Can You Turn Him Straight?

By the time an adult woman is in her late twenties, she has probably had the unfortunate luck of falling for a gay man at one point in her young life. It can be a devastating blow to the ego when somebody you’re in love with has told you they rather date men. You keep wondering how they were so good at sex and pleasing you constantly. You can even begin convincing yourself that this is just a phase they’re going through like a drunken college girl during her freshman year.

Unfortunately if you think you can turn your recent ex-boyfriend straight then you will be entering a world of pain and denial. Even if the object of your affections seems confused and harbors some feelings for you, it doesn’t mean they’re going to change their path to be with you and even if they do, it doesn’t mean it will be a genuine relationship either.

Letting go of an ex who reveals that he’s gay is far harder to do than any other ex. This is because deep down inside, you know there will never be a chance of reuniting. What’s even harder to deal with is the fact that deep down you already saw the signs ages ago and may have just been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So if your boyfriend has come out of the closet, let him be free even if he’s scared to be out. If he is confused as to who he wants to be with, point him in the direction he needs to go to. Stop primping yourself up. Stop trying to make him jealous and if you can’t be around him without holding back tears, then let him know. It will be difficult, but it’s better to eventually have this person in your life as a great friend than having him shun for you for years to come because of your constant efforts to change him.

Be smart and be strong and give yourself time to heal. It’s only then you will be able to put this ordeal behind you and be able to find the right one for you in the long run.

No Sex, We’re Soldiers

In the history of the military, they have never been quite so squeamish about sex.

We all know that American culture is openly obsessed with sex, but the military on the other hand, is moving swiftly in the opposite direction.

This accusation of being so uncomfortable with the idea of sex has recently exploded into public view with the recent firing on the captain of the USS Enterprise aircraft carrier on the eve of its deployment to support the war in Afghanistan.

In 2006 and 2007, Captain Owen Honors starred in a series of shipboard videos in which he pantomimed masturbation and peered into the showers of men and woman who were semi clothed. Then, within 48 hours of the videos surfacing on the Internet, Honors was sent packing.

He surprisingly went willingly and about half of the 17 Navy skippers who lost their commands last year were fired for sexual dalliances. The Army and the Marine Corps have similarly adopted absolutely no tolerance policies for any kind of sexual discretion.

These days, the commanders on the battlefield are far more likely to lose their jobs for marital infidelity than for marital failings.

“With the Americans, it was quite extraordinary,” said Emma Sky, a British civilian who spent several years working as an adviser to top American commanders in Iraq,”

The military’s extreme sexlessness in the midst of so much killing is quite uncomfortable. “It is not quite natural,” she said, “it is a really bizarre moral code. I would joke with them that they were a bunch of Christian jihadis.”

The sex habits of soldiers, sailors and marines may seem like a trifling matter amid a deathly battle. But the whole thing is kind of inevitable between a military focused on fight and a society that is increasingly losing interest in the distant conflicts.

Never Follow In Madonna's Footsteps

The older Madonna gets, the younger her suitors get in her adult dating life. Recently, the elder material girl was seen getting fresh with her twenty-four year old back up dancer Brahim Zaibat in the Hamptons.

I know Demi Moore and shows like Cougar Town (seriously, change that name of that show already) have exploited the wonderful sex lives of cougar women, however Madonna is no one to follow because her track record with hooking up with younger men is not impressive. Lets take a look at her boy toy track record, shall we?

Vanilla Ice

Remember when Vanilla Ice was still relevant? No? Well, back in 1992, Vanilla Ice was apparently the sh*t. Madonna was ten years older than him and they met while doing her infamous SEX coffee table book. Dating this “baby” only brought in the jealous streak in her.

Carlos Leon

Remember this Latin cutie? How can you forget since he fathered Madonna’s ambitious child, Lourdes? This relationship lasted three years and they ended up breaking up when Madonna was pregnant. Classy move Carlos.

Tupac Shakur

Madonna had a brief fling with the late rapper months before he was gunned down on a Las Vegas strip. This short-lived relationship ended when she apparently wanted him to be her “baby daddy.” The number one way to scare off a guy in my opinion.

Guy Ritchie

Everybody thought Madonna had broken her boy toy curse when she married famed director Guy Ritchie. (Who is ten years younger than her.) Unfortunately, after eight years of marriage, they called it quits and now down right hate each other.

A-Rod

I think everybody knows what happened here. Apparently, A-Rod likes his women blonde, aging and desperate.

Jesus Luz

Remember when Madonna starting dating this 22 year old zygote? They apparently ended their 10 month affair after discovering they had nothing in common. Gee, you don’t say?

In closing, Lady Madge proves to be no icon when it comes to hooking up with younger men. Keep your options open but don’t go after young men just because you can. It may hurt your love life in the long run.

Will Your Relationship Fall Apart?

When you are in an adult relationship, things generally get better or get worse after the honeymoon period. If it gets worse, your relationship is at risk of falling apart. Generally, the four clear indicators of relationship failure are stonewalling, contempt, defensiveness and criticism. If you let these adult dating woes consume your relationship, it is bound to fail. However, there are ways of getting past these problems and repairing them as well and here’s how:

Contempt And Criticism

In a troubled relationship, there is bound to be a lot of contempt for one another. Sighing, rolling eyes and making harsh comments are subtle ways of showing your partner you are annoyed by them and starting not to like them. On the other hand, people deal with this level of contempt with co-workers and family aff members. It’s important to solve this problem like you would with your other loved ones. Focus on what you like and love about the person you are with and the rest you should follow.

Stonewalling And Defensiveness

Stonewalling is a destructive technique that makes couples just tune their partners out in order to win a fight. The only way to repair this problem is by talking and listening. Unfortunately, talking also leads to defensiveness. The only way to repair this problem is to really understand that your partner may say something to you that might upset you or something that you don’t agree with and you have to learn to control your emotions. You have to respect your partner by truly listening to them even when you don’t want to. Sure, you may fight from time to time and that’s not an indicator that your relationship is doomed. Remember, it’s not how often you fight, it’s HOW you fight that will predict your impending failure as a couple.

If you master those basic relationship repair techniques, then your relationship should get better if you are really meant for one another. If not, then don’t take your failed relationship as a personal failure. You tried and gave it your all and sometimes doomed relationships lead to other successes in your life.

Fun & Not-so-Fun Sex Fetishes

Oh, sexual fetishes….How are you, my friends? Have you been scaring people lately? Or have you been turning them on? How many men and women have been letting you out of the closets they make out of their rib cages? And how many have been keeping you in?

In my many years of adult dating, I have been surprised by several of my partner’s fetishes, some of which I tolerated or adored, some of which I didn’t. Here are a list of some of the fetishes I have come across; after all, if you’re into sex dating, it’s always good to get familiar with some of the weirder XXX stuff some people like to get into.

Odaxelagnia: Getting bit. Biting. Yeah, it’s a pretty regular thing. Hell, I love when a woman bites me, and I don’t mind doing a little nibble myself, but if you can’t get off without biting, THAT is when it is considered a fetish.

Dacryphilia: People who get hot for tears – yes, tears. As in, she’s crying and you’re as hard as can be. Hmmm. A tad creepy.

Pognophilia: Obsession with bearded men. I love this one! I have a beard, you see. Lots of women love grabbing at it during a make out session, even love the feel of it on their thighs, say it makes me look like a real man…whatever that means, I don’t even think they know….

That’s today’s fetish list. Any of you ever got so turned off by someone’s fetish you stopped dating them?

Celebrity-branded Condoms That Make You Feel Like A Star

Have you ever wanted to have sex with a hot celebrity but have had no luck to get with any of your favorite A-listers? Now you can make your adult dating life a star-studded affair by turning your bedroom into your own private red carpet event with these specialized celebrity-branded condoms! For many, it will be the closest way to getting it on with a celebrity and trust me, you won’t be disappointed. Lets take a look at some of the stars that have lent their names to latex, shall we?

Tiger Woods Condoms

If any celebrity taught us to practice safe sex last year, it was definitely the now infamous sexaholic golfer who had unprotected sex with numerous amounts of women. Protect your wood with Tiger’s condoms today!

David Beckham’s LOST LOVE condoms

Everybody loves David Beckham, but in China, they love him so much that they actually used his face on condoms without his permission. Needless to say, these condoms are selling like crazy.

Mischa Barton Condoms

Finally, Mischa got some work! She’s an official condom model for a line of Japanese latex condoms. Sadly, they are only interested in her O.C. coveted look. This picture is as deceiving as a 35 year old woman using her high school graduation photo on her online dating profile.

Mena Suvari’s Super Moist Condoms

Mena Suvari may not be as popular as she was once, but in Japan she is still an A-lister for she is the official super moist condom model for a line of popular Japanese condoms. I’m sure she is racking in the royalties.

Madonna Condoms

Surely this one doesn’t surprise you? Madonna’s face was used in the 1980s for a brand of condoms in France. If you get your hands on these, I highly recommend you don’t use them.

Kiss Kondoms

With these condoms, you could rock and roll all night and party every day with xxx activities!

Ke$ha Condoms

This popular pop singer has recently broke the news of putting her face on Lifestyle condoms this year. The perfect condom to use for sleazy and drunken one night stands.

8 Quick Ways to Relax Before a Big Date

So you haven't been out on a date in awhile and you're nervous that you'll do or say the wrong thing. Or perhaps your last date was such a disaster that it should have had a rating 5 on the weather channel. Getting nervous before a date is understandable...

Will they be attracted to you? Are you both on the same wavelength? Will you be able to control your mouth from saying something your brain knows is stupid?

Mistakes usually occur when stress levels are high. And lets face it dating is a stressful endeavor. The best thing you can do before a date is 'relax'. ­I know that is easier said than done but here are 8 easy ways to chill out before your dates arrives so that you actually have a good time on your date without any jittery mis-steps.

1. Meditate or if that sounds too mystical just close your eyes and focus on your breathing, feel it as it goes in and feel it go out. Can you feel it flow through your nostrils into your lungs? Does your stomach expand too? If it does then you know your breathing deeply and you'll get the most benefit from the activity. See if you can focus on the pause between breaths and that between an inhale and an exhale. Do it for 5 minutes or do it for 20 - the length is not as important as your focus during this time.

2. Sing. Really loudly. Obviously this isn't going to work in an office but it's great in the car, especially at night if you're worried about other people looking at you oddly.

3. Stretch. Try standing with your feet hip width apart and then take a deep breath, rise up onto your toes and reach up to the ceiling with your fingertips. Hold for as long as you can. And then slowly release your breath, your arms and finally put your heels back on the ground.

4. Go for a walk even if it's just around the office or your living room. Or you could walk to the mailbox or do 6 star jumps or put on some dancing music. Anything to get your body moving and those endorphins flowing.

5. Give yourself a quick massage - your feet or hands are good places to start for a quick treat. Keep some hand cream or body lotion at your desk or in your bedside table and you'll always be ready to treat yourself. And take your time - after all YOU know the bits you like.

6. Connect with your inner child - Do a handstand or a cartwheel - this isn't going to work indoors but if you're wearing trousers there's no reason why you can't do it in the park on your way to meet your date. And while you're there have a go on the slide too (not a good option if you're wearing white and its probably a good idea to make sure the ramp is clean before you slide).

7. Go somewhere private and be as unbelievably angry as you possibly can and try to stay angry - you'll find that 9 times out of 10 you won't be able to sustain it. The idea is not to get all worked up and then go and spray your anger at your date. It's about getting it all out and then dealing with whatever situation needs addressing. In order to do this you need to make sure that you don't leave your private space until you feel like your anger has all gone. We hear so much about anger management when it's not really about managing it, but rather letting it out. Just remember the golden rule: it’s OK to get angry but it’s not OK to take it out on someone or something else.

8. Read fiction - almost everyone agrees that fiction is a wonderful escape from the day to day. There's nothing quite like stepping out of your own life and into the lives of the characters in a good story. And a good short story is just the thing for a 15 minute chill out session.

Hope these tips work for you on your next date. You might even find you enjoy it!

Online Dating Lessons

As adults, the dating world can be such a challenge. This is especially true if you have come out of a long-term relationship and have not been in "the game" for quite a while.

There are many traps out there that you need to avoid. Avoiding the traps is an "inner game." This is done by paying attention to your own thinking and emotions and being honest with your self about what you are thinking and feeling.

Here are three of the most common traps, the signs and symptoms, and most importantly, what to do instead.

The Fairy Tale Trap

Remember all the fairy tales we heard and read as children? While most of them had good moral lessons to teach, they were still fairy tales.

Yet we handle so many of our relationships, especially love relationships, as if we believe the fairy tales are real.

We expect our perfect ideal partner to just magically show up someday, without any effort on our part.

Here is how I hear it expressed by many of the singles whom I coach:

"One day I just looked across the room, our eyes met, and I just knew he/she was the one!"

Well, maybe yes and maybe no.

Either way, after the glow of the "newness" of the relationship wears off, you still have to learn to live with another person - messy at it's best.

I see so many people get hurt this way.

Solution: You just have to take responsibility for your own relationship choice and take an active role in finding a good match for your self.

Don't just react to the people that choose you, as in "I'll like this person because they like me." Interview a lot of people for the position of your partner.

The Rescue Trap

So may singles get caught in this one. They believe that if they can just meet the right person, then all of their emotional, financial, and other problems with living will be solved right away. It's a trap, for one reason, because that is way too much pressure to put on anyone. In addition, this convinces you that you have very little power to affect your own life. This one leaves you feeling desperate and needy. When problems multiply instead of disappear, the relationship is likely to fail.

Solution: First of all, there is a proverb that says, "Without a vision, the people perish." I believe this is true for relationships as well.

What is your vision for your relationship? One way to get started on your vision is to ask the question: "If I could write the screenplay, what would it look like?" Know that your relationship will not exactly match the screenplay. Too may times we look for a custom tailored perfect fit in an off-the-rack world. This is just a question to get you started on creating your relationship vision.

The second thing you need to do is resolve your personal, emotional, financial and other life problems before you commit to a long-term relationship. You then stand a much great chance of relationship success.

Date-To-Mate Trap

Ever try to put a round peg in a square hole? This is one of the dangers of the date-to-mate trap. If you go out into the dating world with the goal that you must find a long-term relationship or even marriage, you set yourself up for trying to make something fit that does not, cannot, and will not fit.

I had a coaching client once who entered into a marriage relationship knowing he wanted children and knowing that she was ambivalent at best about having children. The outcome is predictable, is it not? The couple eventually divorced over this issue.

Having children was a requirement for this person. A requirement is something you must have, and is non-negotiable. In this example, you cannot have half a child.

Solution: Be very careful of becoming an instant couple, especially just to be with someone. Know what your requirements are in a long-term relationship, and settle for nothing less. Taking this position scares many of the singles I coach because they believe it greatly reduces the number of available partners. While this is true, remember, it only takes one.

Date a bunch of different people without the pressure of the date-to-mate trap. This solution greatly increases your chances of finding the one.

What's the Difference between Free and Paid Dating

These days almost all online dating sites work on a pay to use basis, usually with an option to 'Sign Up Free' and test out the service before buying time. On this page we attempt to explain the different types of memberships offered by subscription based dating sites and what you can expect to get out of them.

Free Memberships

Almost all online dating sites offer free memberships so you can try before you buy time, with absolutely no obligation to ever become a paid subscriber. This gives you a chance to check out the service, see what it offers and can help you decide whether or not it suits you. Most free memberships are limited. Lets you create a profile, browse and view ads posted by other members, but rarely lets you initiate mail contact, respond to mail messages or use the instant messaging system. Free memberships rarely expire.

Trial Memberships

Trial membership works a bit different. They're still free, but instead of limiting your access to the tools and features, you get to use the service for a limited amount of time, anywhere from 6 to 10 days. Often you'll be allowed to initiate mail contact and respond to any mail messages you may receive, and some will even let you use the instant message system, but once your trial time is up you'll need to subscribe if you want to continue using the service.

Paid Subscription

People that are seriously seeking a partner will benefit more if they purchase a subscription. The tools and features offered at dating sites are specially designed to save you time and help you meet highly compatible people. Once you pay the required fee you'll be able to do more detailed searches, make use of the matchmaking tools and you'll have unlimited mail and instant message privileges, which is very important if you really want to get to know someone better. Some dating sites will even alert you by mail if anyone new signs up matching your criteria. This feature alone can save you a lot of time in your search for that perfect partner.

Top 10 Online Dating Mistakes

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Best Conversation Topics With Women

There are really two very different (and important) aspects to the 'conversations with women' topic:

1. The HOW.

2. The WHAT.

THE HOW

Most guys want to know 'what to talk about' with women.

It only makes sense that you should talk about things that women are interested in... right?

Well... partially.

It is actually FAR MORE IMPORTANT to talk about whatever topic you're talking about in the RIGHT WAY.

In other words, if you don't understand HOW to carry on a conversation that creates ATTRACTION, then it really won't matter WHAT you talk about... because the woman you're talking to won't FEEL anything towards you.

The HOW of conversation includes (but is not limited to):

-Your body language
-Eye contact
-The Cocky & Funny style of communicating
-Flirting
-Sending mixed messages
-Directing the conversation
-Dealing with common questions and topics

...and many other things.

My point is that if you're running into a lot of 'uncomfortable silences', nervousness, and other usual challenges, then you probably need to get the HOW handled before the WHAT.

THE WHAT

With that said, there are several topics that are GREAT to discuss with women.

But instead of just giving them to you, I want you to do yourself a favor and THINK for a minute.

What topics do women PAY to hear about?

Hint: Cosmo magazine, romance novels, soap operas, nighttime dramas, the fashion channel... etc.

If you think about it, the answer to this question is rather obvious.

For whatever reason, WOMEN tend to LOVE:

-Drama
-Conflict
-Romance
-Famous people and their lives

So... it's really quite easy to enjoy a conversation with a woman about these topics.

Here are a few ideas:

1. Play amateur psychologist to the stars.

Talk about how someone famous is doing something really stupid, then psycho-analyze them.

For instance... right now, Michael Jackson is something like two hundred million dollars in debt. Even though he makes about twenty million dollars a year, he somehow manages to blow it all and then some. He has spent an unimaginable amount of time and money on plastic surgery and skin bleaching... and he reportedly just spent around seven hundred grand digitally darkening his skin tone in a recent video.

This situation is all kinds of BEGGING to be picked apart with a fine-toothed critical mind.

It's also PREGNANT with humor opportunities.

2. Find an interesting-looking group of people and guess what's going on.

Look around you, and find a couple sitting at a table that looks like they're on their first date.

Then start making fun of how the guy is acting, how he's dressed, his posture, or whatever. Talk about how the woman is thinking that he's a dork and how he's not getting any, no matter how many compliments he gives her.

Analyzing what's going on with a close group of others is big fun, and women love it.

3. Make fun of someone famous.

Talk about how a super model is too skinny, or how Ozzy has killed all his brain cells and what a shame it is that he's on TV broadcasting it to millions of viewers.

Make fun of Mariah Carey for gaining weight, being put in the loony bin, and putting out a sucky movie.

All you have to do is read a few gossip magazines to get all kinds of great stuff to make fun of.

It's fun, it's funny, and it's a great way to talk like you're all that.

4. Talk about other people's love lives.

Talk about the problems that others are going through when it comes to love and romance, then volunteer completely ridiculous theories about what's going on.

Mention a friend you had who broke up with his girlfriend because she gained weight, then after you've told the story, make up a random theory about how women who gain weight are actually lesbians.

But make sure it's funny, whatever you invent.

...I think you can 'feel me'.

The point here is that women are NATURALLY fascinated and drawn to certain topics... so USE THEM.

The REAL benefit of talking to women about topics that really interest them is that you can USE ALL THE OTHER IDEAS THAT YOU'RE LEARNING while you're talking!

You can AMPLIFY THE ATTRACTION as the conversation goes on... as long as you know what else to do as you talk.

Oh, by the way...

Topics to avoid: Rape, kidnapping, stalking, death, chess, computers, comic books, Star Wars, monster trucks, and NSYNC. NEVER talk about topics that might really freak a woman out, or topics that make you look like the biggest loser alive in the beginning. You'll create BAD VIBES that will make any attraction that you've created INSTANTLY disappear. Others to really avoid include talking negatively about yourself, talking about how desperate you are or how long it's been since you've been on a date, asking if she likes you or if you're her 'type'... and any other WUSS-BAG topic that makes you look insecure and needy.

Remember, the key to success with women is creating a powerful emotional ATTRACTION between you and her.

Secrets for Writing the Perfect Online Dating Profile

In real life a personal ad — or its online dating equivalent, the personal profile — can be a terrific tool to endear the right person to you. 'The personal ad route can be a good idea because it gives you the opportunity to meet people outside of your little circle of friends and co-workers,' says Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Va.

But the way you write a personal profile matters: it could mean the difference, in fact, between hooking the love of your life and falling flat.

There's Something About Your Ad ...

Follow these six simple rules to pique a would-be partner's interest.

Talk yourself up ... but stay sincere. What's great that you have to give? How would your best friend sum up the qualities that make you unique? Strut your stuff, Coleman encourages, in a way that's 'upbeat, but not fake.'

Keep the style fun, not formal. 'If you have fun writing it, the reader will likely have fun reading it,' says author Evan Marc Katz in I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating (Ten Speed Press, 2003). In writing about who you are — as well as about what characteristics you're looking for — write the way you talk, in a creative way that will win people over. A better way to go than 'I'm lots of fun,' according to Katz: 'Karaoke? Rock climbing? Strip poker? Road trip to Vegas? Go on, dare me. I'll do it.' Stories — of a recent funny experience, for example — can captivate people in a way that generic descriptions never will.

Choose words carefully to express what you really want. 'In search of: a wealthy man' might come across as 'gold digger,' and searching for a stunning woman can seem superficial. Are you actually looking for a partner who's ambitious or fit? That's not as likely to offend.

Include a picture that's flattering, but true to you. Find a recent photo to submit, or have one taken. Pick a pic that shows your playful side, or has you hanging out with family or friends, Katz recommends, warning that 'photoless folk will hardly be contacted by anyone.' In your pictures, as in your words, represent yourself honestly, says relationship coach Coleman. 'People will find out the truth soon enough.'

Read over what you're about to submit. Avoid seeming sloppy; review your writing so it's grammatically correct and typo-free.

Keep It Positive: No Problems, Please

The things you leave out of a personal profile are as important as what you put in — no 'my last relationship left me broken-hearted' or 'I detest my job.' And leave out personal information, for security's sake.

With these ins and outs to go by, personal ads can help you date less duds and zero in on the people who show some potential — whether what you like is golf, baseball and beer, or more along the lines of opera and fine cuisine.

Good and Bad Adult Dating Profile Samples

Profiles listed on this page were taken from various online dating sites, and were posted by actual real people looking to meet others. Read through them and use them as inspiration to write your own personal ad.

Examples of Good Ads

1) If I like you...Can I keep you?
I am secure & happy with myself, but...Life is meant for 2!! A little bit about myself: I enjoy travel, camping by a lake, gardening, home decorating, Comedy Clubs & Dinner Theater, music, my dog, & celebrating special occasions. I am self-sufficient, independent, honest, I have a great sense of humor, & family & friends are very important to me. A man who ONLY has eyes for me & can make me laugh are important qualities! No Pressure! Let's just relax...become friends & get to know each other... and see what happens.
( The headline is very inviting - makes you want to click on it. )

2) Lost Smile---Reward For Recovery
I'm putting out a world wide web bulletin to get everyone's help. You see, I've lost my smile. I'm not really myself without it. I have a couple leads that give me hope that it may have been found, including a vague description. She appears to be between 26 and 40 years old, but may appear younger than her age. She at least 5'7' (I am 6'), not a bbw, but doesn't live at the gym either. She has high-maintenance looks with a down-to-earth attitude, values, and personality. She loves rock & roll and may be found at concerts. I have conflicting reports that she's either a blonde or a brunette. She's intelligent with her own career and not dependent on someone to support her. If this person can be found, I can offer a reward of lifetime devotion, long, slow kisses that last for days, midnight massages, a partner that loves to cook and doesn't mind sharing in the household chores, someone to wash your back, a shoulder to lean on, and someone who will hold you at night. If you think you may have found my smile, please e-mail me as I really need it to be myself. Thanks.
( Original, appealing and very well thought out.)

3) 'Spark Plug'
When people are sometimes asked to describe me, the term 'spark plug' is often used. I know how to speak my mind and get what I want, but I do so with a smile. I've been known to assess first impressions quickly (both personally and professionally) and generally do not waiver from my initial conclusion. I'm considered a very generous person in all aspects of my life especially in friendship, family and love. I've been told that I'm smart, beautiful and sensitive, although I also tend to be a bit modest too. I'm looking for a man who shares my views on love, family and friends and is ready for all of it to begin with me.
( This person added enough personal details about herself to give a potential responders a real sense of who she is.)



Bad Personal Ads
by Barb Marcano

Creative, well thought out personal ads get attention! Ones that are poorly written get ignored - that's a FACT! Below you'll see a few ads that are barely worth reading, and definitely not worth your time responding to. JUST REMEMBER! If you're going to take the time to post an ad, you want to write one that gets results.

Examples of Bad Ads

1) Hey SeXXXy!!!!!!
I am 22, I go to college in London Ontario for Marketing and I live in Stratford. I love hockey, going to the bars with the guys and playing pool. Not really sure what else to say so I will leave it at that :)
( Sounds like a real winner. Watch out girls, I saw him first! )

2) Nice guy looking for a nice girl
I a genuinely open and friendly guy, hard to come by these days. I like to spend time around friends, and always love to meet new people. I like to keep myself busy, can't stand sitting around doing nothing.
( Not exactly bad, but much too vague, didn't really give you much to go on )

3) FREAK! Or someone like that...me I guess. COME ON! LOOK HERE!!!
Snuggly guy, 6'2', 165 lbs. Just moved to Vancouver, looking for friends and people to show me around the city. Is that you? Are you sure? I am pretty weird...ok then. :)
( I'm sure he's a really nice guy - but would you want to take the chance? )

4) MALE 25 YRS SINGLE
I AM A VERY STRAIGHT PERSON .UNMARRIED & LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO GET MARRIED WITH.THATS ALL WHAT I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW.FOR ME IT HARDLY MATTERS IF U R A DIVORCEE ALSO.
( BORING - poorly written, lacks details and the use of all CAPS makes it hard to read.)

5) 'Cacktas The Sign of Loyality'
I am Farooq i have only one frend name is AYAZ and he say about me that farooq is a gentleman person hardworking faothfull good looking and and and..................... and wot i am in my point of view i like treveling i want to go all over the world mmmmmm like music of shehzad i am very much bus kafee zayada tareeef achee nahi haotee...............!
( A very good example why it's so important to check and double check your spelling.)

When She Says 'Let's Just Be Friends'

Sooner or later we’ve all heard it. Yep, I’m talking about the dreaded “Let’s Just Be Friends” speech from a woman we’re dying to be oh-so-much-more with. There are no ifs-ands-or-buts about it. It sucks. But it doesn’t have to be the nail in the coffin. There is life after the “Let’s Be Friends” speech, there will be opportunities to turn things around, but you have to handle things very carefully. Here’s what not to do:

Beg her to reconsider. Remember you are a man, even if a very young one. Do everything possible to either date or merely sleep with her best friend. Hang around her as much as possible with a hurt, hang dog expression.

Here’s why. Women have been known to change their minds – but only if they start to see the man in question in a new light. Something about you currently just isn’t ring her chimes. But you can’t argue, beg or plead your way into her seeing you differently. What you can do is step back, reconsider and put a new game into play. Let me lay out some basic strategy for you:

When you begin to understand women and have more success, you start to realize that most women are not the type that you'd be happy with long term.

Make Yourself Scarce For Now

Don’t be too available, or even go near her (if possible) for the next two or three weeks. When you do see her be pleasant but have other things to do and other places to go. You are no longer available to fix her car, go see a movie another guy wouldn’t dream of, or to listen to her daily trials and tribulations. That will only cement you into the “friend” position, and the longer you stay there the harder it is to get out of it.

Don’t Call Her

Making yourself scarce means you shouldn’t be in contact in any way, and that includes phone calls, emails and instant messaging. If she contacts you for any reason do get back to her – but not right away, and be very brief when you do. If she calls, you email. You don’t want her to think you’re trying to get back at her, but you do want her to know your world doesn’t revolve around her (even if presently it does).

Stop Thinking About Her

This is tough but you’ve got to do it. If it means replacing her face with one of the hot chicks from “Lost” every time you think about her do it. Remember there are more fish in the ocean. There are other women out there who’ll catch your interest if you allow it to happen. The more you stay mentally focused on this one woman the more you’re going to psychically repel her with your sad pathetic longing energy. Let go. Really let go and open your mind up to new possibilities.

Get A Life

Yes this is easier said than done when you’re heartsick but you’ve got to buck up and do it. This is especially hard when you hang in the same group of friends, so it may entail making new ones. This is the time to dust off a passion and put new focus and interest into it. What is it that you’ve been dying to do again or try for the first time? Bungee Jump? Hike that local mountain? Get a pilot’s license? Go back to school? Note, when I said get a life I meant a winning life, not a losing life. This isn’t the time to sit your sorry ass on the couch and leave it there gorging yourself on fast food. The only way you’re going to get another go at this woman is to get her to realize she’s underestimated you. If you stay put on the couch you’re lucky she even pondered you in the first place.

Start Going Out

Once you start doing something you really love you’re going to feel better about yourself. That’s the time to start going out and honing your social skills with women. That’s also why you need some new friends to hang out with – you don’t want to be trying out your new pick up lines around the woman who only wanted to be your friend. She doesn’t need to see you at it when you’re still a bit crushed and feel you’ve still got training wheels on.

You May Contact Her Only When You Feel Great

Okay, here’s the deal, you can either contact her or be in the same group as her again – but only after you’re feeling much better than you ever imagined you could feel. Until then avoid her like the plague. She is not going to see you in a new light until you see yourself that way. Can you fake it? A bit. And do fake it if you happen to run into her too early. Don’t brag. Don’t talk about a fake new girlfriend. Just be pleasant, excited about some new interests and keep it short.

Once you’re feeling good, once you’re open to dating new women (or have in fact started to date new women), you can be in touch with her very briefly or you can hang a bit in the same group again. Only contact her with some interesting bit of information you thought she’d like to know (like where a band she’s really into is playing soon) – not that you miss her and are dying to see her. With this you remind her that you’re a thoughtful dude who knows her taste, but you’re not asking her out again. When you’re around her again don’t avoid being in her presence, but don’t push to be near here. Always ask how she is, tell her it’s good to see her, but don’t give her compliments and don’t engage in long conversation unless she backs you into a corner. Remember you have new exciting things going on.

When You Can Let Your Guard Down A Bit

You can relax a bit when she starts contacting you or seeking you out…but be careful. If she starts putting you in the friend role again because “no one understands her like you” head for the hills as quickly as you politely can. You are not her therapist; you’re a guy who wants to get lucky with her. If she starts paying you compliments, playing with her hair while she talks to you, and tilting her head to the side while talking to you she’s flirting. At that point tell her you’ve got to run at the moment but you’ve love to get together with her for coffee soon and you’ll call her.

Don’t ask her out on a romantic date and don’t call right away…give it a couple of days. You never want your presence in her life to be like a good old reliable doormat. When you get together don’t brag. If you’re seeing someone else (and good for you if you are) admit to it, but hold your cards close to your chest. Be mysterious and happy about your life. Tell her about the fun new things you’re up to and let her know it would be cool to do it together sometime.

Let her now be the one curious over whether she’s been put in the friend role.

10 Tips for Online Dating Success

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