionary.

However, where did this harsh sounding word come from and why do so many Etymologists argue about it?

The word ‘cunt’ seems to first have been introduced on a list of streets names in London around 1230. The street name in question was named ‘Gropecuntelane’ and it was a street known for the dirtiest and lowest forms of prostitution.

The word is also believed to be derived from the German word, ‘kunton’ which refers to a female’s genitalia. The word wasn’t then referred to as a negative connotation to a woman’s vagina, but rather it embraced it. Food for thought.

Men, on the other hand, recognized something dark and repugnant about the word. Most men considered a cunt to be something to penetrate and ejaculate in simply to spread their seed. There was no romantic meaning towards the word and has now become a sex word that means the opposite of love and tenderness. This is why so many men today still use the “C” word as one of the most notorious and frequent insults directed at females.

Funny, how broken telephone works over the centuries.

The Ultimate Showgirls Drinking Game

Do you remember the cult anti-classic, Showgirls? Of course you do. We all do. In fact, for many Showgirls was the closest thing to xxx movies for curious teens. We all remember Jessie Spano shocking audiences with her naked convulsions and her lipstick-smeared boobies. We all remember the inappropriate and unneeded rape scene of the one genuine character in the film and we definitely remember the fat lady’s deformed boobies whether we like it or not.

Showgirls is an erotic film that ironically turned us off from wanting to have sex for a long time. It is also a horrible film that just gets more enjoyable with each ridiculous viewing. But more importantly, it is the catalyst for the most extreme drinking games available today.

Read our version of the ultimate Showgirls drinking game. I would recommend eating hamburgers and potato chips (Nomi’s favorite dishes) beforehand and have a bottle of aspirin ready for you. You’ll need it.

ONE SIP

When Nomi storms off
When Nomi hits something for no apparent reason
When Gina Gershon says ‘darling’
When there’s a lesbian moment
When somebody says ‘tits.’
When somebody does jazz hands

2 SIPS

When a girl mentions her nails
When Nomi is eating something unhealthy for her to prove she’s different than the other dancers
When Nomi mispronounces Versace
When somebody falls down
When somebody sniffs cocaine
3 SIPS
When you see fat lady boobs
When Nomi mentions her period
When Nomi slaps herself or slaps someone else
When Nomi is forced to ice her nipples
When James talks about his “dick.”

FINISH YOUR DRINK!!
When “Agent Cooper” blows his load
When Nomi looks like she’s convulsing
When you hear “Ceasar” sing (you’ll need it)

Enjoy!!

How To Not End Up Like J.Lo

Nobody’s sex life is as thrilling as Jennifer Lopez’s, mainly due to the fact that she has made so many adult dating mistakes in the past and now in the present.

She got married to a Cuban restaurant owner and divorced him to date a rapper. When he couldn’t help her career she moved on to a backup dancer. When he provided no drama to the table, she cheated on him and got engaged to superstar. When she realized Ben Affleck was untameable, she moved on to a talented yet sickly looking musician/actor and ended up trapped in a dead end relationship for many years. Now fresh from her separation, she says she’s ready for love again. Does this make any f*cking sense at all?

JDS (J.Lo Dating Syndrome) is a very serious problem and it affects many women every day. If you have this syndrome, you must give yourself the time to heal from your past relationship wounds before going back into the dating world. A woman suffering from JDS uses her relationships as a false way to heal a broken heart and this woman most likely has no idea what it takes to be in a real relationship and more importantly, what she really wants from one.

If you want to know how to avoid being another JDS statistic, here’s how:

1. Take the time to yourself and get used to your single life first.

2. Have a understanding of what loves means and looks to you. (Sex And The City is NOT your life.)

3. Examine what you need to do and let go of in order to meet the right person who will love you right.

When She Says 'Let's Just Be Friends'

Sooner or later we’ve all heard it. Yep, I’m talking about the dreaded “Let’s Just Be Friends” speech from a woman we’re dying to be oh-so-much-more with. There are no ifs-ands-or-buts about it. It sucks. But it doesn’t have to be the nail in the coffin. There is life after the “Let’s Be Friends” speech, there will be opportunities to turn things around, but you have to handle things very carefully. Here’s what not to do:

Beg her to reconsider. Remember you are a man, even if a very young one. Do everything possible to either date or merely sleep with her best friend. Hang around her as much as possible with a hurt, hang dog expression.

Here’s why. Women have been known to change their minds – but only if they start to see the man in question in a new light. Something about you currently just isn’t ring her chimes. But you can’t argue, beg or plead your way into her seeing you differently. What you can do is step back, reconsider and put a new game into play. Let me lay out some basic strategy for you:

When you begin to understand women and have more success, you start to realize that most women are not the type that you'd be happy with long term.

Make Yourself Scarce For Now

Don’t be too available, or even go near her (if possible) for the next two or three weeks. When you do see her be pleasant but have other things to do and other places to go. You are no longer available to fix her car, go see a movie another guy wouldn’t dream of, or to listen to her daily trials and tribulations. That will only cement you into the “friend” position, and the longer you stay there the harder it is to get out of it.

Don’t Call Her

Making yourself scarce means you shouldn’t be in contact in any way, and that includes phone calls, emails and instant messaging. If she contacts you for any reason do get back to her – but not right away, and be very brief when you do. If she calls, you email. You don’t want her to think you’re trying to get back at her, but you do want her to know your world doesn’t revolve around her (even if presently it does).

Stop Thinking About Her

This is tough but you’ve got to do it. If it means replacing her face with one of the hot chicks from “Lost” every time you think about her do it. Remember there are more fish in the ocean. There are other women out there who’ll catch your interest if you allow it to happen. The more you stay mentally focused on this one woman the more you’re going to psychically repel her with your sad pathetic longing energy. Let go. Really let go and open your mind up to new possibilities.

Get A Life

Yes this is easier said than done when you’re heartsick but you’ve got to buck up and do it. This is especially hard when you hang in the same group of friends, so it may entail making new ones. This is the time to dust off a passion and put new focus and interest into it. What is it that you’ve been dying to do again or try for the first time? Bungee Jump? Hike that local mountain? Get a pilot’s license? Go back to school? Note, when I said get a life I meant a winning life, not a losing life. This isn’t the time to sit your sorry ass on the couch and leave it there gorging yourself on fast food. The only way you’re going to get another go at this woman is to get her to realize she’s underestimated you. If you stay put on the couch you’re lucky she even pondered you in the first place.

Start Going Out

Once you start doing something you really love you’re going to feel better about yourself. That’s the time to start going out and honing your social skills with women. That’s also why you need some new friends to hang out with – you don’t want to be trying out your new pick up lines around the woman who only wanted to be your friend. She doesn’t need to see you at it when you’re still a bit crushed and feel you’ve still got training wheels on.

You May Contact Her Only When You Feel Great

Okay, here’s the deal, you can either contact her or be in the same group as her again – but only after you’re feeling much better than you ever imagined you could feel. Until then avoid her like the plague. She is not going to see you in a new light until you see yourself that way. Can you fake it? A bit. And do fake it if you happen to run into her too early. Don’t brag. Don’t talk about a fake new girlfriend. Just be pleasant, excited about some new interests and keep it short.

Once you’re feeling good, once you’re open to dating new women (or have in fact started to date new women), you can be in touch with her very briefly or you can hang a bit in the same group again. Only contact her with some interesting bit of information you thought she’d like to know (like where a band she’s really into is playing soon) – not that you miss her and are dying to see her. With this you remind her that you’re a thoughtful dude who knows her taste, but you’re not asking her out again. When you’re around her again don’t avoid being in her presence, but don’t push to be near here. Always ask how she is, tell her it’s good to see her, but don’t give her compliments and don’t engage in long conversation unless she backs you into a corner. Remember you have new exciting things going on.

When You Can Let Your Guard Down A Bit

You can relax a bit when she starts contacting you or seeking you out…but be careful. If she starts putting you in the friend role again because “no one understands her like you” head for the hills as quickly as you politely can. You are not her therapist; you’re a guy who wants to get lucky with her. If she starts paying you compliments, playing with her hair while she talks to you, and tilting her head to the side while talking to you she’s flirting. At that point tell her you’ve got to run at the moment but you’ve love to get together with her for coffee soon and you’ll call her.

Don’t ask her out on a romantic date and don’t call right away…give it a couple of days. You never want your presence in her life to be like a good old reliable doormat. When you get together don’t brag. If you’re seeing someone else (and good for you if you are) admit to it, but hold your cards close to your chest. Be mysterious and happy about your life. Tell her about the fun new things you’re up to and let her know it would be cool to do it together sometime.

Let her now be the one curious over whether she’s been put in the friend role.

10 Tips for Online Dating Success

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Dating Web Sites Now Trying to Prevent Divorce

In 1995, Matt Frassica, tired of singles bars and set-ups by friends, tried his hand at dating online. There he met, and later married, a woman who also liked long walks in the rain and homemade lasagna. They were even featured in People magazine as a prototype of successful cyber-romance. Then the fairy tale ended. Mr. Frassica said he realized he was gay, and the divorce was official last year."We avoided getting to know the real person," says the 34-year-old corporate recruiter in San Francisco. "All we knew was the profiles of each other." (His ex-wife confirms that.)

More than a decade after the Internet revolutionized dating -- about two million Americans met their spouses online, by one measure -- the sites face a new challenge: keeping these couples together. While most sites started out focusing on dating, they are increasingly using their success in the marriage arena as a marketing tool -- making the stakes higher if these unions start to go south.

While many happily married couples say they may never have found a mate offline, there are already indications that meeting a spouse on the Web comes with its own set of potential pitfalls. Some divorce cases, for example, highlight false claims made in the online profiles that led to the initial attraction. In addition, of course, there are the natural perils that can come with getting to know a person virtually instead of the old-fashioned way.

Now, sites are stepping up their efforts to ensure that matches last. EHarmony.com is opening a new "relationship lab" this summer where some couples who met through the site will be monitored for at least five years to see how the marriages fare. In an initiative dubbed "Project Moses" internally, JDate.com, a Jewish singles site, is contracting a dating coach to train customer-service representatives in relationship counseling for couples who call in. True.com pitches a compatibility test (patent pending) that it says follows standards set by the American Psychological Association; one aim is to reduce divorce.

The emphasis on marriage and marriage sustenance is what these sites say they need to do to continue to expand their business. After double- and triple-digit growth in some recent years, spending on online dating rose by just 7 percent last year, according to a report by the Online Publishers Association, a trade group. The report shows that for the first time since 2002, music and video downloads surpassed online dating as a top revenue-maker on the Web. (Adult entertainment probably trumps them all, according to some market researchers, though figures are difficult to track.) A recent survey by Jupiter Research says serious daters -- those seeking long-term commitments -- are 63 percent more likely to pay for online dating than other daters. Such statistics are one reason the sites are taking pains to demonstrate successful track records at the altar.

The quest by dating Web sites to keep passion alive is all the more urgent because demographic statistics would suggest that the first wave of divorces among online daters is just now beginning. The median length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is eight years, according to a Census Bureau survey released last year. Online dating took off in 1995, with Match.com celebrating its 150th wedding two years later. By 2002, this style of dating had become firmly entrenched in the cultural mainstream.

Touting marriage results is now a major part of many sites' business strategies. Match boasts "twice as many marriages as any other site in the world" on its home page, a claim based on last year's survey of 4,800 people on Weddingchannel.com, a Los Angeles-based online-registry and wedding-planning service. Yahoo Personals has a special section devoted to success stories, while eHarmony festoons the hallways of its Pasadena, Calif., headquarters with photos of couples at their wed dings, including one with "eHarmony" in icing on a computer-shaped cake.

Though there is no statistical evidence that the break-up rate among online daters is any different from the national average, some divorce lawyers point to anecdotal evidence. Eric Spevak, a New Jersey divorce lawyer, says that as many as one in five of his clients now comes from marriages that started on the Internet. "There's no consequences online -- people can promise you anything, so engagements are shorter and people are rushing in," says Mr. Spevak.

New York divorce lawyer Raoul Felder says he is also seeing more Internet daters splitting up in his practice: "It's usually a relationship based on fantasy or desperation, which doesn't bode well."

False claims on online dating profiles are showing up in court as lawyers use the early dating profiles -- with their fibs about wealth and status -- for character attacks later. Robert Hoover, a lawyer in San Jose, Calif., says he was able to wrest child custody from his client's ex-wife based partly on allegations that she had used her younger sister's photograph in her dating profile to trick men, including her future husband, into emailing her. "If she'd misrepresented herself in that regard, maybe she misrepresents herself in the area of custody," says Mr. Hoover. "That was just brought up to attack her credibility."

Marriage counselors and divorce attorneys say they are often struck by how much of what brings people together online ultimately contributes to the undoing of the relationship.

One of the hallmarks of online dating, for example, is the quick intimacy driven by heartfelt profiles that can go on for pages and reveal everything from a person's favorite food to a weakness for tattoos. Focusing on these attributes, some psychologists say, makes potential suitors more likely to overlook someone's downsides. A 2004 Match study said 11 percent of its married couples were "in love prior to ever meeting face-to-face."

Online courtships also take place initially via email, a notably misleading way of communicating that doesn't take into account tone of voice or facial expressions. And experts say online daters as a group tend to be more interested in marriage and therefore more inclined to jump the gun.

It took Carolyn Fellwock and Charlie Watson only 11 months to tie the knot after meeting on Yahoo Personals -- and three years more to call it quits. The couple's shared appreciation for movie nights and homemade Irish stew turned out to be no match for their bickering over how to discipline their kids from previous marriages or the best way to spend the family savings.

"I can't believe it's over," Ms. Watson now says. "I really did think I'd found a soul mate."

A string of failed relationships can mean more subscriptions for an online dating site, of course, but many companies say they are more interested in building a brand name based on success. With several sites mulling plans to branch into services for other family issues, from child-rearing to troublesome in-laws, companies call a good marriage the foundation for customer loyalty. "If they appear to be happy in their marriage for the first couple of years but it doesn't last, that doesn't do anything for us," says Ron Worthy, product manager for member revenue at BlackPlanet Love, an African American singles site. "We want to build families."

For those relationships that do fail, dating sites have some built-in protections, primarily in the form of waivers members must agree to with the click of a mouse. Match, in language similar to that of other sites, declares itself not liable "for any damages whatsoever" from emotional distress to bodily injury. Sites with personality tests and quasi-counseling also include waivers saying such services are no substitute for professional help.

Match already has some publicity h eadaches stemming from a recent lawsuit over "date bait" -- flirtatious emails from phony daters to keep subscribers coming back. Yahoo Personals also is being sued for allegedly posting false profiles. Both companies have denied those claims as fraudulent and are fighting the lawsuits, which seek class-action status.

Anna Murray, a 39-year-old New York technology executive, knows the pitfalls of online dating. Her solution: She ran her Match suitors by her therapist."She'd read between the lines as only a good personality profiler can do," says Ms. Murray, now married. When presented with her future husband's profile, she recalls, her therapist delivered the verdict: "She said, 'He's not a creep.' "

While some sites track their marriage rate closely -- eHarmony says 16,500 of its clients tied the knot in the year ending August 2005 -- others say it's too hard to track accurately. According to the Pew Internet & American Life Project, a nonprofit research org anization, an estimated two million married Internet users in America met their spouses online -- that is about half the total number of people who married last year.

To maintain its success rate, eHarmony says it has rejected 1.4 million applicants it deems not marriage material -- they are struggling with addiction, for example, or have more than three failed marriages under their belt. Through its relationship lab, the company hopes even unhappy couples can help the cause of lasting matches; by noticing patterns in failed couplings, eHarmony can tweak its "compatibility matching system" to fix the problem. For example, founder and chairman Neil Clark Warren says he has noticed grieving widows and widowers tend to move too quickly in rebound relationships, creating tensions down the road. "We have an enormous interest in all these couples," says Dr. Warren.

Scientists Discover The Best Pickup Line

One hundred people aged from 22 to 45 went on five three-minute dates and were asked how they chose who to see again.

Psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman said the experiment showed that many women made decisions about prospective partners after just 30 seconds.

Most successful chat-up lines included 'What's your favourite pizza topping?'

The experts said looks were obviously a major factor and further research would be conducted into that area in weeks to come.

Almost 50% of women made decisions about potential mates after half a minute during the experiment, carried out at the city's International Science Festival.

Professor Wiseman, of Hertfordshire University, said: "One in five men had made their minds up about a person within the first 30 seconds of meeting them, compared to about half of the women.

"The key thing, particularly as women are making up their minds so quickly, is that the opening line reall y matters."

The academic said men and women adopted a "pretty similar approach" to chat-up lines.

However, some differences between the sexes were highlighted by the study.

"It tended to be the guys that used closed questions; ones that would elicit either a yes or no answer and that would be the end of the conversation," he said.

"Our top male and female were using the same sort of chat-up lines, with topics that would make the person feel quite light-hearted.

"The most successful lines were ones which were impossible to answer with a simple yes or no, such as 'What's your favourite pizza topping?' and 'Who would you be if you were going on Stars In Their Eyes?'.

Professor Wiseman said at the other end of the spectrum, the worst chat-up lines included 'I have a PhD in computing' and 'My best friend's a helicopter pilot'.

"It's very difficult to respond to these in an interesting or creative way," he said.

The psychologist also found that those looking for a potential partner should steer clear of topics which could cause disagreement, such as favourite films.

He said: "We asked participants to talk about certain topics and when they spoke about films it was a disaster, I could just hear people arguing.

"No-one wanted to meet each other afterwards, mainly because men and women often disagree about the best types of films.

"But when you shifted the conversation to travel, everyone became a lot more energised and that ended in far more dates."

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Secrets to Online Dating

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