Have you ever thought to yourself that your sex life would rapidly improve if you looked like Barbie? Have you ever wanted to know how it feels like to be admired by many for no reason at all? Barbie sure knows how it feels and she has a outstanding love life despite the fact that her husband Ken has no penis! So if you’re looking to rapidly change your adult dating life in an instant, you have come to the right place! Here are a few guidelines to help you become the best version of Barbie you can ever be!
Face: As we all know, Barbie is devoid of any flaws whatsoever. That’s why it’s important to always look your best. When you’re first becoming Barbie, make sure to constantly moisturize your face. You want to look as shiny and as plastic as she does. Trust me, this will not scare any suitors at all! Try hitting MAC and buying all of Barbie’s make up line. You want to focus on pink and blue eyeshadows and false eye lashes. Don’t be subtle either! Make your eyes pop! For a lasting effect, get makeup tattooed onto your face and while you’re at it, get some Botox done. Barbie gets things done without a blink of an eye and if you get botox, you can experience that too!
Body: Barbie has the body women purge themselves to get. You must maintain this by working out like a maniac. If you don’t have an hourglass figure, then you might as well be trying to look like Midge and give up now. Also, Barbie has remarkable breasts so if you don’t have C cup breasts, get a boob job! Make sure they are hard as rocks too. Guys like Ken LOVE that.
Clothes: Remember, you are the trendsetter everybody needs to look up to. That means you need to buy things nobody around you has and can’t afford. You also have to buy plastic neon-colored shoes to go with your outfits. Make sure to buy multiple pairs because you will always lose at least one shoe per pair in a matter of weeks. Get a bunch of credit cards and start shopping! Who cares if you don’t have enough money to eat, you’re Barbie! You don’t need to eat. All you need is to have fun and look good!
Hair: If you want to become Barbie, you need to go platinum blonde! You also need to get lots of synthetic hair extensions to match the length. Flip your hair back if you want to go retro or clip the front of your hair back in a bobby pin. The key thing to remember is that you want to make sure your hair style is relevant. If nobody is wearing your hairdo, then you don’t matter.
Kids: Ha! Trick question! If you want to become Barbie, you need to get your tubes tied immediately. Barbie is too busy to have kids and since Barbie and Ken don’t have genitals, they never have to worry about that becoming a possibility. However, you need to realize that having kids is a death sentence to Barbie. She’s all about having fun and looking good. If you’re desperate for kids, treat your kid sister like she’s your daughter like Barbie does to Skipper. Just make sure your Ken doesn’t pull a Woody Allen by trying to bang her. That would be un-BARBIE like.
So do you still want to be Barbie now?