If you’re looking to improve how you handle your adult dating situation, take the following steps if you’re thinking about shitting where you eat.
1. Meet Hot Neighbour.
2. Run into hot neighbour at the elevator.
3. Have a deep conversation about your favorite HBO show with said neighbour.
4. Add neighbour on Facebook.
5. Poke him or her on Facebook.
6. Exchange phone numbers.
7. Set up a friendly lunch date.
8. Run into neighbour again while looking hot as all hell.
9. Go out to bar with hot neighbour after work.
10. Drink and talk about sexual things with neighbour.
11. Make out on the sidewalk with neighbour.
12. Send dirty text to neighbour when you get home.
13. Consider changing your Facebook Status.
14. See sexy wall post from a hot single on neighbour’s wall.
15. Decide dating your neighbour is a horrible idea after they tell you they don’t want anything serious right now.
16. Become friends with neighbour.
17. Suggest you go out to a friendly lunch with neighbour.
18. Suggest they come back to your place for a night cap with neighbour.
19. Drink a whole bottle of wine with neighbour.
20. Have amazing sex with neighbour.
21. Try to keep yourself busy when your neighbour hasn’t called in three days.
22. Run into neighbour on the elevator with his new conquest on Sunday morning.
23. Cry on your friend’s couch for hours and talk about your neighbour.
24. Avoid Neighbour.
25. Drunk dial neighbour.
26. Hang up before neighbour anwers.
26. Avoid neighbour some more.
27. Post Crazy Cat Eharmony video clip on his Facebook wall nonchalantly to show how funny you are.
28. Run into neighbour. Limit conversation to cats and Youtube.
29. Watch neighbour run away.
30. Move.
What’s the lesson to this tale of woe? You can never shit where you eat and still maintain your dignity. Just don’t it.