Most People Admit To Masturbation

We have all heard over the years that masturbation is healthy for one’s lifestyle and that we should omit all of the facts surrounding masturbation that are negative because research shows that it is nothing but good for a person’s life. And when I say this, I mean in moderation of course.

A new survey indicates that 86% of US adults say that they indulge in chocking the old chicken or brushing the beaver and they aren’t afraid to admit it!

The survey that was commissioned by Adam & Eve, a retailer of xxx adult products, indicates that 18 percent of adults say that they masturbate one to three times per month, 17 percent say they rarely self satisfy, and 14 percent say they never participate in the act. I say they’re lying!

“Masturbation is a healthy sexual outlet,” a sex and sexual relationship expert, Dr. Kat Van Kirk said in a statement.

And it’s not only doctors that now know these facts. Even my grandma has told me that it’s okay to play with yourself once in a while. She says that she doesn’t want me to think of my body as some sort of amusement park however. Just a place to go when I’m feeling horny.

“Research shows it can help individuals cope with stress, improve the immune system and it enhances partners sex. Masturbation is a great for of preventative medicine.”

This research was all the by product of the Great American Sex survey which studies more than 1,000 US adults and it was conducted by a third party survey company.

Legitimate research or not, we all know that masturbation is good for you because it makes us feel good, it helps us sleep, it explores a xxx fantasy and it relieves tension. And to be able to do that without putting any sort of outside chemicals in your body sounds pretty good to me.

Which Music Fans are the Least Likely to Fuck on the First Date?

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1. ColdPlay

These guys are all same low-hum melody and ‘I love her yellow eyes’ and ‘she’s so amazing’ and ‘let’s run through the mountains together’. Coldplay fans want to be slow-rocked into bliss by Chris Martin. They want to let it burn on and on and on. They don’t want to be rushed. Or maybe they aren’t even sure how to fuck very well and wish they could just love in the mountain air purely instead of getting down into that dirty sex business. Or maybe they are waiting for a bearskin rug in front of a roaring winter fire. Or maybe they are waiting for Chris Martin himself to love them up. Or Gwyneth Paltrow with her goopy-goop for that matter.

2. Lady Gaga

Typical. Gaga is all showy sex and no substance. Just like people who talk about fucking constantly but never really do it. People like to say Gaga has substance, but she really doesn’t. She’s an empty mindfuck. She’s a terrible tease. She’s all talk and no action. She is totally, totally lame. And so are her fans.

No Sex, We’re Soldiers

In the history of the military, they have never been quite so squeamish about sex.

We all know that American culture is openly obsessed with sex, but the military on the other hand, is moving swiftly in the opposite direction.

This accusation of being so uncomfortable with the idea of sex has recently exploded into public view with the recent firing on the captain of the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier on the eve of its deployment to support the war in Afghanistan.

In 2006 and 2007, Captain Owen Honors starred in a series of shipboard videos in which he pantomimed masturbation and peered into the showers of men and woman who were semi clothed. Then, within 48 hours of the videos surfacing on the Internet, Honors was sent packing.

He surprisingly went willingly and about half of the 17 Navy skippers who lost their commands last year were fired for sexual dalliances. The Army and the Marine Corps have similarly adopted absolutely no tolerance policies for any kind of sexual discretion.

These days, the commanders on the battlefield are far more likely to lose their jobs for marital infidelity than for marital failings.

“With the Americans, it was quite extraordinary,” said Emma Sky, a British civilian who spent several years working as an adviser to top American commanders in Iraq,”

The military’s extreme sexlessness in the midst of so much killing is quite uncomfortable. “It is not quite natural,” she said, “it is a really bizarre moral code. I would joke with them that they were a bunch of Christian jihadis.”

The sex habits of soldiers, sailors and marines may seem like a trifling matter amid a deathly battle. But the whole thing is kind of inevitable between a military focused on fight and a society that is increasingly losing interest in the distant conflicts.

How to Avoid Your Partner's Sex Fetishes

So, you’ve been in your relationship long enough to ask private details about what they like in bed. Your partner always seems so sweet, caring and giving when you’re having sex that you want to give them something in return. Then your partner reveals something either so vile or so out of your comfort zone that it makes you want to run for the hills.

Every person is entitled to their xxx fetishes and if they don’t give you severe E.Coli Poisoning, then it you should never judge your partner for having them. Although, what do you do when you don’t want to perform the acts that turn them on the most? Well, if you don’t want to hurt their feelings, here are some ways to get you out of a sticky situation.

Toes and Feet Fetish

So your partner has a thing for sucking and licking your feet. When they try to put one of your little piggies in their mouths, make sure your feet are smelly, full of toe jam and are riddled with cracked and chipped nail polish. They will probably stay away. If you are too vain for that, then tell your partner that you are extremely ticklish. When they touch your feet, start kicking away like someone who’s having a seizure. I’m sure they would not want to get near your feet in fear of physical damage to their face.

Golden Shower

This one is pretty easy and if you ever watched Sex and the City, then you know what Miss Bradshaw had to deal with at one point the show. Simply tell your partner that you want to try tying them up and blindfold them. They will love your kinky set up. When they are blind folded, lightly pour warm green tea over their bodies and if you’re feeling a little brave, keep a urine sample handy and pour that on them too to make it more “authentic.”

Furry Fandom

If your partner wants to get down with you dressed as a furry animal, just simply tell them you’re very claustrophobic and can’t handle being enclosed in tight and small places. Put on the head mask and pretend to hyperventilate.

Strap ons

If your female partner wants to use a strap on with you, simply tell her that you won’t ever ask her for anal sex again. Most times girls threaten men with strap ons simply for their amusement. If she still wants to use it, make a compromise and tell her you’ll let her use her finger instead. (Sometimes, you just got to take one for the team. )

S&M

Tell them your parents use to beat you as a child and being around whips has scared you since. It’s horrible I know, but at least you won’t have to endure a physical beating during sex. Give them harder spanks to compensate for it.

Rim Jobs

Speak up! Just speak up and flat out tell them no or tell them they can perform it on you, but you would never reciprocate. See…compromises do work from time to time.

Are Twihards Really Just Horny Bastards?

Being a genuine horror fan, I particularly loathe the Twilight series. I have nothing against the actors or the directors but I really just have a problem with the deluded message it sends to young teenage girls and bored housewives all around the world about adult dating relationships.

As everybody knows, (whether you want to or not) part one of the final chapter in the series is coming to theatres in a few months and twihards are getting wet excited as each day passes. However, more fans are not as excited to see the wedding, but rather they are looking forward to the infamous sex scene where Bella and Edward fuck consummate their marriage.

This week at the annual San Diego Comic-Con, thousands of female fans were squealing with orgasmic delight while they camped out and were hopeful to see Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s dick love scene on the big screen.

I hate to disappoint you Twihards, but because the fan base for this series is unreasonably vast, (seriously, how can grown women like this crap?) you will not be seeing the porn love scene you have fantasized about and jilled off to numerous times after reading the ravenous scene in the Breaking Dawn novel. Don’t be surprised to just see PG-13 soap opera-worthy orgasmic faces and Edward’s naked back and sepia-colored overtones. Doesn’t that sound so hot? Not to me!

What you see is what you get!

Personally, I have no idea what the fuss is all about. Bella literally gets knocked up shortly after the first time and then Edward has to rip the baby out of her with his fangs. If that is not an advertisement for abstinence, I don’t know what is.

So I have come to the conclusion that all twihards are really just horny bastards who will need to stock up on AA batteries because they will be severely disappointed after the lack of nudity and sex in Breaking Dawn.