At three years old, I had my first adult male crush and his name was Jerry Dandridge. Yup, I fell in “love” with a vampire.He didn’t sparkle in the sunlight because he was a bad ass creature of the night. All I had to do to see him was put in Fright Night in my father’s Betamax player and I was hooked for hours gazing at Chris Sarandon.
In spite of the fact that I clearly didn’t have much censorship from my parents, watching Fright Night was the catalyst for how I picked out my men–dark, tall, handsome with a hint of homosexual tendencies.
That’s why when I heard of the news about the Fright Night remake, I was livid by the fact of having my dream man re-cast—that was however before hearing about the unbelievable casting of Colin Farrell as Jerry Dandridge.
So the question is, who on paper makes for the ultimate Jerry Dandridge? Let’s weigh the pros and cons, shall we?
Smarts
Winner: Colin Farrell
I hate to say this, but I have to give this one to Colin Farrell. The vamp ingeniously blows up Charlie’s house because he was not invited into his home. (Seriously, why has it taken this long for a vampire to do that onscreen?) Chris Sarandon constantly ate naked prostitutes in front of his window and instead of moving when sunlight hit him, he just stood in one spot having a temper tantrum. Not very smart if you ask me.
Sex Appeal
Winner: Chris Sarandon
I have to give this one to Chris Sarandon. His dashing good looks, appealing walk (yes, walking can be appealing) and irresistible charm are timeless. Still to this day, I would want to tap that. (Chris Sarandon circa 1985 not now) Sure, Colin Farrell looks extremely sexy in the upcoming remake but anybody who addresses somebody as “Hey guy” or calls attractive women “ripe” is lame in my books.
Morals
Death to all peeping Toms!
Winner: Chris Sarandon
Sure Chris Sarandon went nuts by turning both Charlie’s girlfriend and best friend into vampires, but the man did give Charlie a chance for his safety when he demanded to be left alone. In the trailer for the remake, it doesn’t look like Colin Farrell has much mercy for Charlie after being “found out.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing after all. Bad boys are and will always be extremely hot.
Who Has Got The Bigger…Fangs?
I need Braces Stat!
Winner: Tie
Chris Sarandon showed off some mighty long fangs in the beginning of the cult classic. However, when he went “full out” vampire, it looked like he needed braces. We have yet to see if Colin Farrell goes “full” vampire in the remake. Curious to see how bad he looks. It can’t be any worse than how he looked in Horrible Bosses.
GayDar Alert
Winner(or Loser): Chris Sarandon
Chris Sarandon definitely takes the cake for the vamp with the most homosexual tendencies. I suspect his “housekeeper” Billy was doing more than just house keeping. Also, the fact that he constantly had a fruit in his hands is an amusing if not highly inappropriate giveaway.
My Personal Choice For The Ultimate Jerry Dandridge: Chris Sarandon
Like Sidney Prescott once so eloquently said in Scream 4: “Don’t f*ck with the original.”